Tag: about me

Smelly cat (part 2)

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Fragrances

The worst smell in the world is smokers. There lives a few in my building and in my dad’s as well. You can’t be in peace anywhere. Even sweat smell better than cigarettes. I wrote a post about that before. This post is the 2nd part of it.

The other disgusting fragrance is people who wear too much of it. I have an atopic skin and strong smells are bad for me. I have to hold my breath and I start to sneeze. I get eczema if I’m around strong smells for too long. That’s one of the reasons I can’t work as a cleaner or in a working environment with strong detergents. It’s the same with cigarette smoke. I just can’t be around smokers. When smoking was allowed in restaurants or pubs, I couldn’t be there. Now they all outside so I can’t be there either. Either way, I never go to pubs anyway because they’re boring.
Some people have no respect for others. They splash their perfumes like they haven’t showered for years and then they get out in public to spread their odours around. I can’t even walk past a perfume shelf in the store without feeling a headache. I always walk pass them while holding my nose. Even if I used perfume on myself in the past, I always sneeze so I don’t use it anymore.

I don’t know what kind of poison people use when they wash their clothes. Every time I go to the laundry room in my dad’s building, there’s always an awful smell in there. There are washing powders that don’t smell but some seem to buy something cheap. Maybe they put more than they should. It’s probably something that is bad for the environment. That’s the problem with having to use the same laundry room as other people. Sometimes I wish we had a washing machine of our own but the problem is a lack of space to put the things to dry. You just have to accept how things are. So far I haven’t got any other symptoms than eczema. Some people are even more sensitive to strong smells than I am. For them, fragrances are a nightmare. If people would be more considerate of others, then people with hypersensitivity of fragrances could enjoy life more. Instead of using perfumes or aftershave for men, how about taking a shower instead. Clean is the new fragrance and the ozone layer will thank you.

Gate of life

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white gateYou might know the saying, ‘When one gate closes, another opens’ I’ve had a lot of those but unfortunately none of them has been the right one. If it’s about what schools I’ve attended, places I’ve been to or the people I’ve met. I’ve learned through life that it doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. All you can do is look forward. At least to the near future. People I’ve met when I was a kid doesn’t matter anymore. That’s why it’s called the past. I don’t want to keep in touch with people who didn’t appreciate me and I don’t care what they do today. They’re irrelevant.

If I had a time machine, I wouldn’t want to go back. It would have been nice to keep my mother alive though. But you can’t change the past. Maybe I’ve said this before in some post but if I hadn’t been through what I have, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. Things you go through in life are a lesson you learn and you do things a different way. There are mistakes I’ve done several times just to make sure and I’ll continue to do them. It’s a mistake I make every time I meet new people. Maybe they’re not mistakes but a part of my personality. First I decide to be brave but when the time comes, I get back to my shell. I just don’t feel secure enough around people I don’t know. I’m not an open book but still, people notice I’m an introvert. In their eyes, it’s shyness since the word introvert is not a familiar word. I shouldn’t need to explain myself to others. It’s their problem if they don’t want to approach me because I’m reserved.

The most difficult gate to open is finding a job. You would think someone with different skills would get a job easier but it’s not. The older you get, the worse it becomes. A real job with real pay and not an internship where the employer gets cheap labour force. I can’t seem to get my foot in the door of any company. What’s the point of having a couple of degrees when you can’t impress anyone who could hire you? I do admit I’m a bit lazy to send out applications but when you can’t find anything suitable to apply for, then I can’t find the point of applying to just anything. I’ve applied to two companies who do web design but no luck. I’ve had problems of finding my niche in careers and when I finally find one, it’s not good enough. Maybe it would be better to start working for myself instead of working for someone else. It’s getting more tempting as the autumn gets closer. I did enjoy the time when I worked for a client on the job learning. Having a choice when to work was freedom. I’ve always wanted to work on the internet so maybe web design is the answer to my wishes.

I’m actually bored with trying to find the right gate of life. My sin is laziness. I lack ambition and I’m always been afraid of taking risks. There are things in life that I will miss having to experience but I’ve settled with my destiny. Even there’s still time, the fact is I’m not getting any younger. If they made a movie of my life, it would be the most boring movie ever made. On my tombstone, it would probably say, ‘She lived’ and that’s it. The harsh truth is some gates will be unopened and that’s something you just have to accept.

Bury myself in thought

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spades in sandSometimes I bury myself in thought. Especially when it comes to writing fan fiction. When I have an idea, the writing can take days and during them, I get lost in thought. I stay in that state of mind and I might even forget the real life for a while. The fiction is better than reality and I need an escape from that. The fiction could take over if I don’t wake up to reality. I can get lost in my thoughts if it’s a person I’m thinking about or something I’ve seen entertainment wise. My mind goes everywhere at once. It can be stressful at times because I see things from different angles.

There’s more life inside my head than on the outside. I was once told my inside world should show on the outside but that’s impossible. First of all my world inside is impossible to fulfil because it’s not real. Secondly, if my inside world would be outside, no one would follow the script and most of it would be censored. The world just couldn’t handle my mind. You might see some of that world in my fiction but still, it doesn’t give the right idea. I’ll bury those thoughts in my head until the day I die. Or take that to my grave so no one will ever found out. Some thoughts should remain in the vault and never see daylight. Some of my thoughts are getting worse as I get older so it should remain hidden.

Some people want to bury their feelings because they think it’s weak to show emotions. But that’s like denying you’re human. Even if you don’t show emotion, you should at least have respect for others. A smile is never bad and if you had a bad day, you should still be friendly. If you work with clients, you should be able to play nice. I’ve seen a lot of cashiers in the store who doesn’t smile and that puts me right off. They shouldn’t work in a service occupation if they can’t be friendly. Sometimes you need to keep your emotions in check because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. But if you bury all your feelings, nothing good will come out of it. So keep smiling because then the world smiles with you.