What a job mentor has given me

coaching goal
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A job mentor is someone who helps you with job search and with resumes. You also call them career mentors. As an unemployed, you get to go to different job search courses and you can also get a personal mentor if you like. How fun and you get closer to that job you want. buzzer Wrong, you only get something to do during the day. Maybe you get tips about job search but it won’t help you get a job. It gives the mentor a job. Maybe someone has succeeded to find a job by using these mentors but usually, they’re a waste of time. I should know. I’m been in a lot of different job search courses. But I’m not bitter. There has been something positive too. So this is what a job mentor has given me.

I’ve had two different mentors. One was twice. The first one was in 2008 or 2009. I didn’t have any examination at the time. We searched for internships but we didn’t find anything. Photography was very important to me at the time. The mentor suggested if I would apply for education instead. I was reluctant at first because I didn’t want to study for too many years. She (the mentor) found an education where photography wasn’t the main thing but it had it. It was a 2-year education. It felt really long but after thinking about it, I decided to apply for it. It was an undergraduate degree in visual expression. It was a basic graphic design and it also had photography. Before I applied I went to that school for a week to see how it was to study there. I think that helped me to get in. So after two years, I graduated. When I think back, I wish I would have continued with graphic design after that. I would have much more experience now. Photography was just so stuck in my mind so I didn’t think about any other options. You live and learn.

The second mentor really tried to help to find me at least an internship but again, no one wanted to take an intern. We looked on the internet about different companies and contacted them. Or the mentor did because I hate calling. Either way, no chance anywhere. It’s not the mentor’s fault companies doesn’t want to give a chance. They only want people with job experiences and not someone they think they have to babysit. The only achievement I got from this mentor was an internship in one of my local newspaper as a photographer. But it was only 2 weeks which was ridiculous. That’s actually my last internship so far. At least I got some of my photos published. I had this mentor twice because the jobcentre suggested it. I don’t find this kind of services useful when it comes to job search. In some things, they can be useful but it hasn’t helped my case that much. The same with job search courses where other people attend.

And boy, have I been on those courses. I’ve been to career coaching and job search training. You can find all kinds of tips online and study it by yourself. In the end, it still won’t get you a job. There are too many unemployees and not enough jobs. You need job experience in your resume. It doesn’t mean what you’ve studied. Then you also need to be good at job interviews. Job search is just so complicated so no wonder people get depressed. Nothing is never good enough. My good results from these mentors and courses are two educations. Latest was the web design course in 2016-2017. All of these have been my choices and that’s how it should be. I’ve done at least something and not just be. Many people have been on job search courses and had mentors but felt disappointed. They only think about the negative. I try to find something good about it. Some things wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t attended any of those courses. It didn’t help to get me a job but at least I’ve grown as a person. Maybe that will pay off one day.

Please drop me a bag of confidence at my door

confidence word in a bag
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I wish I was as confident in design as I am at writing fan fiction. I can use my imagination in that but not when it comes to other creative things. I feel I never gonna be any good. Even in the school assignments we have at Helsinki Design School feel like I have no talent at all. I can do crap probably but nothing someone would pay me for. Especially when it comes to drawing and illustrations. One of the assignments is to make a poster about your city or make something up. It should work as an outdoor advertisement. I make one of my city. I have this thought in my head the feedback will be “it looks too computerized” Like I got in the feedback on the Christmas card I did. I have the ideas but when it comes to making them, it’s totally different. Drawing on a computer isn’t easy when you only have a mouse. But I don’t think I can draw that well on a paper either. Please drop me a bag of confidence at my door because all I do is putting myself down. Posting drawings online or photos don’t get much attention. People just want to be nice instead of telling me how bad they look. If you got nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all, I suppose. The ability to draw isn’t important in graphic design though. There are so many better ones out there. If every designer could draw, there would be more unemployed illustrators. I shouldn’t feel bad about not knowing to draw because I’m good at other things.

There are so many good graphic designers so you feel like you’re garbage compared to them. I watched on Youtube a few portfolios where people show with motion graphics what they’ve studied and what projects they worked on. Most of them are in their 20s. How can you compete with them? They get a job before you ever do. I wish I knew at 20 what I wanted to do. Maybe I would got better or realised I’m not good enough and I would start over with something else. You need to have good ideas when you work with design but mine is not. I never get any new perspectives or fresh ideas. It feels like I’m not made for design. But there are other people who think the same some time in their life. It’s called imposter syndrome. Anyone can feel they’re not good enough. Also in life, you can feel you’re lying to yourself about your abilities. You don’t get better overnight. It takes time. I just hope it won’t take for years for me.

Design is not the only thing I don’t have enough confidence in. Also starting something on my own. It seems I won’t find a job in the open market. All they want is someone with years of experience and almost perfect skills. And young of course. Finland now has a new government but that won’t change anything when it comes to job search. If you have your own business there’s a lot of bureaucracy and also all about making a brand etc. It would be easier to get a job with someone else but when you can’t get one, what can you do. I keep thinking about this situation I’m in and there is no way out. If I don’t have confidence in my graphic design skills, how can I feel confident in entrepreneurship? I keep my goals small and one of them is finishing this graphic design education. What comes after that is a mystery.