Envy is one of the seven sins but it’s also something you feel when you see someone succeeding better than you. There is good envy and there’s bad envy. I don’t think I’ve ever had that bad envy feeling. I can be happy for another person. There is no point of fighting against something you know you’ll never win. It’s better to concentrate on your own things. You should stop comparing yourself to others no matter how hard it might be. Some things are not meant to happen and some things might happen later.

What makes me most green of envy is creative talents like illustrators and graphic designers. Even professional photographers. They make it look so easy even if it’s not. If I practised more I could get better at it but there are so many other things to do so I don’t have time. At the job I’m right now in, there isn’t any photography. We use photos from Pixabay or any other photography place. Maybe I get to do that someday. I’m not that excited about taking photos like I was a few years ago. On boring days at work, I wish I was somewhere else. Mondays and Tuesdays are quiet so I could be doing something else. I wonder why I even bother waking up early.

I’m green with envy when I read about how someone has started a creative business after their education. Like in Helsinki Design School. I’m both envious and admiring their courage. Their work is good too. I feel like an amateur when it comes to coming up with ideas and how to make them a reality. I haven’t really done any graphic design since school in 2019. I don’t have enough confidence to start something on my own. Instead, I have to work somewhere else. But maybe this is a learning process. I get used to working with others and maybe learn something new on this journey. But right now it feels like I won’t make it 8 months in this current job. Especially when I have to wake up early. I would rather stay in bed and start working when I feel like it. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.

Some might be green with envy of me but they shouldn’t because we all got our strengths and we should use them to help those who don’t have the same skills. Everyone can’t do everything and it’s meant to be that way.