Finding your own sound is not easy

sheet music as birds
Made in Canva

Finding your style. Finding your niche. Finding your voice. There are different ways to say it. You can also say, finding your sound and it doesn’t need to mean music or any other sound thing. Finding something I want to do that I wouldn’t get bored of has been the hardest thing. That’s one of the reasons why I’ve studied more than work. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the wrong sound.

In blogging, finding the right niche hasn’t been the easiest. I know I wanted to be different and write about a lot of things but a lot of people don’t want to read about everything. I wouldn’t either because there are only 24 hours a day and I need to sleep. Recently my posts haven’t got that many likes which make me wonder are my blog posts uninteresting. I mean, I do have 671 followers and only a small part likes the posts. Maybe I’m just nitpicking. My kind of blog wouldn’t get 50+ and I’m not expecting that either. I’m really glad I get likes for my older posts from time to time. Finding your sound in blogging doesn’t come easy. You have to experiment and then find the sound later. That’s just a hint for new bloggers out there. Unless you’ve already found yours.

When I studied graphic design in Helsinki Design School, our illustrator teacher said something like. It’s not about being a person who thinks they can’t draw, it’s about what style you have. I don’t remember if it was exactly like that though. So my style must be drawing awful and ugly things. Yeah, that will sell. Just being sarcastic there. Drawing just isn’t my thing and why should I try to get better at it. There are a lot of other real artists out there. I don’t know what my sound in graphic design I have. There seem to be so many others doing the same thing so how can I compete with those. Maybe when boring and nothing special gets popular. The education was supposed to motivate me but it was the other way around. The teachers were just too nice to tell me I didn’t have what it takes. Maybe it’s my imagination. All I feel is a failure when it comes to design in general. But don’t take it as a white flag for surrender. What do teachers know anyway? Pro or not. They just teach you the basics and the rest you have to find out yourself.

I’ve found the sound I want to dance to and that’s something creative. I never wanted to do anything “normal” I could do something like that for a while but I wouldn’t want to do it all the time. I don’t want to do just one creative thing but several things. Finding your own sound doesn’t happen overnight. It takes some time to find it but I’m sure I will.

It’s sabotage to get told what to do

doorways
Made in Canva

Do this and you get that. If you don’t do what you are told you will get into trouble or don’t get anything. It’s sabotage to get told what to do with your own life. Not just your life but other things you do. Or don’t do. I don’t really have a point in this post. All I know is what sabotage is when you want to be yourself but is not allowed to. People should have the right to be whatever sexuality they are without having to announce it to the world. But some people have the urge to know everything about everyone. I don’t get this “getting out of the closet” when someone announces they are gay or any other sexuality. Straight people never have to announce they’re straight. What’s up with that? Isn’t it because it’s “normal”? And why are gay people living in a closet? I guess there is so much prejudice so people are embarrassed to be different when it shouldn’t be. Some people have attitude problems towards certain people. I don’t know how people like that can live with themselves. I welcome everyone no matter who they are. As long as they’re nice people. Negative and disrespectful people don’t have a place in my life.

Some things feel like sabotage. Like job search. I did get again a message “Thanks for replying but you’re not chosen” for that packaging thing I mentioned in this post. When then, I wonder. They probably chose someone in their 20s. Well, I didn’t want it that bad anyway. That thought makes me feel less worthless. Not that I feel worthless. Some people are embarrassed they’re unemployed so they don’t tell many people. I’m not that fussy. If people think I’m lazy, let them. I’m in my 40s and I should find a job much easier than someone in their 50s. Easier, not easy. But I guess my resume isn’t “sexy” enough. They said you should apply for jobs outside your own field. I did but I didn’t get anywhere. So there goes that theory. At least I can tell the jobcentre I did apply for a job. I don’t know if I should tell them about the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School though. It’s been a while since that ended so maybe not. Why does job searching make me feel so old? I have a lot of energy left but there are too many gaps in my resume. Educations are worth nothing.

Sometimes it feels like sabotage in social media. It’s like someone have said, “don’t like or post anything to that person” Which is just paranoia. I’m no one famous and not many know me on social media. I don’t know why I don’t get that many likes and such. Even on this blog, I don’t get as many likes I used to. Are my blog posts uninterested? Have I told everything and my posts are repeating themselves? Questions like that entered my mind. It really depends on what I write about. On Twitter, I get likes when TV programs are on. Or if it’s tweeting about Formula One. But if I share a blog post or tweet about something else, then I don’t get any. I will never get thousands of likes anywhere but I’m not expecting that either. Some people do anything to get likes to their posts and then they get on the news. ‘This person got 500 00 likes in an hour’ And then the photo they’ve posted isn’t even anything special. People just like weird things. If I posted something like that, it probably wouldn’t even get noticed. Then again I’m just assuming. My motives for social media is different from others. I don’t seek big audiences. It’s the quality that matters.

You can also sabotage your own future by doing crimes. Or even post drunk photos on social media. I don’t know why people do that in the first place. Who wants to see that kind of photos anyway. Know one wants to hire a boozer or even be friends with one. Drunk people are boring as well. Some people think if you don’t smoke and drink you don’t know how to have fun. Well, you can sabotage your own health and your future as much as you want. But I don’t want to live my life that. It’s just isn’t my kind of fun and it has never been. I find parties boring and a waste of energy. I rather stay home alone and do something by myself. If that sounds boring then so be it. Sabotage my solitude then you can think again. Just saying.