The impetus in a labyrinth of life

green labyrinth
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Using two different Ragtag Daily Prompt words today. When there are two words that you can have in the subject, you can have them in one post. Life is a labyrinth, but it’s easier to bear with some impetus. I haven’t had much time to blog because of the career coaching. I’ve also been tired to write anything. Actually, I haven’t blogged as much as I did in January. The months go so fast. I have had so many other things on my mind. I have updated my CV and written an open application. I have sent them to two businesses. On Monday I send to another. You never know if you ever get any replies. But at least I’ve done something. Job search is a labyrinth. You may get out of it, or you may not. You just need another plan. I’ve had so many goals in my adult life I don’t know which one this is. Even if I got encouragement on the career coaching course, I still feel there is no impetus inside me. I’m not confident enough I’ll get anything. I might have an OK looking CV and cover letter, but I will probably screw up the job interview if I get one. I’m not gonna think that far. I will see what happens gradually.

Life is about getting through difficult times. During Covid, it has shown who is good at a crisis and who is not. It shows how people behave. Some are probably too dependent on other people, so they can’t take it when they can’t be with their friends. You get mentally stronger when you get through bad times. Life isn’t always fun. People should learn that. Everyone needs alone time no matter what kind of people they are. Get through the labyrinth and find the impetus within you.

Futile things 

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I dislike it when I do a lot of hard work, but in the end, they are futile anyway. It’s a waste of energy, so I prefer doing things with a meaning. Sometimes, when I write a blog post that doesn’t get much attention, I feel I should have done something else instead of writing. I had this feeling when I started to blog quite a lot. Today I still feel like that, but I accept all posts won’t interest people. I write to myself anyway. I would write even if I felt it was futile. If you don’t write, you won’t get better at it. My job is done if I can get at least one person to like what I write. It’s not a competition about how many likes a post receives. This is my 9th year of having this blog which is an excellent achievement for a person who gives up too quickly. I’ve learned to be more persistent. If I only would be one when it comes to other things in life.

I could have done so much more if I hadn’t given up, but you can’t turn back. You just need to look forward and learn from the past. It’s never too late to become better as a person or in whatever you do professionally. Things can feel futile but finding at least one positive thing makes you feel it wasn’t all that bad. I’ve studied photography because I thought I wanted to become a photographer. But that’s wasn’t meant to be. I’ve studied web design because I wanted to become a web designer, but that wasn’t meant to be either. Then came graphic design. All that studying haven’t got me very far. I still feel like I’m a rookie, but it doesn’t feel they’ve been futile. I can do all of those things and more. If I get bored with one thing, I can do something else. I always wanted to do different things. I can combine the things I’ve studied with each other. E.g. photography and graphic design. If I had learned about subjects I wasn’t interested in, things would have felt even more futile. My first education after compulsory school was health care, but I’ve learned how to make a bed, so the bed cheat stays in place. I also learned about psychology at the school, so it’s wasn’t entirely wasted. Maybe I have been persistent in other things in life too. It takes a lot to find what you want to do with your life. It takes longer for some, but it’s not about getting there before anyone else. It’s about the journey. Life is not a sprint. It’s a marathon. I’m only half of the way.

Bloganuary: What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger

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Day 25. As Kelly Clarkson sings, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am much stronger than I was when I was a teenager. Life experiences make you stronger. If I hadn’t gone through the difficulties I have, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. No one’s life is perfect. You learn from your mistakes, and you grow as a person. What makes me feel strong is knowing that I have survived so far. I wouldn’t want to be the person I was. The people I’ve met in the past and the people close to me that have left this earth has made me the person I am today. People who hurt me didn’t leave me bitter. I should thank them for ignoring me and making me feel worthless. It wasn’t my fault. I was only the person I was, and I didn’t pretend like they did. I learned not to care what other people thought about me. They didn’t have any effect on the choices I have made. They couldn’t spoil my life if they thought that. They were only cowards who had low self-esteem. I learned from the experience that no one could treat me the way they did again.

Listening to music has always been a good escape from bad things. I usually don’t listen to the lyrics that carefully, but sometimes I find songs that make me feel stronger. It’s not only music that makes me feel like that, but also entertainment in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s TV or movies. I couldn’t live without them. It makes the time goes faster too.

I feel strong too when I write. In English, mostly. If it’s blogging or writing fiction, it makes me feel better. I’ve got better at it. That’s the only thing I feel confident in. It depends what I write, though. If it’s for a job search, then not so much. I’m more into making up stories and sharing my thoughts about something. Doing things you love makes you feel strong. Other times it wouldn’t be as fun.