Confidence or imprecation

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three rocks in a pile
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How would you rate your confidence level?

Daily Prompt

My confidence level depends on the day. Some days it’s 0, the others is 9. I don’t know if it’s an imprecation or just the way I work. I never seem to know what I want out of life. I don’t feel confident around other people. When I’m on my own, I feel I can be myself. In the beginning, when I meet new people, I try to be outgoing. But then it gets tiring, and I keep to myself. It feels like no one is responding to me, so I let it go. Why stress about it how others see you? For example, when I started the filmmaking course, I talked to a person, but now I don’t say anything to anyone. Maybe it’s a Finnish thing, but people never ask me anything. I have to take the initiative, and it’s stressful for an introvert. Finns are only open when they know the person. Or if you’re a tourist, they are nice to you. It’s hard to make friends with a Finn. Even for the Finns themselves. We are all strangers at first, but I don’t know how people become friends if they never ask things about you. I don’t know how I had friends when I was a kid. It was easier then, I guess.

I’m confident about certain things, but then reality hits, and they are dashed. One of them is working somewhere, and I do my job well. But others might not think the same. How would they know when I’m not getting a job anywhere? I’m confident I can get a job one day, but those hopes disappear when I don’t get one. There is some kind of imprecation hanging over me regarding job searches. A healthy person shouldn’t be treated like this. But there are a lot of others who won’t get hired either, no matter what they try. You can’t get more confidence if no one wants to give you a chance. Many people lose their confidence when things don’t go how they want. I haven’t lost mine because my confidence level rarely gets to zero. If you lose your faith in yourself, feeling blue is easier. What others think about you is not relevant. Especially those who want you harm. Like the song, ‘Greatest Love of all’ by Whitney Houston, whatever they take away from me. They can’t take away my dignity.

At our latest meeting in school, we had a producer who taught us about movie production. He said you should do things even if you’re afraid. It’s true, but it’s not easy for someone who prefers getting away from situations like that. I don’t have that kind of confidence. I have been running away from things I’m afraid of all my life. I’m a dreamer and not a risk-taker. I have a temporary confidence period, but then I get nothing done anyway. I know I should, but something stops me from acting. It’s not about being afraid of failure; I’ve been through that many times; it’s about not having enough confidence in my skills. I don’t want to spend time with something that won’t get results. It’s not easy to start something when you don’t know if you got what it takes. Becoming an entrepreneur is one of the most challenging things, to begin with. That’s better than having to try to please employers to hire you. At least then you can get more confidence in what you do. One thing is for sure, my confidence level is better than it was when I was younger. I guess that’s what life experiences give you.

Pinch of criticism about the Oscars

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the oscars statue
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If you didn’t know, the Oscars awards were last night. I didn’t watch it because I think it’s a waste of time to stay up that late. Actually, I’m not interested in the Academy Awards that much. I saw it once when Lord of the rings was nominated, and they won too. The nominations have become a little weird. There are movies I’ve never heard of. The film that should be nominated isn’t. It only gets stranger each year. I wonder if there are only old farts that choose who gets nominated. A pinch of criticism about the Oscars here.

Some of the movies you can’t even watch in the theatre. Not everyone wants to pay for Netflix. I already have Disney Plus. It’s not that I would watch the movies, but only saying movies like that shouldn’t be nominated in an award show like The Oscars. Short films are different. They can only be shown on streaming services. I always wondered why movie series never get nominated for the big awards. They might belong to a series, but they are still different movies. They usually win special effects or awards like that. I don’t think it’s right, but that’s how the Academy works. Lord of the rings is the only movie that won Best movie. It seems trilogies are poison for the Academy. I feel a little sorry for the actors who won’t get nominated because they are in these movies. Then again, they don’t become actors for the awards. The Oscars are only one among other award shows, so it’s not the end of the world if “wrong” movies or actors get nominated. It’s only a Hollywood thing, to show off your party dress. That’s probably a big part of why people watch the award show. I don’t care about that. I care about watching movies and not the glamour that goes with the filmmaking folks.

Don’t be timorous to learn

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What is the last thing you learned?

Daily Prompt

I’m studying filmmaking, and this week we learned about film production. Some of the things are old things from before, but I also learned something new. You shouldn’t be timorous to learn. I don’t necessarily want to be in the movie industry, but it’s interesting to know how movies and TV shows are made. I just like to learn because then, at least, I know I’ve done something in my life. Having knowledge is only a good thing.

Your mind might become mush if you’re too timorous in learning new things. Some might think they already know enough, so they don’t need to learn. But life is about learning. You’re never ready. Even experienced people learn something. While you learn, you become better at it. Learning a language, for example, if you don’t learn new words, you won’t approve. You get timorous when you try to speak it because you’re afraid to use it wrong. Everybody makes mistakes, but that’s how you learn. I know more English now than I did when I was a teen. If I hadn’t used it, this blog wouldn’t exist. E.g. today, I learned a new word, Timorous. Learning is part of life, and it gives you a lot of possibilities that you wouldn’t get otherwise. So go and learn; it grows you as a person too.