Tag: about me

Alright but not stellar

Mia8 Comments
photo collage
Made in Canva

They say don’t compare yourself to others but sometimes it just comes into your mind. Other people seem to succeed in things they do much better than yourself. You feel you’re a failure compared to others. They do all these stellar things and you’re just there feeling blue because you can’t get that Wow- feeling. It can be anything, a job you do, social skills, raising your kids and so on. The only comfort you get is trying to appreciate what you have.

I feel like the way I described above. I think I’m alright but not stellar. I should believe in myself more because who else will? No one is great when they start things. It takes a lot of practice. In some things, I have years of experiences. Like photography. It’s probably 20 years but I still don’t see if I’ve improved in it. All those educations I’ve been in and I still don’t see it? Maybe I’m just a hobbyist and I thought my photos were good enough. It’s only when someone tells me they’re good. Or at least alright. I always have a doubt what people really think. I have had comments my photos are nothing special. One was a pro of all people. Maybe it has affected me a little but that’s just one opinion. People seem to like them and that’s what matters. I haven’t got a job because my photos but I’m not planning to be a pro anymore anyway. Maybe 3 years ago but now my priorities have changed. Also because I don’t have driver’s license which seems to be so important in that profession.

I have always been a creative person. At least in my own mind. But then I see other peoples stellar work and it makes me feel so small. They’re really talented and it feels I’m not. You should never forget they were novices once too and probably felt the same way. But they didn’t give up. I haven’t given up because if I had, I would have changed my mind about what I wanted to do. I’ve stuck to the idea I would do something creative. It would be great if I would earn money from it. An office job is not for me or any other uncreative things. That’s why web design and graphic design is suitable for me. There you can express yourself and at the same time help others. The problem is I’m not very good at giving advice to people. I’m the one who needs advice. I can only tell what I think of things or what I’ve experienced in life. I can find out things for other people but I don’t know how to give advice from memory. I can’t tell you how to get more followers to your blog or how to promote your business. Those are things I want to know. I really dislike the words standing out. Isn’t it enough to be the way I am? OK, maybe I’m standing out for not knowing how to advise people. That’s not really something to brag about, is it?

One thing I do know I’m stellar at is writing fiction. Maybe it sounds a bit arrogant to think so but if you don’t like what you write yourself, how will others think so? I only write it for fun but I’m still satisfied with my writing. I also write them in English so that has also impressed people. I’ve written them so long I don’t think I could write one in Finnish or Swedish. Besides, in English, the stories sound so much better. I wish I could be stellar in other things I do the way I feel in writing. I guess I just done it so much longer (since I could write) so it feels more natural to me. Life is a learning process and you’re never finished. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel worse. Be who you are and be stellar in what you do best.

Life is a smorgasbord

MiaLeave a comment

small chocolate cakes

Smorgasbord (a.k.a. buffet) is not only something we eat on Stockholm cruises everytime we go. It’s also life. It’s all about choices. There is a lot of them and sometimes we don’t like the choices we make. Or we don’t know what to take because everything looks tempting. The other is to have enough courage to try something new.

I wish I could be like how Anthony Bourdain was (RIP) He was never afraid to eat what he was offered. He always tried something new. I could never do it. I’m very picky about food and I’m always reserved for trying something new. Once I was brave enough to try sushi which I would never have done when I was younger. I didn’t like the food but at least I tried. I’m not only picky when it comes to food. I would want to be brave like Bourdain but with career choices. I’m probably the most indecisive person there is. I just think and think but I’m too much of coward to do anything about it.

I’ve had a lot of ideas about what I wanted to do. I was at the smorgasbord of career choices but there were just too many things I wanted. Or too many boring choices. I was too concentrated on what I wanted to do so other people have gone past me on the life train. Age is nothing but a number and it doesn’t mean experience. Some 20 years old can have more experience than me. I might have more life experience but it doesn’t mean I’ve tasted life more. In some things, I can be more experienced but not when it comes to jobs. There’s a big gap in my work history. The employers would probably think what I’ve done all my life if I hadn’t studied something. Now I still don’t have a job so some people would probably think something is wrong with me. Well, so what? No one is perfect. There’s is no time machine so I can’t go back and change my past.

There is a choice on the smorgasbord of career choices and that’s entrepreneurship. I’ve been to the course and found information of it by myself. I even have a business plan. So what am I waiting for? Mostly courage I think. It’s so hard to start anything when you have so much else to do. Maybe it’s because it’s summer and holiday season so I just wait for Autumn. The only thing I know I’ll do is the graphic design course. For now, I just want to explore the smorgasbord of freedom. I think about those other things later.