Author: Mia

My primary blog, 'In my world,' is about my thoughts about the world and things I like. Not so much personal stuff. I'm a private person who wants to keep it that way. Also, visit my 'MiaPhotolio'

Life is full of disappointments

Mia7 Comments
Testikuva0116
Tuusula Lake, Järvenpää, Finland

It’s so easy to think about disappointments in your life than about things that is good. Sometimes life is full of surprises. That’s one of the reason I don’t like making plans because when I plan something, it just disappoints. I thought I would have a career, a family and a bright future at 25 but that never happened. It feels like I haven’t achieved anything in my life. I’ve only experienced disappointments. I feel like a failure at times. Seeing other people being so together at 30 something. Even under 30 has experienced more things than I have. At the same time I’m actually glad I’ve missed things because you can’t miss something you never experienced. When other have problems in family affairs or having to support others, I only have to live for me. Especially when I’m unemployed and I don’t have enough money to support anyone else. It’s a blessing and a curse.

I used to have a dream about becoming a pro in photography. I especially wanted to photograph motor sport. Mostly Formula One but that dream were dashed when I realised there’s a long way to go and I didn’t have faith I would get that far. I probably only wanted to photograph that because of a certain F1 driver but he’s now retired from that series anyway. Becoming a pro you need practise and if you can’t even get an internship how will you get work experience in that field. I’m mostly disappointed at myself that I don’t have that ambition and courage to try better. Follow your dream they say but I don’t believe it will ever happen to me. I just dream small because I’ve been disappointed too many times so I don’t expect much.

I had a happy childhood. I had loving parents and a sister. I had friends in school and everything was alright. It was the adulthood that has been sucking big time. I feel I’m behind everyone else in my age group. They’re all been experiencing things. Fallen in love, travelled outside Europe, got a career etc. I’m still stuck in what I want to do in my life. I’m a grown-up but mentally a lost child. I haven’t even had a real job with real pay. I’m still stuck in those teenage years when you’re still finding yourself. Except that I know who I am and why I’m on this earth. Well, in a way I don’t what my purpose is here. If there’s a higher power (which I truly believe there is) why do I only feel disappointments. Where is my happiness? Don’t I deserve it once in a while? By happy I don’t mean a relationship because happiness is more than that to me. I found happiness in small things but sometimes I wish I could find something bigger than that. I wish I had enough money to travel somewhere. Experience new things. What would me happier right now is a job where I know what I’m doing and in a laid back work environment. I probably end up disappointed again.

All those negative thoughts, there’s also positive thoughts. Enjoy the things you have and not what you don’t. I’m lucky I have a roof over my head. I have enough money to buy food and pay my bills. I’ve had parents who taught me things. I’ve had people who believed in me and support everything I do. I have my health. I don’t even have flu that often. I’m stronger than I was when I was younger. I believe there is a light in the end of the tunnel. Future might look and feel dark right now but it can’t last forever. Positive thinking keeps me positive even if there will be disappointments. But that’s what life is about it. You just have to take it as they come.

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Mia3 Comments

What is beauty? Who defines it? We all have different tastes and you can’t tell a person they’re wrong if they think someone is beautiful. Yes men can be that too. It’s a matter of opinion what it is. Beauty is not about your appearance, it’s what you feel inside and how you represent yourself that counts. Maybe pretty people don’t agree but that’s the truth.

If you have a pretty face but are ugly on the inside, looks doesn’t matter. The reason why I don’t understand these most beautiful woman or sexiest man alive polls is because we all have different tastes. These polls are unnecessary. They only choose people who are in the public eye at the time. I know a lot of men who are much better looking than the ones who gets these “awards” but because they’re not “In”, they won’t be recognised.
There is a lot of talk about Jennifer Aniston being voted the most beautiful women in the world 2016 about how wrong it was. Some said “Are they blind?” But that’s just one opinion. Some people just take these polls too seriously. Every year there is a new one so what’s the point fighting about it. It’s the same with beauty contests. Ideals change as the world changes. Why are people so petty when it comes to other people’s looks?

So what is beauty? Is it perfect skin, slim figure and a killer smile? Or is it a great personality, a person who cares about other people and awesome in many ways? For me beauty is the latter. There is no such thing as “ugly” In every person there’s something beautiful about them. Even she who was voted for the ugliest women in the world which I found insulting. People can be so cruel but she handled it well. You can’t change the way you look. You might try plastic surgery but what’s the use. You only live once. It’s better to just accept who you are. Natural is more beautiful than fake anyway.

I think only once someone had said I was beautiful but I don’t really need someone to say it. When I look at myself, there are times I feel really ugly but then there are days I’m alright about my looks. Photos are different. I hate myself in photos. I might be superficial when it comes to men but so are men who are not handsome and yet wants a beautiful women. Why can’t it be the other way around? It’s because the society expects to see women dress nice and wearing make-up. The fair sex. If you don’t fit into that category then you’re an outcast, a misfit.
I’m a tomboy and I hate girly stuff. I’m one of those rare one’s who rather get dirty than put on a skirt and make-up. I love watching sport and I’m also good at doing it. That was one of my favorite subjects in school. Especially when it was outside. I’m not afraid to break a nail (they’re not that long either 😀 ) I can’t understand how someone can wear high heels. I could never walk in those.
I feel different inside. Looking in the mirror I don’t see the person I feel. It’s a mismatch. I wish people could see me the way I see myself. Trying not to be overconfident but I do have an interesting personality. Everyone should feel proud about themselves. We’re all unique in our special ways. I just wish there were more people who could see others beyond looks. Not to judge someone by just looking at them. You should get to know that person first and that’s the only way to get to know them personally.

