Tag: calling

Don’t rush me

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three rocks
Photo: Openverse

What I hate the most is to rush things. I want to do things at my own pace. Things go better when I get the time to do them. If I need to rush things, I only get agitated. If I get an assignment, I will do it, but if you rush me, it won’t get finished faster. Life is not a competition where you must finish things before everyone else. I’ve never understood why you need to rush things. For example, if school or work starts at 9 a.m., what’s the big deal if you get late for a few minutes? Will you miss something? You can’t always be on time. As long as you don’t make a habit of being late. If I know I will be late, I won’t hurry because someone is waiting for me. I don’t like running to places. I like being on time, so I try to have enough time so I don’t need to rush. Especially if it comes to public transport. You need to be on time because it won’t wait. The last time I had to rush was when I had to catch a train while studying filmmaking this year. I almost overslept, and I had to hurry up. It was awful, but I did get to the train on time. I was totally knackered, and it reminded me how much I hate to rush.

The first time you need to rush is knowing what you want to be when you grow up. It begins when you turn 16 or 17. Should you attend high school (it’s voluntary in Finland) or not. That was an easy choice for me. By then, I was tired of school and didn’t like reading. I knew what I didn’t want to be. The most challenging part was what I wanted to do. When some people try to find their “calling” through work, I did it with studying. Maybe it was the wrong way to go because I lack work experience today, and now I must pay the price. But I did it my way, and other people did theirs. People tried to rush me to make decisions, but I always had my thoughts and needs. You can’t go back to the past to change things. You can only look forward. I can’t become something I’m not. I like learning new things, but I do without being rushed. Sometimes, it feels like time running out, and soon, I’m too old to become anything. That feeling goes away, though. If one dream won’t come true, then you have another one. But one thing is sure: I won’t rush to do anything.

Bucket without a list

Mia2 Comments
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

What makes you nervous?

Daily Prompt

A lot of people have bucket lists. Things to do before 30, 40 or 50. But I have a bucket without a list. I don’t like to plan ahead. It doesn’t matter if I don’t achieve something at some age. Certain things you can’t plan. You don’t need to do them until a certain age. I didn’t think I would ever go to a concert when I was a teenager, but now I have been to several. Two more this summer. I didn’t think I would get a driver’s license, either. Life is full of surprises. If you haven’t achieved something at 30, you can do it before 40 etc. So, what if you don’t achieve them at all. Bucket lists aren’t rules you must follow or something will happen to you if you don’t.

One thing that could be on a bucket list, but it won’t, is talking on the phone with strangers. It makes me nervous. I can never call an employer. If someone says I should call one, I get terrified. I had to call once and was so nervous; it took hours to pick up the courage. I hate that feeling and do anything I don’t need to call anyone. Writing an email is easier because the risk of screwing up is minimal. You should not force an introvert to make a phone call. It’s easier to talk to someone you know. It’s calling a stranger where the problem lies. I have blocked unknown numbers on my phone because I don’t want to talk to strangers.

I don’t think I ever get over the dislike for needles. Blood tests make me nervous. That’s one of the reasons why I can’t donate blood. I can’t get a tattoo, either. I wouldn’t want one anyway. Injections are OK because it’s over in moments. Unless you need to get them a lot, as I did once. In 1994 had endoscopic surgery for my knee. I had to wait a few days for it, so they gave me injections in my stomach. I don’t remember why. It was something about not getting blood clots because I had to stay in bed. The injections made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want them at all. Needles cause me anxiety. Even if I use a needle to mend something, I’m always worried I’ll stick myself. Anything sharp makes me nervous.

Face your fear, but I don’t want to face a fear that makes me nervous. I prefer not to do things that make me feel like that. I never want to make speeches or presentations. I don’t like people looking at me. I want to get out of that situation as fast as possible when I’m nervous. I rush things, and it’s ruined. If it’s a presentation where I stand alone, I only get nervous when it’s my turn and not before. Things look easy in my head, but the reality isn’t. Avoiding unpleasant things is easier, and I don’t want to put them on a bucket list.