Month: May 2024

Hazy shades of ambivalent

Mia2 Comments
Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

Many people don’t care about my unemployment, but I write about it anyway. It isn’t my fault no one wants to hire me. I got another rejection from a graphic design job. All those studies I had haven’t gotten me anywhere. I’m getting tired of trying to find something to apply to. I must apply for at least one monthly, or they will take my benefits away. I have ambivalent feelings about the whole job thing. I will never get experience when I can’t even get an internship. I’m getting too old for this shit. I feel like a failure when it comes to work. It’s like people think I want to be unemployed. I’m a healthy person, so that isn’t why I haven’t got a job. The only fault I have is my lack of work experience and my atopic skin, so I can’t do specific jobs. Other than that, I should get something. I only get suggestions for jobs I’m not suited for. I want to do something with graphic design and photography. But how can I get experience when I only get rejections?

I’m worried I’m not suitable for becoming an entrepreneur, either. Even if I had gone to a course about it. Getting people to notice you feels like hard work, and all that paperwork sounds overwhelming. I can’t decide what to do. I don’t have the confidence to succeed without having job experience in the field. I can hardly get any likes on my personal social media accounts. What if I don’t find clients, and if I do, how do I do things? It’s been a while since I designed anything. I try to make up fake projects, but I never have time. I have too much free time on my hands and too much sleep. If I had a good reason to wake up earlier, I would. I should get a grip on myself. I have no one who can give me a pep talk anymore. My late mother was good at that. My late dad wasn’t the same since he had other things on his mind. He had a business, so entrepreneurship should be in my blood. He made jewellery, but my field is different. My cousin has a business, and also my late grandfather, who I never met because he died when my mother was a child. A few people in my family tree were entrepreneurs, so it wouldn’t be surprising if I decided to do it, too.

If there is a positive thing about being unemployed, it is that I can do things that interest me. I can go places without having to think about whether I get off work or not. The downside is the financial side, and the other is not having human contact. Life can become one-sided if you don’t do something else for a change. I wish I wasn’t forced to apply for jobs when there is nothing suitable to apply to. There is more to life than wasting your time on writing applications. Especially when you know you won’t even get an interview. I wish I could leave this wheel of job search forever. I can either accept my current fate or do something about it.

“Why are these things never clear” Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

Internships are not considered as real jobs

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Photo by energepic.com on Pexels.com

What jobs have you had?

Daily Writing Prompt

I read about that claim, but I disagree. Just because you haven’t been paid doesn’t mean it isn’t a real job. The only time I got paid was when I worked as a media assistant four years ago. Before that, I had only internships where I got 9 euros a day, plus unemployment benefits. Then, on-the-job learning was part of education. Those are better than no job experience at all. Finding paying jobs is like swimming in syrup. It’s sticky, and you feel like you’re in can’t get out of it.

I’ve had internships that I had to take to get work experience. At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I have more education than jobs. That’s the way it is, and I can’t change it. My first ever internship was in the kindergarten, but the only fun thing was being with the kids. They were so sweet. The rest wasn’t fun, so I won’t mention them. One of the first was in a net cafe, the most boring thing ever. There was nothing to do. I was supposed to help people with computers, but there were only a few customers. Other times, it was only sitting around and doing nothing. I also updated the memberships list on the computer. Once, I made a flyer about an event, but that’s about it.

The next job wasn’t much better but wasn’t as bad. It was mostly office work, posting things and so on. A few times, I took photos with a bad camera. Both of these jobs were in organisations, so they couldn’t pay. It was still a job or a workplace. That’s better than staying at home. At least I got something more than benefits.

Another internship was also in a boring place. It was a mail service business. I helped with packaging and updated customer contact information. Not a very exciting job. I didn’t like it, but I had to be there for about 2 months. When it ended, I was relieved.

The following internships involved education. One was in a local newspaper, where I studied visual expression for two years, between 2009 and 2011. We had on-the-job learning in the 2nd year. I did graphics for a local newspaper. Finished maps and infographics for the paper. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to do anything graphic design or photography. In fact, it was boring, and I was too shy to say much to my co-workers. One said they could teach me to draw, but I never asked. I wish I did, but what was done is done. I was only happy I didn’t need to travel to school for a month.

In 2012, I was a photographer for another local newspaper. But they only let me be there for 2 weeks. They made me believe they would consider me for a more extended period, but they probably already had some students coming in. So disappointing, but at least I got a few photos in the newspaper that I still have. Even if it was for a short time, that was probably the best internship I had so far. I liked I didn’t have to stay in the office all day. That was the job I wanted to do, to do different things.

My last education-related on-the-job learning was in 2017 when I studied web design for a year. We had one in the Spring and the other in the Autumn. The first one, I had one client. I did web design, but it wasn’t easy since I don’t like coding. I still don’t. I got something done, though. The client was understanding. I got good feedback, so it was nice to read. For the one in the Autumn, I had two clients. It was crucial to have at least two because we would have a presentation of our work in front of evaluators to pass the course. I did web and graphic design. One was a remake of a WordPress site. The other was designing a logo and a new website with WordPress. I truly liked freelancing, and then I started to think about entrepreneurship, but that’s another story.

Those were the jobs I had. Internships are real jobs, and it’s a shame employers don’t appreciate them. It feels like they have syrup in their brains, so they can’t see the bigger picture. There can be other reasons, too, but that’s how it feels. All I can think is it’s their loss. It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does bring me some comfort.

The shape of two career plans

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plan, action notebook
Photo by Ahmed u30c4 on Pexels.com

What is your career plan?

Daily Writing Prompt

I’ve been to a career coach in the past, but my plans haven’t taken shape. First, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and second, I hadn’t had the chance to get enough work experience. Some people travel to places to find themselves, but I haven’t needed to go anywhere to do that. It hasn’t been about finding myself. It’s more about what I wanted to do in life. I haven’t had a career plan to follow. It’s been about choosing an occupation. It took years, but now I know what I want to do. Graphic designer and photographer.

The shape of two career plans is better than one. The first was to get a job to gain more experience and become an entrepreneur after that. But guess what? Did these plans become true? No, they did not. I haven’t gained more experience, and I don’t know if having a business is something for me. Sure, I went to an entrepreneurial course last month. But that doesn’t mean I’m ready for it. Not with the experience I have at the moment. Sometimes, I think I’m in the wrong occupation after all. But I don’t know what else I want to do. Do I remember how to do things anymore since it was a long time ago since I did anything? I applied for a graphic design job but won’t get an interview because I lack experience. They probably don’t even look at my resume because it’s awful. Maybe it’s the same when it comes to finding clients. No one wants the services I provide. I have enough school experience, but that doesn’t mean much.

I don’t know where my life is going, but I know I want to earn my own money. Being unemployed involves too much bureaucracy; honestly, I’m getting tired of it. If no one wants to hire me, maybe having my own business is better. Then, I no longer need to be in the job search race. When I plan something, it usually doesn’t come true anyway, so I will see how it goes. I’ve been thinking the goal is to begin after summer. In Finland, summer vacation is in July, so everyone isn’t working. Maybe Autumn will be a better time to start something new. Or it might not come true, and my life won’t improve.