Month: February 2023

The junction of my work-life

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two paths
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🎵I don’t know where I’m going. But I sure know where I’ve been🎵 Here I go again by Whitesnake

It’s uncanny how time has passed again. February already, and I’m in a junction what to do. I wouldn’t say I have a work-life because I don’t. I’m going on Wednesday to update my job-hunting thing. I don’t know what else to call it in English. I’m gonna meet a person to do it. I don’t know what my plans are. Looking for work is looking for a needle in a haystack. Why are they forcing me to apply for jobs where there is none. At least in the field, I’m looking for. I already sent an open application to all the companies I wanted. They didn’t need anyone. At least not me. I didn’t study the things I have to apply for a job I haven’t studied for.

I need to work in a place where they let me be away for a few days from time to time. I’m in school, and then I have concerts to attend. I bought the tickets ages ago and booked a few hotel rooms. I can’t cancel the concert tickets just because the employer doesn’t let me go. It would be easier if I were an entrepreneur because I wouldn’t need anyone’s permission. Being unemployed is restricted. You’re not allowed to do what you want. Well, you are, but then you have no security regarding money. I’m glad I don’t live in the US, or I would probably be living on the street. Our system is more secure. Most people get some kind of benefit, perhaps one of the reasons we don’t have many homeless people. Here in Finland, we take care of people. Most of the time, anyway.

I know where I’ve been and don’t want to return. I look forward. I don’t want to stay in the same junction where I am right now. I need to choose one path and then follow it. My mind is all over the place at the moment. Somehow I’ve always been indecisive because I want to do many things. I also don’t want it to be something that bores me. Life is too short to do things that you don’t like doing. Money hasn’t been my motivation. I only need enough money to pay the bills and maybe travel. In a way, I understand people who don’t want to work, but I can’t understand someone who wants to live with the money they get from benefits. You don’t work for the money. You work because you want to belong somewhere. Besides, having something to do during the day and seeing other people is better than being alone without experiencing anything. The reason I do things is to get life experiences. Hopefully, I would find that in a job.

Things I don’t fancy

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I’m a picky person. I don’t do things if I don’t feel like it. One of them is cleaning. But this post is not about that. It’s about things I don’t fancy. The second dislike I have besides cleaning is job search. I can understand why some people don’t want to work. It’s trying to find a job that is off-putting. Trying to stand out and know how to promote your skills. Even with a good resume, you need to be a circus person. It’s not only companies that have a brand, but people need to be one too. If I could, I wouldn’t look for work at all. It’s difficult and depressive. You shouldn’t stop trying, but how can you when you get rejected. Job search is so strange these days. As one of the Pet shop boys song “Suburbia” says. ‘I only wanted something else to do but hang around‘ I want to do something with my life and not just be.

What I don’t fancy is trying to find the right words to describe myself in the question, describe myself and what my strengths are. I didn’t even know what to write on this blog’s About me page when I started. I don’t have a way with words. I get frustrated when I can’t find the words so I let it be and do something else instead. Why should you do things you don’t fancy? You can’t force yourself to do anything. If the words won’t come, then they won’t.

What I do fancy right now, is to watch something funny on Disney Plus, so I’m out of here.

Between optimist and pessimist

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optimist pessimist made up arrow on road
Made in Canva

After a month, I’m back doing the Rag Tag Daily Prompt. I did Bloganuary, so I concentrated on those subjects. I’m an optimist that you have read this blog during that time. If you found this blog through Bloganuary, then welcome.

If someone asked what I am the most, an optimist or a pessimist. I would answer it depends on the day and what it’s about. I don’t know if there is a word describing how I think about things. I make decisions through my feelings, and if it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it. I probably think with my gut and my head, but also what I feel in my heart. I’m a dreamer but also realistic. Some days I feel optimistic, but then there are days I feel hopeless. I try to think positively, but then negative thoughts enter my mind. I have never wanted to be like everyone else. I believe in myself. My mother said I can do anything I put my mind to. I was lucky when it came to my parents. They let me make my own decisions. They didn’t expect me to get A’s in school exams. I did my best; if I failed, it wasn’t the end of the world. In the end, grades don’t get you a job. No one will remember how much you got on that final exam or any other test.

What I’m not very optimistic about is getting a job. My mother was always worried I wouldn’t find any. She knew how it was to be unemployed, but I’m in a different situation than she was. I don’t have a family to support, for example. I also have other options if I don’t get any. I’m optimistic about finding something one day. I haven’t given up hope. Right now, I want to concentrate on my filmmaking studies. Maybe I will find something else to do besides that.