Being brave doesn’t mean doing anything crazy, like rock climbing or stuff like that. You can be bold by talking to others or writing about something you like. I don’t see myself as a brave person. I’m more of a thinker than a doer. I’ve been thinking about entrepreneurship for some years, but I haven’t been brave enough to do anything about it. I like to be in my comfort zone.
I bravely went to my first concert in 2017 when I saw Robbie Williams. I never thought I would go to any concert when I was younger. I didn’t like being in crowded places. Now I’ve been to two, and I’m going to three shows this year in another city. Now that’s what I call brave, in my opinion. I’m going alone too. For some, even going to the movies alone scares them, which I don’t get. Doing things alone is much better than having someone there saying, I don’t want to go. Or any other complaints. When I go and study in Helsinki, I always go out alone at lunch. I can do some sightseeing at the same time. As an introvert, I like to be alone to collect my strength. So that’s how I am brave, doing things alone. That’s something not everyone can do.
If I could reinstall something in my life, it’s the choices I’ve made. But you can’t go back. You can only live in the present. I don’t regret things, but I wish I could have done things differently. One of them is about occupations. I wish I had known earlier what I wanted to do. I was so into thinking about it, I missed things other people did. I shouldn’t have lived in the bubble. I was too worried about the things that could go wrong. I wished I had been brave. Now I will probably be alone with nobody around me. I could quickly become a recluse. I could live in a place where there are no people around. But I wouldn’t want to be there all the time. I’m a city person, so I need to see other people. I’m not a green thumb, so I couldn’t grow my own food or have a garden. I don’t even change the soil in my late mother’s plants.
Sometimes I think maybe I should have to reinstall my blogging path. Write about something more popular. But that can be changed at any time. I’m not very good at that advice-giving thing that seems to be in many blogs. I also don’t want to be like any other blog. I’m only blogging for fun. It wouldn’t be as fun if I did it for a living. It’s a lot of stress to think about blog subjects. So I wouldn’t want to reinstall my path in blogging. That wouldn’t be me anymore. I don’t want to reinstall myself. I like the way I am. I’ve come this far, and I want to move on. This blog is part of me, and if I reinstalled it, I would also reinstall me. I can not let that happen, do I?
Things never go the way I want to, so I shouldn’t plan anything. All ideas going up the spout. Is it a failure if you only thought about it, or should you do things first and then fail? I have done both. Failed at a thought and failed in things I’ve done. I passed educations and all that, but nothing to brag about. I have had expectations, but they went up the spout. In a way, I’m disappointed with how things have turned out in my life. But certain things just happen, and you only have to accept them. Everyone isn’t made to be anything special. What is success anyway? I don’t know what it means. Staying alive is a success. Getting through difficult times is a success. Keeping on blogging no matter what is a success. You don’t need to have success in the working life to feel it. The world is too work orientated. A job is not everything. It’s nice to have, but it shouldn’t define success. The best success I’ve had is getting a drivers license. It might not make headlines, but it’s great news for me. Especially when I failed to complete it years ago. The second time around is the best.
Other people can live their life the way they want as long as they don’t interfere in mine. I’m not made for living a life most people do. I’m a lone wolf. I’m the happiest when I can be myself. I don’t need people in my life. There is too much drama, and I’ve had enough of those. They say having friends is good for you, but not for me. It’s the other way for me. It was different when I was a child. Maybe they were important then, but I’ve managed without any so far. I’m tired of trying to please other people. The world is full of fake people who think they need to be something they’re not. The people I know personally are only acquaintances, so I wouldn’t call them friends. I don’t spend any time with them. They have their own life and friends. I haven’t seen my old schoolmates for decades, and I don’t want to either. They weren’t my friends. Only classmates I spent some time with. I have nothing in common with them anymore anyway. Why dwell in the past? Doing things alone is much better because then you can do what pleases you. There is always someone too lazy to do the same things I want to do. Travelling is probably the only thing I don’t want to do alone. Especially if it’s abroad.
I thought about entrepreneurship because I couldn’t find a job. I went to a course about it, but that was 3 years ago. Another idea went out the spout. Now I’m not that excited about it anymore. I just don’t have what it takes. I thought I could beat the odds, but then I started to think I can’t even get started, so how could I keep it up. Too many distractions. I signed up for light entrepreneurship service, but that was ages ago. I was excited at first. I could try entrepreneurship without the paperwork and things. But like always, I changed my thoughts about that too. Story of my life. I never get things done. I’ve tried to find work from somewhere else, but I can’t find anything. They say there is a lot of work out there. Yes, but in the wrong occupations. I can’t become something else overnight. The jobs are most of the time in some other city than your own. I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I’m fed up with all the job searches, so I rather want to do something fun and stress-free things. At least for now. So far, any ideas I’ve got has gone up the spout, and I have no energy to think about what to do next.