Today it’s my birthday. I’m one year older than yesterday. I still haven’t found my purpose on this planet. Maybe I never find it but that’s OK. I’m not really looking for one either. I’m not expecting any surprises. I’ve never had any positive ones. I’ve never met someone I thought I would never meet. No job opportunity has fallen down my lap. No special achievements to brag about in resumes. Maybe my purpose is not having anything special planned. Maybe not everyone is supposed to have an exciting life. Some must have a boring and calm life.

I don’t mind getting older. That’s something everyone has to go through. But not having achieved much before 40 (almost there) that’s what depressive. As the times goes by, the less I think about birthdays. It’s just one step closer to death. I’m not one of those who are afraid of getting older. That’s something you can’t change. No matter how young you try to look, you still gonna die one day. What’s the point with all the plastic surgeries and wrinkle creams when one day you’ll be gone anyway? Why can’t people just accept of who they are? People are so shallow. It’s Hollywood all over the world soon.

Don’t get me started with age discrimination in work places. If you’re in your 40-ish or 50-ish, they thing you’re passed it but just because you’re getting older doesn’t mean you can’t learn new things. My mother used to say when you’re turning 40 it’s harder to find a job. I couldn’t even get a job in my twenties. But she was right. It will get harder but you should still not give up. I wish I could be as hopeful as I give this advice. I’m just not strong enough to take a risk. I prefer being in my comfort zone. If I try something new, it’s always online. If it’s a movie I haven’t seen before or an online game I haven’t played, that’s as far as risk taking goes. It’s lame but I’ve always been a coward (introversion is one reason)

Age is nothing but a number until an outsider says “you’re too old” It’s OK to get older as long as you stay in your twenties. Luckily no one has never said I was too old. But that day might come sooner or later. Who said you have to achieve something at a certain age? I feel like a looser compared to my age group but I shouldn’t compare them. They are not me. I won’t become depressed if I’ve never get anywhere in life. I’m still here and maybe that’s my purpose. To be here at this moment and this life. Besides there has to be someone who still have some sense in their heads and not acting like a loose cannon. Now there seem to be more selfishness and a me, me culture. The whole world seems to be lost and helpless. If there were more people like me, not trying to brag here, this life would make more sense.

Tallenna