My short-lived excitement

Made in Canva

When I feel the excitement of something it’s usually short-lived. I don’t know why. Maybe because my mind is all over the place. I’m never doing things with a passion. I have so many things I like so it’s difficult to choose just one to concentrate on. I get excited about one thing and then I realise it’s not what I want so it dries out. In some things, I get the excitement back after a break. One of them is reading. I got excited about getting a library card and read books. But now my excitement for book reading has calmed down. I have one book to read but I haven’t finished it yet even though there’s not much left. It’s the English version of ‘The Hobbit’ I have the Finnish version of it and I read it in about 3 days and I have already read it twice. I don’t why this one takes so long to read. I already renewed it once. I read one chapter yesterday. I guess I’m just a slow book reader and I get distracted a lot.

Having a short-live excitement is the worse when it comes to deciding what job to do. Photography was on my agenda for a long time. Until I studied it in 2014-2015 and realised I didn’t want to do it as a living. I got excited for web design and then graphic design but now it feels like I’m indifferent about that too. Even becoming an entrepreneur entered my mind but now the excitement isn’t the same. It’s still a backup plan though. I applied for a job that isn’t in my field but it seems that won’t happen either. It seems destiny is denying me to become anything. It gives and takes it away straight away.

One proof of my excitement being short-lived is writing this blog post. When I started writing it about 2 hours ago, I had full of ideas but now I don’t know what to write. All of that excitement is gone and it will stop right here.

Don’t call me fastidious

cracked concrete wall
Made in Canva

People might see me as fastidious because it takes time for me to decide. But don’t call me that because I’m not. The only time I can be fastidious is about food or if a painting on the wall is crooked. Other times I’m not. Some people rush to things and they settle for what they’ve got. I don’t go for the second-best. I don’t become friends with someone just to have someone to rely on. I have to have something in common with this person. The same goes for the opposite sex. I think it’s the men that are fastidious because they mostly go for pretty people. Because I’m not typical-looking they don’t even look my way. I’ll rather be alone than be ridiculed because I don’t look a certain way. “Well, you should be like this and look like this to get a date” Sorry to disappoint but I change for no one and I won’t join that fancy dress party no matter how hard I try. Besides, you can’t change a person for what they are. Being independent is much more fun anyway.

I’m not particularly fastidious when it comes to writing fiction either. I’m not that much into detail. Writing what a character is wearing is especially difficult. I prefer the story to small details. I let the reader imagine what they’re wearing. Since I only write for fun I don’t find things like that very important. It would probably be different if I was an author where things like that probably are crucial. I also don’t know how to describe a character’s appearance. I see the word ‘chiselled’ a lot in stories but I have no idea what that looks like. The detail on someone’s face is also hard so I don’t write that kind of stuff. Hair colour and such are easy but that as far as it goes. I write about real people so those who read my fiction know how the characters look like in real life. Stories are made-up.

Some people are fastidious when they watch movies. They find even the smallest mistake. I just want to enjoy a movie and not take it so seriously. Even with movies I’ve seen many times before. I watch movies for the stories and not if someone shirt has changed to some other colour. Making movies is like life, nothing is perfect. It’s supposed to be entertainment and not looking for flaws. I guess these people look at people the same way they search for mistakes in movies. Or they got too much time on their hands can be another option. Trying to find mistakes in movies takes out all the fun of this form of enjoyment.

So don’t call me fastidious because there are people worse than me. Sometimes being fastidious in certain things is not a bad thing though. I can be like that sometimes but that’s not what I should be called. I know my likes and my dislikes so that doesn’t mean it’s fastidious. I just have limited tolerance for nonsense and that should be enough to describe it.