Author: Mia

My primary blog, 'In my world,' is about my thoughts about the world and things I like. Not so much personal stuff. I'm a private person who wants to keep it that way. Also, visit my 'MiaPhotolio'

When you have an awful day

Mia3 Comments
bad_day
©Mia Salminen

You wake up in the morning and feel this could be a good day. But as the day passes, you feel everything is going down the drain. You lose hope and feel useless. Today it’s one of those days to me.

Yesterday I finally picked up the courage to call the digital advertising company again about a work practise place. I had an appointment today. I didn’t meet the person I were suppose to but I talked to someone else though. To make the story short, it’s a no can do. They’re too busy with some project so they have no time to show me anything. The person I talked to would ask the others if they could but I shouldn’t be too hopeful. Not exactly those words but still. So there goes the first one and there’s no hope for anything else either it seems. At least someone gave me a candy (for Women’s day) and then I saw a famous Finnish actor who sometimes appear in their videos.

The practise is suppose to begin next week but I have nothing. This really sucks. It was also no can do in the photography thing. Then I went to a another advertising company to ask. The same thing.
They say you shouldn’t give up but this is draining. I won’t find anything. I hate repeating everything. This is not for a paid job, it’s only practise for crying out loud. You don’t need to hold my hand. I’m not helpless. I can learn by watching. But it’s not really my fault. If they don’t have time or they already have someone than it’s their loss. At least that’s what I have to think to feel better.

If that wasn’t enough. We had a practise job interview in the career coaching course. I came to realise I’ll fail in real ones. I did get good tips about how to improve but I’m no talker. I don’t give long answers. I’m not a quick thinker either. Especially when it comes to past job experiences. I don’t remember exactly so of course there’s gonna be long pauses. My weakness is I can think inside my head but when I’m suppose to say it out loud, the words disappear. If the job interviewer wants a talkative person, they better find someone else. That’s not me. I prefer action to talk.

Days like these shouldn’t exist. Things should go the way you want. If they did, I wouldn’t feel so disappointed. Tomorrow is a better day. I hope.

 

Sometimes I feel so…. Worthless

Mia4 Comments

ifeelsoMaybe I should make this a habit. Every, let’s say every Friday, I have a theme beginning with ‘Sometimes I feel so….” and then I write about that subject. But then again when I think about it, maybe I run out of ideas. That happens a lot. I’m just not good with keeping up a schedule. I just feel worthless. Which where I now come to.

The worthless part shows its ugly head when I’m suppose to do something important. Even making a phone call makes me feel I’m not up to it. No matter how I try to prepare, it always backfires. Things work in my head but when I should them, I just give up.
Last time I felt worthless were some days ago. I was supposed to go to a few companies and ask for a work practise place. It’s like to get to know a profession and see how they work. Too difficult to explain in English. Anyway, it’s part of the career coaching thing. So I went there and I just couldn’t do it. I lost my nerve like I always do. I don’t know why I make it so difficult. I just can’t walk inside a company just like that. If that’s awful, calling a stranger is no walk in the park either. It’s also an introvert thing. If there’s a technology I could live without, that’s a phone. I could just use email to contact people.

I feel so worthless when I try to write a CV or a job application. I don’t know how to write about things I’m good at. Before you could just write what you’ve studied and so on but now you have to explain why you’re good at something. It difficult to make up the words and especially when it feels like you’re not good at anything. You can’t judge your own skills. I admire those who can. Reading those job ads and trying to understand what the companies really want. ‘What can you offer us?’ it’s one the most difficult questions. ‘Why should we hire you?’ is another. It would be easiest just to say ‘I don’t know’ to both but that’s not helpful if you want a job.

Back to the work practise. I found a couple of interesting companies online. One is about photography and the other is about video advertisement. I emailed them first because that’s the way I can handle things better. It worked before so why not now. I got a reply from the video one almost immediately and the email said I would contact this person. So today I thought of calling. I kept thinking what to say. My problem is I think too much. I’m too worried I’ll be misunderstood or something goes wrong. When I finally picked up the courage, there were no reply. It was quite late so I didn’t try again. On Monday it’s gonna start all over again. I just feel so worthless I can’t make calls to strangers. The reason is not just about introversion, it’s about lack of practise. It seems so easy for some to call to places but I’m such a coward. I really I hope I will get to make that call or I’ll miss my chance. Trying to get another place feels almost impossible.

Luckily feeling worthless is just temporary. Some suffer from it a longer time. Once you get over that feeling, you feel you really are worth it after all.