Everything on this blog is genuine. Everything I write belongs to me. I stand by every word I write. These are my opinions and I hope you all respect them. Most of the photos you see here are taken by me. Please don’t take them because that’s not really nice. If you want to use this material, please ask my permission first. Thank you!
I have recently taken part in a few challenges on Behance and Instagram, so I haven’t had the time to blog. The first one mentioned is an Adobe Illustrator challenge. The other is a typography challenge which is once a year and for 36 days. There is a letter (and number later on) every day. You can use any tool you like and any way you want. If anyone is interested, you can see my work over here. There is a lot of great work other people have done. You can use the tag #36daysoftype on Instagram. The one of Behance about Illustrator has been a lot of fun, and I’ve learned new things. It ended last Friday, but the videos are still there. I also tried the Photoshop one, but I didn’t have time to do that too. There is also a chat on Discord where you can get feedback. That’s very important because graphic design is a learning process. You are never ready. Not only graphic design but also other things in life.
It feels like I’m always late. It took me years to find what I was looking for. I’ve tried different occupations, but I have never found something I felt passionate about. I wanted to do something different. Money hasn’t been a motive for me. I rather do something that makes me feel good. I want enough money so I can afford to live. I don’t believe in that having a job that pays you well. I will rather be without a job than be in a job I don’t like. During those years where I thought about what I want to do for a living, most people already found their things. I feel like I’m only starting out even if I’ve done things for years. I don’t know what my working title is. I have never had a graphic design job where I get paid, so I don’t know if I can call myself a graphic designer. I have only had clients in web design, but that was part of the education. Having a portfolio is an important thing in creativity. Looking at other people’s portfolios, it feels like mine is plain. I don’t have much to show, only school work. If I started with graphic design earlier, I would have something to show. You can’t go back in time. It’s not too late to get something done. You only need enough confidence in yourself. You shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but it isn’t easy. You still feel you’re not up for it. It doesn’t help either when you don’t get hired anywhere. Not even an internship.
On Discord, there is a chat about creative careers where you can post your Behance portfolio. Then you can also get feedback. There are a lot of great work people have done, and then there is me. It’s a bit of an embarrassment because mine isn’t that great. I don’t even dare to introduce myself because I don’t feel like a graphic designer. Even if the first time I studied graphic design in 2009. But I wasn’t doing any of it after 2011 when it ended. The same goes with web design, but I don’t want to do that after all. Another thing is what kind of projects would I do. It seems that a lot of people have branding and visual identities. Trying to be different from other designers is difficult. My confidence in becoming one myself is soon gonna break into pieces like glass. I’m running out of options. I probably will never get a job. I hardly get any follows on social media, so getting those in the professional won’t be easy. I don’t think I will get “discovered” on Behance or any other portfolio places. My path to becoming a graphic designer started too late, and it’s only in my head that someone would hire me for my work. I shouldn’t give up, though. We all go through different paths, and there is no right or wrong way to become something you want to be.
First, some good news. I passed the driving theory test yesterday. After Easter, I’ll get in touch with the teacher to schedule the driving lessons. There are 4 hours of it, and one part is in a simulator. I haven’t driven a car in 26 years, so I think I start with that one. I’m a bit nervous about that because I’ve never been in one. Maybe driving a real car can be the same. When those are done. Then the only one left is the driving test. I hope I’ll pass that the first try, but I doubt it. If I’m lucky, I will have a drivers license before my birthday in June. What a great birthday present that would be. If you have a little patience, things will follow. I wish I had it in other things too. Patience that is.
Since I was a child, I’ve been a bit impatient. It’s not. Get me things at this right moment. It’s more about giving up too easily. I wasn’t the best student in school. I had issues with certain subjects. Math was one of them. I had tutoring lessons in it. If you’re not good at something, you don’t like doing it. They say you can learn to become better at Math, but I’m not that excited to learn. You must like it to have enough motivation. I rather learn something else instead. As long as you know the basics and understand the value of money, you don’t need to learn all these Y plus X things. Unless you want to become a scientist or something like that. I never understood why you should learn other than how to count this plus this. The same with calculating things in your head. That’s what calculators are for. Math is like coding; I hate both of them. I make many mistakes, and then I just want to give up because things are too difficult.
