Nothing new under the sun. It’s been a while since I graduated from the graphic design course in Helsinki Design School but nothing has happened after that. Why would it? There is never any luck. Nothing ever happenstance to me. Only crap. Many probably already have gained something from the education. I’m always in the same place, year after year. During the education it felt like I wasn’t that good in graphic design and nothing will come out of it.  Seeing other student’s work, I felt even worse. The portfolio presentation was awful. I don’t know if I even have any potential since I got no real feedback. My presentations are never any good and I hate situations like that. I’m nervous no matter how I’ve prepared. Standing in front of the others makes me forget everything and no notes help. Maybe if there would only be one of two, then I could get something out of it. I’ll never get any work this way.

All the job listings require at least 2 years of work experience. And a professional degree. If I did get a job interview, I still wouldn’t get it because I’m bad at it. No job search courses have helped either. No matter what others say, there is no use. No LinkedIn and that kind of places work either. People say it does but I don’t agree. It just doesn’t work for everyone. Especially in Finland. Being an introvert doesn’t help the matter. I hate it when you need to brand yourself and you need to have great communication skills. Then when my mother tongue is Swedish, it shows in my Finnish writing. But so what? How should I write then? Should I hire a writer whose mother tongue is Finnish? Then it’s not me who’s writing. The most important thing is being understood, right?

If I want a job I should become an entrepreneur but that also requires work. It also takes time to get started. I don’t have time all my life. I want results right away and not in 10 years. I don’t really know what I want any longer because nothing seems to work. It pisses me off because I never have any luck. I could be unemployed for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t need to do anything. Money doesn’t grow on trees but at least I could just be. I can do what I like. Sleep late. But the laziness strikes. I want to do something and not shy away from work like certain people do. When you read about entrepreneurship, there is a lot of negativity. You’re not allowed to do anything. “Don’t have your own business” “Go work for someone else” What if you don’t belong anywhere? You just don’t feel at home among other people. Is being unemployed much better than being an entrepreneur? I think not. Unemployment cost. At least mentally. You have to be social in the workplace and so on. Finding a job is sucks because it requires so much. Personally, I’m bored with it all. You just have to believe in yourself because no one else will. Let the employers hire young and beautiful people they don’t need to pay so much to. I have educations but no one wants to hire me because I don’t have enough experience in my own field. I don’t even get any free work. Thanks to a certain company. I won’t mention any names since they can come and get me. Maybe not but still. At least I got an interview. I was probably too old for their organisation. I applied twice to another company. That was a paid job. I won’t apply to that again. I got the hint. If I only could get the courage to start something on my own.

Certain people have no idea how the job search works these days. No one gets a job just like that. Not everyone is able to do just any job. Like cleaning. You should get experience in your own field and not take a job away from someone else. If you don’t know anything about today, you should keep quiet. “You can find a job if you’re really trying” Well then apply for that job then, self-centred bastard. Everyone doesn’t have friends in high places. Those who do probably don’t even need to write job applications. They want a job and they get it. In real life, it’s not that easy. A good looking resume doesn’t guarantee you anything. It’s what’s in it that counts and if you don’t have it, you don’t even get an interview. You get the round file or file 13. You’re not welcome to their little club. They don’t like you. Just like school. If you’re not the king or queen of the class, you’re nothing. You’re the nerd no one wants to become friends with. Why should you need to please those idiots? Let them have their little club. I don’t want to waste my time with people like that. I’ll rather be alone. At least I can have a decent conversation and nobody demands anything from me.