Bury myself in thought

July 12, 2017 Mia1 Comment

spades in sand Sometimes I bury myself in thought. Especially when it comes to writing fan fiction. When I have an idea, the writing can take days and during them, I get lost in thought. I stay in that state of mind and I might even forget the real life for a while. The fiction is better than reality and I need an escape from that. The fiction could take over if I don’t wake up to reality. I can get lost in my thoughts if it’s a person I’m thinking about or something I’ve seen entertainment wise. My mind goes everywhere at once. It can be stressful at times because I see things from different angles.

There’s more life inside my head than on the outside. I was once told my inside world should show on the outside but that’s impossible. First of all my world inside is impossible to fulfil because it’s not real. Secondly, if my inside world would be outside, no one would follow the script and most of it would be censored. The world just couldn’t handle my mind. You might see some of that world in my fiction but still, it doesn’t give the right idea. I’ll bury those thoughts in my head until the day I die. Or take that to my grave so no one will ever found out. Some thoughts should remain in the vault and never see daylight. Some of my thoughts are getting worse as I get older so it should remain hidden.

Some people want to bury their feelings because they think it’s weak to show emotions. But that’s like denying you’re human. Even if you don’t show emotion, you should at least have respect for others. A smile is never bad and if you had a bad day, you should still be friendly. If you work with clients, you should be able to play nice. I’ve seen a lot of cashiers in the store who doesn’t smile and that puts me right off. They shouldn’t work in a service occupation if they can’t be friendly. Sometimes you need to keep your emotions in check because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. But if you bury all your feelings, nothing good will come out of it. So keep smiling because then the world smiles with you.

My lost grit

July 11, 2017 Mia3 Comments

grit road and mountains I can honestly say, I have no grit. I give up as soon as things feel impossible. That’s the reason why I haven’t had a successful life. There have been times I had that grit but most of the time it’s lost. I quit my educations twice because I felt it was too hard. One was the business school but that doesn’t actually count since one of the reasons why I quit was because the atmosphere in class was awful. But the second education was photography. I was only there about 2 months because it wasn’t what I expected. I just gave up too easily. That’s something I regret but I was too influenced by the teacher who was too old-fashioned to even consider there are other ways to photograph. If only digital photography would be a thing at the time.

The time I did have the grit was when I studied graphic design. It was a two-year education. I had some motivation problems and I almost thought of quitting. But I thought to myself to take a grip so I hang on there. I didn’t want to have that 3rd school quitting thing on my record. After that, I’ve decided I wouldn’t quit any school no matter how hard it would become. It really has held this far. For a while, I did lose that grit when I studied web design. There was a difficult moment when we learned coding. But in the end, it was worth going through that stage. I did not give up and now I have a qualification in web design. Now I can officially say what I’ll do if someone asks. I’m a web designer.

I really need that grit back because it looks like I won’t get a job in web design. The other option is freelancing but that takes a lot of courage and grit. There is a change to be part-time and that’s called light entrepreneurship. It’s a good way to practise how to work for yourself. But still, you need to find clients on your own. That is the most difficult part and of course how much your client has to pay for your work. Planning is not really my strongest point and I usually end up empty handed. There’s a lot of pressure to be different from the others. There’s so much at stake and if you have no grit, it will be even harder. I don’t have that business mind and marketing myself is a lot of work. It already feels like I shouldn’t even try because of the workload you need to do. On the other hand, there is more freedom to work for yourself. You work on your own but yet you have that client you work for. The downside is that if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. I don’t want to lose my spare time either. I wish I had that grit like my father have. If grit runs in the family, then it must have skipped a generation.

Life is never easy. If it was, I would have that grit. I would have a lot if life was easy. You play with the cards you’re given. I have some grit in me and that’s getting over my problems. Getting through life is the main thing and not how successful you can become. Enjoying life in small doses is good enough for me and that’s a grit everybody should have.

Tallenna