I don’t know why I bother, but I’ve yet again applied for education. This time for an education called Code Academy. They teach you, that’s right, coding. I probably won’t get in. It’s a recruitment training program. There is a job-learning part where you can work for a company, either a workplace they find or a place the student can find. Only if someone wants the student to work for them, then you get chosen for the education. The problem with education is that you get your hopes up and search for information about the occupation. Then you won’t get chosen anyway. Even if you do get in, you still won’t find a job. So what is the point with educating yourself, besides learning something new? You get no job experience in your field no matter how much you study. It’s silly to start a new career when you haven’t even got anything from your current one. I want to do so many things, and most of them are connected somehow. I always studied creative things, so changing the path to another direction is needless. If it’s neither writing a job application or applying to a school, I’m never good at explaining in words about me and why I want things. I won’t expect too much about this education I applied to. The same with the job application for an IT support person. I don’t know enough of the technical stuff when it comes to computers. I’m not a a novice, but I’m no expert either. In coding things are different. I have studied it and used it too, but it doesn’t mean they will pick me for the education.
I don’t make goals at a certain time. For example, with the driving school. I can only hope I get the license before summer, but I won’t promise the exact date. It depends on so many things. I don’t know when I will get a driving lesson. The teacher said when she called last week that their schedule will become busy after two weeks. Then there is the driving test. The driving school is far from over. I have enough patience to get the licence in my own time. At least I’m closer to achieve it.
Music makes my life worth living. It also weakens other noises around you. Like the next-door-neighbour talking or just making other noises. Every other noise other than music disturbs me. I keep the radio on while I sleep, but if I hear talking before I do, it annoys me. I listen to music every day, so you can say it’s my life. I have Spotify Premium, so I can listen to it without ads. Those are annoying. It cost 10.99 euros per month, but that’s better than nothing. I can listen to songs that aren’t played on the radio. All those nostalgic music tunes. Love it.
I still buy CD’s from time to time, because I like the covers and the leaflets that go with them. Without music, movies and TV series wouldn’t be the same. Imagine them without sound. I can’t even. I usually don’t listen to classical music, but when it comes to drama, then it’s the best. My favourite music is 1980s music. We have a radio station that only plays 80s music. Sometimes they play too much of the same though, which can be a bit annoying. They have spoiled a few songs that I used to love, but now I don’t. One of them is ‘Living on a Prayer’ by Bon Jovi. Maybe the radio station doesn’t have the right to play anything else. They do play others song by them too, but especially that song. When I was 18, I went to drivers school and thought I would have a car, so I could blast my favourite songs. But I didn’t finish it. Now when I’m in driving school again and when I get the licence, I probably won’t play music that loud. At least not so everyone else can hear. I hate it when young people drive, and noise is blasting out of their cars. It’s not music, only annoying noise. There are differences between noise and music, you know.
I hardly listen to music outside with headphones, because then you won’t hear the birds singing. You see people with headphones on while they walk or cycle, and they don’t hear or see anything. It can be dangerous to walk like that in traffic. People walk around holding their phones in their hand, and even young kids do that. First of all, it looks silly and secondly you can get hit by a car if you only concentrate on your phone. They usually listen to music, and they don’t stop when they change the music. If I look at my mobile, I stop walking and then put it away. Mobile can’t be that important, so you want to risk your life for it. If you have a death wish, then just go ahead. Music is my life, but I don’t want to jeopardize my health with it. Not forgetting losing my hearing. It’s still good because I haven’t spoilt it in my youth by listening to music too loud. My hearing is so good. I can hear things that aren’t there. Even in a middle of a conversation, I can hear noises in the background. I don’t know if it’s because my hearing is so good or that I’m an introvert.
Music has been part of my life since I was a child. Listening to it and playing instruments. Not good enough to perform with one, but still playing for fun. I’ve tried a lot if different once, but there is one that I really would love to try. That is playing the violin. The only string instrument I have tried is the acoustic guitar, and that was difficult. So the violin must be even harder to learn to play. Maybe one day, I get to try one. Listening to music is more my thing, and I can’t live without it.