When you have an awful day

bad_day
©Mia Salminen

You wake up in the morning and feel this could be a good day. But as the day passes, you feel everything is going down the drain. You lose hope and feel useless. Today it’s one of those days to me.

Yesterday I finally picked up the courage to call the digital advertising company again about a work practise place. I had an appointment today. I didn’t meet the person I were suppose to but I talked to someone else though. To make the story short, it’s a no can do. They’re too busy with some project so they have no time to show me anything. The person I talked to would ask the others if they could but I shouldn’t be too hopeful. Not exactly those words but still. So there goes the first one and there’s no hope for anything else either it seems. At least someone gave me a candy (for Women’s day) and then I saw a famous Finnish actor who sometimes appear in their videos.

The practise is suppose to begin next week but I have nothing. This really sucks. It was also no can do in the photography thing. Then I went to a another advertising company to ask. The same thing.
They say you shouldn’t give up but this is draining. I won’t find anything. I hate repeating everything. This is not for a paid job, it’s only practise for crying out loud. You don’t need to hold my hand. I’m not helpless. I can learn by watching. But it’s not really my fault. If they don’t have time or they already have someone than it’s their loss. At least that’s what I have to think to feel better.

If that wasn’t enough. We had a practise job interview in the career coaching course. I came to realise I’ll fail in real ones. I did get good tips about how to improve but I’m no talker. I don’t give long answers. I’m not a quick thinker either. Especially when it comes to past job experiences. I don’t remember exactly so of course there’s gonna be long pauses. My weakness is I can think inside my head but when I’m suppose to say it out loud, the words disappear. If the job interviewer wants a talkative person, they better find someone else. That’s not me. I prefer action to talk.

Days like these shouldn’t exist. Things should go the way you want. If they did, I wouldn’t feel so disappointed. Tomorrow is a better day. I hope.

 

A blessing and a curse

toot
Source: http://www.tellwut.com

Describing yourself is the hardest thing. Especially when it comes to job searching. The career coaching I’m attending at the moment, we’re talking about CV’s and how to make one. I for one don’t really know what my strengths are. I can do a lot of things but I don’t know how to put them into words. We Finns are not used to toot our own horn. We don’t want to brag about ourselves and our skills. We think we sound too self-absorbed if we do. It’s also because of jealousy of other people. Succesful people are usually seen as arrogant because they’re confident and proud of their work. That’s something some Finns can’t stand.

It’s a blessing and a curse to be as versatile as I am. I’m sure some of you out there who are multitaskers know what I mean. I’m not best at anything but good in lot of things. That’s a blessing.
The curse is, I don’t know what I want to do more. That’s what makes job searching so difficult for me. I don’t know what I really want. There’s a lot but I can’t describe it what it is. So when I showed my CV to the coach and she said I should write what kind of photographer I am (that’s the main thing for me) and what are my 5 most important skills in that area. That’s makes me go hmm, I don’t know. I don’t even know what those are. I can’t rate myself like that. No one has really told me. It’s much easier to know what you do on your free time and what you like then. But you can’t make a living of it.

What I do know is that I’m good at listening. That’s a rare gift. People can talk about anything and they think I don’t hear. But I actually do. I observe. I can concentrate on my own things but I still hear what people talk about. I don’t eavesdrop on every word but I still hear. When my mother told me to do something (chores and such) and I was doing something else, she thought I couldn’t hear her but I did. It could get a little annoying to be disturbed if I were in a middle of a story I were writing. Just because I do my own, doesn’t mean I become hard of hearing.

It’s so much easier to know what you can’t do. You try to be positive but the negative thoughts come creeping in anyway. I could give a long list about things I can’t do the top of my head. You just have to find something positive out of the negative and you’ll be out of the water. And when you do, you should not be afraid to toot your own horn because you deserve it.