Agitate me and you will feel it in your bones

fire
Made in Canva

I might be a calm person who never raises their voices but some things just agitate me and I have to let it out. If you don’t want to see me upset, don’t irritate me because then you will feel it in your bones. But only if you really know me. I don’t go around strangers and scream at them. I’m too shy for that. I can keep the irritation inside me. But at home, I can let it out. Keeping your feelings inside is never good. That’s something my dad don’t understand. When I was younger I had these rage fits. It wasn’t because I had some mental problems. I just couldn’t stand certain things. One that really agitated me was that I wasn’t allowed to show my feelings. I still don’t. My dad always seems so calm and things don’t bother him. But I can’t live like that. He always thinks I shouldn’t bother what others do. I don’t but why can’t I have an opinion about it. Maybe my dad accepts what happens in this world but I don’t. If you accept everything then you’re part of the problem.

There’s is so many agitating things and people in this world. It seems people care more about themselves than others. One of these people is neighbours. They talk too loud and have parties too loud. The most important things for them is themselves. They don’t care some people need to get up early. Especially if it’s a weekday. You can have your parties as long as you don’t disturb others. It doesn’t need to be a party. It can be moving things in your flat or banging a nail to the wall at night. What kind of idiot do that during the night anyway? But idiots are anywhere and it will never change. People’s attitude towards others has become worse. It’s a me-me world. The worse part is that even young kids behave like they’ve never had parents. It seems they don’t teach manners in school either. They litter and don’t care who gets hurt. Kids are worried about climate change and yet they don’t do anything about it. Practice what you preach. Adults should be a good example for kids and not the other way around. Now it seems some parents give in to their kids too easily. No wonder there is an idiot raised every minute. Kids are just innocent by-standards and they don’t even know it. Fortunately, there are decent parents too. At least there is some hope.

Being agitated doesn’t always been anger. Writing this blog can be agitating sometimes. Since I write in English some words to describe something is hard to find online. I know them in my own language. Sometimes not even that. I use Google but as you probably know, it’s mostly wrong. I usually get agitated so I skip the whole sentence and write it in some other way. Or don’t bother at all. Writing anything if it’s a blog post or fiction is not easy. Especially when you should tell about yourself in a cover letter and even an About me-page. It’s like pulling teeth. It can’t just be, “well, I am me and there you have it” and get on with it. It’s so much more and honestly, I don’t want to bother with it. It makes me agitated and I rather concentrate on something less stressful.

Coming up with an ingenuity

light bulb on dark blackground
Made in Canva

Coming up with an ingenuity that no one has yet discovered is not an easy task. But if it was easy everyone would be a genius. Maybe someone would have found a cure to all the wrong things that happen in life. Sometimes things are what they are and you can really do anything about it. You just have to accept it and move on. There have been times when I thought I made the best ingenuity ever but they turned to shit. One of them was when I planned what my blog would be about. Not only on WordPress but also on Tumblr. The later is a bit of a disappointment. Their whole concept is boring these days anyway. And it’s not because they turned off all the explicit stuff. It’s actually a good thing. It means no more pornographic followers. Those annoyed me the most since my Tumblr’s was nothing about that. There are no decent posts to reblog either so I don’t use it as often as I used to. Besides, Tumblr had some weird stuff and I wouldn’t recommend it to any sane person. Well, I used it so what does that say about me. It does have decent things there too so it’s not all bad.

I’ve had so many bad ideas about occupations and educations so I doubt I get anything right. I’m still disappointed about some of the feedback I got from a school assignment at Helsinki Design School and the portfolio presentation. So I’m gonna complain about that again. I thought I could do graphic design but the education made me think maybe I don’t have what it takes. It made me feel like a loser who thinks too highly of themselves. I don’t exactly get hundreds of views or likes on work I’ve posted online. It feels like talking to a wall. I don’t have the ingenuity that you probably need if you want to work with design. Practice makes you better but my motivation is low so I don’t feel like it. I have this demon on my shoulder saying, then give up, but then the angel says, no don’t. The reason why I went to this education was to add a service to my possible web design business but it hasn’t gone as I thought. Not having enough confident of my skills it’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to hire me for their project. In design, it’s important to know people and I don’t know anyone.

I applied to employment training in digital marketing and e-commerce just to have a plan and because I’m interested in it. It’s a long way to that and I don’t even know if I get in the course. For now, that is some kind of ingenuity for the near future. Having many backup plans is never a bad thing. If it’s good or not will remain to be seen.