Bloganuary: Living boldly in my head

up in the ski jumping tower
Ski jumping tower in Lahti, Finland by ©️Mia Salminen

Day 11. I’m not boldly at all. A lot of things scare me. I’m always being careful. Once, I fractured my left hand when I slipped on ice; after that, I promised myself I never wanted to get hurt that way. All of my hobbies have been safe. I’ve slalom skied, but even then, I wasn’t boldly. It’s better to be safe than sorry. You live longer too. Not that I want to live until I’m 100. People think you need to be bold to feel you’re alive. Everyone doesn’t want to live in danger. I don’t believe in this; live each day like it was your last. There are many things I haven’t done, but I don’t feel I’ve missed anything. How can you miss something you never had? I don’t regret things. What is done is done. There have been experiences I wish I didn’t have, but I have learned from them. For me, living boldly means doing it in my head. Everythings in there goes the way I want.

In certain things, I wish I was bold. I’ve thought since 2018 about becoming an entrepreneur in design. I even went to a course about it. I still haven’t started. It’s fear of losing free time and money problems. What if things don’t go anywhere, and then I have no security. Some say it takes years to become successful. I’ve had doubts about my ability to have a business. I skipped the idea and thought about looking for a job instead. But nothing has come up, so I’m starting to think about the entrepreneur thing again. The thought about working at home and not having to go anywhere sounds good in my head. The reality is different. There is a lot you need to do to get your business out there. You need to stand out. I don’t have anything new to show. I don’t think I’m that good. There are many more experienced people out there. I don’t know what kind of services I would have. You need to be bold and know how to promote the things you create.

My boldness comes from small things. Driving a car or a bike in traffic. Daring to learn new things. Going to concerts which I didn’t do when I was younger. You don’t need to be a daredevil to feel alive. Being boldly in small doses is just as good.

Let’s not jinx it

jinx
Made in Canva

Have you heard the saying, if you talk about it, you might jinx it? If there isn’t, then there should be. The sports commentators usually talk about how things might go, and the next, it does happen. For example, in alpine skiing, the commentator says, I hope they don’t drive off, but then the skier does. The same goes for having plans. You shouldn’t tell about them to anyone before you make sure it will become something. But sometimes that doesn’t work either.

I believe I have jinxed a lot of things without knowing it. Or maybe I’m just jinxed. I never get lucky in anything. I shouldn’t expect too much from others. Just because you have things to say, it doesn’t mean everyone else has. Like in writing fiction. When I post my stories online, I don’t get many comments. Even if I have written the story, I would have reactions to them. Sometimes one person might react to them, but not so many others. If the story has a drama part, I don’t get any comments. If I was the reader, I would have things to say. It’s not the end of the world if no one comments, though. I usually write the stories for myself anyway. But sometimes it would be nice if some did give some feedback. Mostly I get likes, but I wish people would comment more on them. Compared to what other stories get, the other writers get much more reactions to their stories than mine. It feels my stories are not good enough to comment on. Therefore I am jinxed. Sometimes it feels I shouldn’t post any stories online. Why am I wasting my brain on writing fiction if I don’t get any likes or comments anyway? But then why shouldn’t I? I love writing fiction, so why should I stop. It doesn’t matter if someone else gets more. I write stories I want to read. That’s the reason why I do it. It’s great if someone likes them too.

I think I’m jinxed on social media too. Not in most places, but on Instagram, mostly. I won’t take it personally if I don’t get likes to my posts. I think the more you have followers, the more you get likes. I only have 23 followers. I don’t know how many of those are real. I use many hashtags and all that, but still, I get only a few likes. I don’t know how it works. I have this love/hate relationship with Instagram. I’ve had it since 2016, and now I have a newer and better phone too. I guess I can be happy I get at least some likes. I also have a business Instagram, but I don’t have much to put in there. I don’t know if I want to post much in there because I’m a bit paranoid it will go the same as it has with the other account. I don’t know how you can promote your business on Instagram anyway. You can’t even click on links in the posts. You need to go to the profile to see links. Facebook would be much easier for that. It feels like anything I put online; it all disappears into nowhere. Someone must see it because why would I get any likes anyway. At least I get likes from my cousin. I’ve used social media mostly for fun, so I haven’t stopped posting there. Too many people only use it to get likes and followers. I think I wrote in a blog post about Instagram being a popularity contest. I can’t find it now. Anyway, that’s what it is. Getting likes does make a person feel loved, but that feeling doesn’t take long.

Jinxed or not, at least I get to photograph a duck.

I better put the kettle on and repost this since this post didn’t get a single like. I guess I have to like my own posts then. Maybe I jinxed it. Perhaps I should make this blog private. It’s like talking to a wall sometimes. Like on social media, in general. Maybe I should take off the like button altogether. I’m so disappointed right now. So bye bye.

First post of the year 2021

Photo by Olya Kobruseva on Pexels.com

Since I started this blog in 2014, I have posted on January 1 and this year is no exception. It’s time for a fresh start in 2021. Or where we left off. There is nothing much to look forward to for me. Except for the Elton John concert in September. Let’s hope so anyway. It was postponed last year because of the covid thing. Which is still going on, by the way. Some people seem to have forgotten. So wash your hands, stay away from crowds, wear a mask and so on. You should know the drill by now.

I never make new years resolutions. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I usually start doing things in March. In January and February, I only think about what to do but I never seem to get things started. I don’t know about the driver’s license thing. There are times when I think I might need it but then again not. I’m most concerned about passing the tests. I don’t I get passed the first time. The money might go to that the most. That’s what happened over 20 years ago. I also live in a city where places are close by so I don’t really need a licence. If I want to go somewhere I can ask dad for a lift. I don’t go to places where I need a car in the first place. I don’t know if it’s worth paying for. I have gone without a license for this long. I was more thinking about my dad getting older and he doesn’t want to drive long trips. I don’t want to own a car but you can still have a license. I really have to think about it.

I didn’t think about writing about this but there is no harm in saying it. I have written about becoming an entrepreneur many times on this blog. I wouldn’t want to do it full time yet but there is something called light entrepreneurship. I already registered up for one last year. I also have a business Instagram and a Facebook page in the making. But the problem is what kind of services I want to provide. So far I thought about graphic design and photography. I thought about web design too but it’s not what I’ve studied. Sure, I did but the real world web design is too technical for me. I don’t have enough of the material of my work. At least nothing good enough to get clients. There are people who have done it for years and I have only school material to show. It’s just so much work you have to do to become an entrepreneur. The marketing and all that. I don’t know if I want to bother. But then I have to do all the job search things and that’s not easy either. There are monsters in both ways. I wish I didn’t need to do anything. But I don’t want to be one of those who are afraid to work.

We’ll see what 2021 will bring. It’s still early days. So happy new year and that was my first post of the year.