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I just can’t catch a break, can I? It’s nothing bad or anything like that. It only feels long shadows are following me whatever I do. Especially when it comes to education and job search. They say you should study, but what is the point when you’re not giving a change in the working world. You need job experience, but then internships are not one of them. Maybe that’s the problem, I only have them and that one part-time job. I can never find any jobs to apply to because they need people with experience. I haven’t had the time to do any job search since my dad still needs certain help. I have tried to look at jobs ads, but I haven’t found anything to apply to. Writing cover letters is not my favourite thing. LinkedIn is a weird place to look for a job. I get quite silly suggested from job alerts too. Jobs that I don’t even have training for. I wouldn’t search for a job there anyway. I did apply for one, but it was a bit strange. I didn’t even know if it was real.
I wrote about this in this post. It’s about Helsinki Design School, where I studied both photography and graphic design. They asked former students about what they have done after school. So far, none of my schoolmates has come up in the student’s stories. Most of the stories so far has been about interior designers and visual designers. There have been some photographers and graphic designers too. They write about, e.g. networking and about the pros who teach there. Well, I haven’t had any of that. Especially in the photography course in 2014-2015. Maybe it has become better after I went there. It was new at the time. There were a few students who were disappointed. They didn’t get what they were looking for. I didn’t either, but I didn’t expect anything special. I’ve probably forgotten all about what was taught there by now. The same probably goes with the graphic design one in 2018-2019. Former students who have studied in school have found their strengths during their education, but I haven’t. I’m still looking. So in that way, I am disappointed at the education. But also I got something out of it. It doesn’t get me a job, but still, I didn’t want to study something for 4 years when I already had for 2. Graphic design is not science, after all. I am a bit envy of the former students who have had the courage to become entrepreneurs. If you have clients already, it’s much easier to start.
I think I want to be my own president because then I can be my own boss. I wish I was brave enough to start something on my own because I wish I didn’t have to stress about the job search. I’m not an actor so I can’t be something the employers expect me to be. This month is ending soon but the year is long, so we’ll see what will happen.
When you study something, you might think the real world is as easy. But in school, you get assignments made up by someone else. In real life, you have to make them up yourself. That’s the hard part. Especially when you only starting out you don’t have much to show. Only an assignment you had in school. I doubt you can get hired by only having those. If it was, I would probably have something already. Or maybe not. Who knows really.
Soon it’s been 2 years since I studied graphic design and 4 since web design. Not very impressive since I haven’t done much since then. Especially web design. When you see job adverts for web design jobs, it’s always something technical which is something we didn’t have that much of. It’s quite wrong to be called web designer when it’s actually called web developer. That’s something they didn’t teach in school. Even in school, I didn’t like coding. It’s like Math which is my weakest subject. It just requires too much difficult kind of thinking. I can do things with free themes, but I can’t do a whole website from scratch. I tried in school, but it was too stressful. I’ve thought about only having graphic design and photography in my services. It would mostly be about digital content. At first, I thought I would also have web design with WordPress but apparently making sites from finished themes are not recommended. It’s understandable because themes are updated, and then the job has gone to waste. It’s also a turn-off when employers only search for experienced designers, and they should know a lot about coding. And then it’s web developers and not web designers.
They should teach kids in school that the real world is different. You don’t know what you want to be when you grow up at 16. You can change your mind later. Maybe the profession you chose in your youth is not the right one for you, but you only realize it when you’re getting older. You can change careers any time you want. Today there are no jobs where you are for 30 years and then retire. When I was younger, I thought you needed to educate yourself to one profession and stick with it. But it wasn’t so at all. I don’t want to be one of those who stay in one profession and then, later on, discover you didn’t want to do it after all. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I have studied so many different things. Some might have had jobs during their education, but I couldn’t do it. I wanted to concentrate on my studies and have some free time too. So now I only have internships on my resume, and that’s apparently not good enough. At least I have something and too bad it’s not appreciated among others. Luckily there are other ways to get a job. It’s just a matter of courage to get things started. That is an assignment to do next.
Sometimes it’s better to be straight than being dishonest. It might hurt, but it’s better than be walked over. I wish I would have been braver when I was younger. There were certain people I wished I could have told where to get off. Like that guy in one school where I went to who asked me if I had been in a horror movie. I could have asked him the same. He wasn’t that special either. He was an idiot, and he wasn’t the only one. But that’s the past, and I have met better people than him after that.
It’s kind of funny now when my former schoolmates in primary school didn’t give a damn about me. In the gym, I was always picked up last even if I was good at it. Unlike that “bully” who was bad at it. She was probably jealous. Hard cheese. She probably never even had spots. I have never met them after I changed class in 7th grade. I was glad I got rid of them. I don’t care how they are doing in life. It’s no concern of mine. The class I was at from 1st grade to 4th was much better. If I wasn’t forced to stay at 4th grade for another year, then I probably wouldn’t have needed to go through this ‘bullying’ stage. In the 1st class, you had more than one friend. If one friend was ill, you always had another friend to be with. The atmosphere was very good there. Next time I had that feeling was when I studied media playwriting in 2002-2003.
In a way, past experiences have put me off friendships and even relationships. I don’t like that kind of drama people cause. I have met a lot of different people, but I don’t call them friends. They are more like acquaintances. Or people only walking by and then move on. I don’t believe being alone is bad for you. For me, it suits me very well. I don’t need a lot of people around, and I’ve never had. I can’t understand how someone can have more than 5 friends. It would be too exhausting for my taste. I’m not that depended on other people. When I was a kid, a girl had only one friend, but boys had more than one. Heaven forbid if you wanted to tag along with those other two girls, they looked at you like you were an alien. You knew by their look that you weren’t wanted. At least that’s what I have experienced.
The past shapes your future. For the better or for, the worse. If I hadn’t experienced what I have during my life, things would probably be different. You can’t change the past, but you can make your future better. If you can’t let your past go, you can’t move on because that’s what life should be, moving on. It’s really about your attitude towards the things you have experienced. You can either dwell on how you should have handled the situation or become stronger and stop caring what other’s might think of you. It’s your life and you can do anything you feel without having to ask for permission about how to be. The best revenge is not caring and moving on by doing what’s good for you.