Category: Life

Sometimes I feel so…. Worthless

Mia4 Comments

ifeelsoMaybe I should make this a habit. Every, let’s say every Friday, I have a theme beginning with ‘Sometimes I feel so….” and then I write about that subject. But then again when I think about it, maybe I run out of ideas. That happens a lot. I’m just not good with keeping up a schedule. I just feel worthless. Which where I now come to.

The worthless part shows its ugly head when I’m suppose to do something important. Even making a phone call makes me feel I’m not up to it. No matter how I try to prepare, it always backfires. Things work in my head but when I should them, I just give up.
Last time I felt worthless were some days ago. I was supposed to go to a few companies and ask for a work practise place. It’s like to get to know a profession and see how they work. Too difficult to explain in English. Anyway, it’s part of the career coaching thing. So I went there and I just couldn’t do it. I lost my nerve like I always do. I don’t know why I make it so difficult. I just can’t walk inside a company just like that. If that’s awful, calling a stranger is no walk in the park either. It’s also an introvert thing. If there’s a technology I could live without, that’s a phone. I could just use email to contact people.

I feel so worthless when I try to write a CV or a job application. I don’t know how to write about things I’m good at. Before you could just write what you’ve studied and so on but now you have to explain why you’re good at something. It difficult to make up the words and especially when it feels like you’re not good at anything. You can’t judge your own skills. I admire those who can. Reading those job ads and trying to understand what the companies really want. ‘What can you offer us?’ it’s one the most difficult questions. ‘Why should we hire you?’ is another. It would be easiest just to say ‘I don’t know’ to both but that’s not helpful if you want a job.

Back to the work practise. I found a couple of interesting companies online. One is about photography and the other is about video advertisement. I emailed them first because that’s the way I can handle things better. It worked before so why not now. I got a reply from the video one almost immediately and the email said I would contact this person. So today I thought of calling. I kept thinking what to say. My problem is I think too much. I’m too worried I’ll be misunderstood or something goes wrong. When I finally picked up the courage, there were no reply. It was quite late so I didn’t try again. On Monday it’s gonna start all over again. I just feel so worthless I can’t make calls to strangers. The reason is not just about introversion, it’s about lack of practise. It seems so easy for some to call to places but I’m such a coward. I really I hope I will get to make that call or I’ll miss my chance. Trying to get another place feels almost impossible.

Luckily feeling worthless is just temporary. Some suffer from it a longer time. Once you get over that feeling, you feel you really are worth it after all.

A good education doesn’t guarantee you a job

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Source: http://www.edweek.org

Getting a job these days is difficult wherever you are. No matter what you study, it doesn’t mean you’ll get a job in that field. There’s always different excuses why you’re not getting the job you applied for. It’s either too many applicants or you’re not qualified even if you know you can do the job. No matter how you try to stand out, there’s always someone else who gets picked instead of you.

A lot of people send applications to hundreds of different companies but they’re not even getting interviews. What’s the point there? If you send the same CV’s and applications no wonder you don’t get any. Every job you apply for should be different. Sometimes not even that helps. You also need some luck. Or you have a large connection circle. But what if you don’t have neither of them. Should you educate yourself to something else where there’s work? There are jobs but never the one you’re looking for. I’m up to here with education. It’s a job or an internship I want. There is no other option.

Last time I had an internship was in 2012 and even that was only for 2 weeks. After that I have nothing. The problem is, there seem to be too many people doing creative work which is the one I’m interesting in. Especially photography but there’s no work for someone like me. I’ve started to think I’ll never become a pro. Even photography itself has become boring. Maybe I should just have it as a hobby. Why bother getting better if no one even wants to give you an internship? The studies in Helsinki Design School hasn’t helped at all. That was a lot of nonsense. They just wanted to cash in from students. Don’t get me wrong. I did get something out of it. But when it comes to work, nada. At least I did something and met new people.

That something can’t last forever though. Honestly I’m getting tired of it. I’m not getting younger and soon no one wants to hire me. First of all, I’m been out of the work environment for too long and secondly I’m getting too old for this shit (turning 39 this June) Even if I’m that old, I’m not very confident finding anything. You should never lose hope but at the moments I’m close to it. I’m going to a career coaching course next month where there’s gonna be about job searching, about your strengths and interests, among other things. I don’t know if that will help my case but at least that’s better than doing the same old things I do now.

New year, new m.. meh, why bother

Mia1 Comment

New year is so overrated. Things won’t change. The world will still be crazy. It’s getting more ridiculous each year. Maybe it’s not the world, it’s the people in it. No one really cares except those that only care about themselves. It has become a Me, Me, Me world. As long as you’re happy, it doesn’t matter how things are with others. There are people who doesn’t have better things to do than follow other people’s lives. Mostly celebrities lives. Who really cares what they do or who they date etc. Why don’t these nosy people get a life. Tumblr is full of these people. The scum of the world. I don’t know what’s more sickening, a child molester or a nosy “fan” who wants to know everything about a celebrity. Just because they’re in the public eye (some more than others) doesn’t mean their private life are a concern to others.

New years resolutions are a waste of time. How can you become a better person if you’re already are one. Why should you try to change yourself just because its new year. It’s new every time. Why not make a resolution some other day. Like in June. Why even do resolutions anyway. You’re gonna break them anyway so what’s the point.
That’s one of the reasons I don’t make any. I’m not gonna promise something I won’t keep. I’m not gonna lie to myself or other’s. Besides life too short to nitpick.

I’m not gonna plan anything. If you don’t expect any, you won’t get disappointed. Live for a day and go where life takes you. Or nowhere in my case. The only thing I know what I’m gonna do is finally seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens next Thursday. I got movie tickets for Christmas so 3 more movies to see. Then there’s Sherlock and The Blacklist is back from hiatus. In entertainment the year will be good. Other stuff, meh.

So have a happy 2016. Or at least try to be.