Not that fearless any longer

old typewriter
Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

I used to fear things but became more fearless as I got older. I guess it was because my mother died and I had to be. I didn’t like to talk to strangers, so I didn’t speak to them. It wasn’t because of fear; I felt awkward and wanted to leave. Still, there are days when I don’t feel like talking to anyone, but it isn’t about fear. It’s about being an introvert. Or maybe I don’t have the courage on that day. I think before I speak. Some days, I’m fearless and have no trouble talking to a stranger. The only thing I still fear is talking on the phone. No way I want to do that. I prefer Emails. I don’t answer unknown numbers. Unless it’s essential.

I’m also fearless when I drive a car. I’ve had my driver’s license for almost 3 years and didn’t know if I dared to drive alone. My dad was always with me, but now, when I had to drive alone for a month, I realised it wasn’t that bad. I guess I’ve learned to drive the car. That’s what experience gives you. I still don’t like driving in traffic or on the highway, though. I fear I get in the way or I crash into someone. I drive my dad’s car, which is an older car, so I had to learn how to drive that; it’s only now that I have enough confidence to drive it. The car was a new model in driving school, so driving was different. Both vehicles have a stick shift, but there were 6 gears in driving school when my dad’s car had 5. Driving is fun when you’re fearless.

I can be fearless when it comes to trying new things. Like food, but I want to know what it contains. I’ve cooked new things, and some of them have been good. I have even cooked it again. My mother and I used to try different recipes. She’s the reason why I know how to cook. When you cook yourself, you know what you get. The two ingredients I dislike the most are mushrooms and broccoli. I’m not so fond of cheese either, but in certain foods, it’s alright. I can’t stand it when they put mushrooms in many things. If there are, I take them out. I’m not that fearless that I eat anything.

Being fearless doesn’t mean parachute jumping or rock climbing. It can also be mentally fearless or being fearless in everyday situations. It can be a temporary feeling that might come back, or it may not. We’re all different and see the word differently. That’s something we have to appreciate in other people. You shouldn’t understate opinions about what the words mean to them. You can agree to disagree, but it’s pointless to argue about it. No one should be that fearless to hurt feelings.

Bugbear of today

elephant toy at a window
Nori watching the rain. Photo: Mine

Bugbear is both a cute and funny word. It’s a bear that is bugging something. In this case, it’s an elephant that my dad won at a funfair. There are two things that bug me, and those are as follows.

Job search

I had to go to an event where different companies were introducing themselves. I think these events are unnecessary because they don’t have the line of work you’re looking for. Some unemployed don’t need to go, which is a bit unfair. But I went, and I didn’t get into trouble.

And another bugbear is.

Strikes

I’m going to Tampere to see Robbie Williams in concert on Sunday. Then next week to Helsinki. But now there are strike threats for buses and trains. It’s selfish to have strikes because many people will suffer from them. Everybody doesn’t have a car. Even if they do, the parking isn’t cheap. The bus strike can start tomorrow and end on Friday next week. I have both train and bus tickets. If the strikes will come, the only solution is to drive there. I have never driven alone and long distances. I hope those strikes won’t come. It’s so much easier to travel by public transport. Especially when you need to travel early in the morning. I hope at least one of the transports won’t go on strike. If both go, there will be trouble. Let’s hope and pray it will be solved soon.

Bloganuary: Repost: Achievement doesn’t come easy

Originally published 2022/06/15 

Puzzle bits on a brown table
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Life is a challenge. To achieve something, you need to go through a long process. You can’t wait for things to happen. Achievement doesn’t come easy. It doesn’t need to be anything significant. Some people think that if you haven’t achieved anything big, you haven’t had any real success. But that doesn’t define it. If you’ve struggled through and overcome a problem, that’s an achievement. You don’t need to be wealthy, famous or popular among other people to feel you’ve succeeded in something.

My achievements might not mean anything to others, but for me, they’re everything. They are all my personal achievements. There have been times I wanted to quit, but I kept going anyway. I studied things I wanted, but there was always a doubt that it might not be the right one. I never wanted long-time studies. Two years are the longest. I couldn’t do something that took 4 years or more. Especially when I get older. It’s a shame that despite my efforts in all that studying, I have never got a job. Only one, but that was two years ago, and I was still technically unemployed. Maybe I’m just not that good after all. I don’t have any achievements when it comes to jobs. It feels like I’m being left out. If it’s a job search or posting things on social media. I just want to give them both up because it’s all in vain. Even blogging feels like a waste of time. It’s not easy to stay motivated when everybody else seems to succeed in what they do. Maybe people have forgotten that when someone posts online are supposed to be active. Like posts, maybe comment. Perhaps I’m too dull, and the things I post are uninteresting to others. It might sound pathetic, but I like my own posts on social media because then, at least, it doesn’t feel unnecessary.

It’s not easy trying to achieve something. Maybe it’s easier for some. For me, getting a driver’s license is a big deal. In a month, it’s been a year. I thought I would never get through the driving lessons and the theory. I failed it 26 years ago, but now it is easier. I wish people would have been more excited for me, but I guess it’s no big deal. I was glad to have achieved it. It’s gonna take a lot of practice to get better at it. I have only driven my dad’s car alone once, but that was only a short drive, and there wasn’t much traffic. Driving on the motorway is too scary, and I don’t like driving in traffic. It takes more than a year to learn the process of driving a car. As long as I don’t drive into something or someone, then it’s okay.

I enjoy the small achievements I get. Getting this post finished is one of them. I don’t know what else to do to get some attention to it, but I still write for myself, and that should be enough for me.