Especially men seem to have problems with women’s looks. They expect all women to look like models and if you’re not, they don’t even look your way. I think the reason is the way media represent ideals of how to look like. In movies and TV you see beautiful people all the time. It’s no wonder kids get the wrong idea about how to look like. Then you see in magazines tips about how to look better or how to lose weight. The list is long. Every teenager will go through these issues like I did. But as I’ve got older I’ve gained enough of confidence not to compare myself to others. I’m not gonna change just to fit in. I’m too smart for that. I’m not afraid to be different. It’s other people who should accept me for who I am and how I look like. No one is perfect. Not even the most beautiful.

Beauty doesn’t see age. A beautiful person doesn’t have to be young as Hollywood seems to think. It’s unfair that when men get older it builds character but when women does, their past it. I’m glad I’m not a famous person. I can get old with dignity and not be criticised for the way I look or live. Life is beautiful. What would it be if we all look and felt the same? Young or old and everything in between, the real beauty comes from within.

Hey, you! Fake person!

Mia3 Comments
fakepeople
Source: http://picsonica.com/quotes-about-fake-people/

I can spot a fake person a mile away. It’s a bit exaggerated but close. I think you learn to see the fake ones, the more experience you get from them. First you see them as a possible friend but discover later that they’re just pretending to like you. They can already be your friend but still stab you in the back.

I had friends like that. I had a friend in elementary school who I spent my time in and out of it. We used to go buy candy after school. I didn’t know at the time that I was the one who had to pay for it. My mother told me later that she’s just used me for that. Luckily our class spirit was high so I had other friends. I was still friend’s with her but I saw her differently when she said something about me to another class mate who was nice enough to tell me what she had said. This person who I thought were my friend, the person who was the only one who attended one of my birthday parties when the others couldn’t make it (the curse of being born in the beginning of summer vacation I might add 😉 ), talks shit behind my back. I got to know about it through another friend which is better than not hearing at all. Which comes to the next fake person.

I flunked 4th grade so I had to leave my old class behind. It was a shame since in this new class things weren’t as good. The first year went OK but when the 5th grade came, it was hell after that. There was this girl who I went to the same daycare center with when we were kids. We became friends. I don’t know what happened but her other friend who were this who turned the others against me. My “friend” chose who to be friends with. One day she wanted to spend time with me and the next with the other. When she had a fight with her other friend, suddenly I was good enough to be her friend. One day she wasn’t my friend at all. This Miss Petty was more important. Speaking of fake. She probably thought she was so perfect. She couldn’t even sit at the same table in the cafeteria because she couldn’t stand my bad skin. This former friend told me about it. Well, I’m sorry for being a teenager. I was one year older than them anyway.
Once in gym class I accidentally smiled and this friend said to me “Don’t laugh at my friend” In this annoyed voice. I wasn’t laughing at her friend at all. It was just so immature of her by reacting like that. It was really childish when I thought about it years later. She was the most fake friend I ever had.

This experience did have some effect on me. I lost my trust in people and found it difficult to find new one’s. I learned to be alone. I didn’t need friends because what’s the point if they really don’t want to know you. I recognised they were fake. They pretended to be friendly but they just wanted to mock me.
One good example were when I went to business school. My class was full of fakes. One asked me if I had a driver’s licence and looked at me like I was retarded. Why were they asking if I had? One invited me to they’re drinking party. For mocking that’s for sure. It was probably because I was quiet. They didn’t even bother getting to know me. I happened to say something in class once and they gave me “Wow, she can talk”- look. Well duh. I might not say much but I’m not mute.
What I remember most of my time in this school was this guy who asked me if I’ve been in a horror movie. At the time I didn’t quite understand what he meant. “How come?” I said. “No special reason” was his reply. Only when I started to remember years later about this I realised, he meant I was ugly. If it had happened now I would had said something. “Well have you looked yourself in the mirror lately?” Or “yes I have” and would have said “Boo” in his face. He wasn’t good-looking either so maybe he’s been in one. I was only there about a year and then I gave up. One of the reasons was these narrow-minded class mates.

I’m much stronger person because of these bad experiences. I would never let people treat me that way again. I’m so used to be alone so friends only feel like a hindrance. If I take part in events or studying, I never even try to become friends with others. I rather meet people, talk to them possibly but that’s about it. I don’t want to get stuck in a rut. I’m my best friend. I know everything about me and trust myself. Maybe I’m lying to myself that I can be happy alone but at least I don’t get hurt my other people’s lies. Some might think this kind of approach is not healthy but it works for me. It does have it disadvantages though. I’ll probably become one of those old ladies with cats. Minus the cats obviously. I’ve accepted my destiny, to be alone without friends as depressive as it’s sounds. Alone, not lonely. See the difference. There are a lot of people out there who are nice and who are not fake. Those are the people who matters. But I’m just too lazy to find them. As long as internet works I’m never alone. There are fakes there too but I know one when I see one.