Repost: If I could turn back time


Some things you can’t control. Like a death in the family. No one should go through that. Especially if you’re still a child. A childhood should be happy without sorrow. Mine was happy until that day when my sister died. I was only 6 years old and death is something you don’t think about. I don’t remember much about it. In a way it was good I was so young. I didn’t have to go through the same thing as my parents. All those hospital visits and coping with the illness. I don’t really know what she had but it was something to do with her immune system. It was rare at the time. Her death did affect my life in many ways.

I’ve thought a lot of times how my life would have been if she wouldn’t have gotten sick. We were quite close. I don’t think our relationship would have changed much. She would have been my rock. If I had problems I could talk to her. She would be a great comfort. Especially now when mother have passed away. If I had lived my life with my sister in it, I would probably be more outgoing and have more confidence.

If I could turn back time and live my childhood all over again, I would wish my sister would be healthy and see adulthood. The holidays would be much better if she would still be around.
I don’t know how it is to have siblings nor being the only child. I’ve experienced both. When I hear or read how people complain about having a sibling, I just think “at least they have someone” They can be a pain but that’s a small prize to pay. Living alone without one is not that much fun either.

Losing a sister at a young age has helped me understand other people who have lost a loved one. I don’t see death as a scary thing. I don’t even cry at the movies because it’s all fake anyway. For some death is something they don’t want to think about. They don’t know how to take other people’s sorrow. Only people who have gone through the same thing can understand.

It’s not only what you go through in your childhood that molds you. It’s what you experience through life. If I hadn’t gone through what I have been through I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am what I am and nobody can tell me to be something I’m not. That’s something everybody should remember.

Originally published on December 1, 2014

Bloganuary: Step back in time

Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko on

Day 21. If I could step back in time, I would return to my childhood at the beginning of the 1980s. My family was complete then. Both of my grandmothers were alive, and my sister. I would relive those times when I was a small child. You have no problems, and you live a carefree life. I don’t remember much about that time. There are bits, but it would be nice to see how it was then. I miss Christmases the most. We always spend it within the family, and when my sister died in 1983, things weren’t the same again. Our family got smaller and smaller. It’s only me and dad left now. We have different videos of the times we spent together, so I can go down memory lane when I want to remember how it was. And photos, of course.

I would also like to see how my life would have been if things had turned some other way. How my sister would be like as an adult. Maybe the death of our mother would have been a bit easier. Or what if mother hadn’t died so soon. Thinking about these things are needless because life is what it is. Everybody dies one day. It would be nice to go back in time, but what happened then is in the past. You should live in the present because that’s something you can control. But playful thinking has never done anyone any harm.

Bloganuary: My only joy is a cuddly toy

sand boy with buckets and spade
Photo: ©️Mia Salminen

Day 4. When I was a child, I had many favourite toys. I’m a tomboy, so I liked cars. I got a lorry for Christmas, and I used to drag it around from a string. I think I was about 3 years old. I still have it. Once I got a remote-controlled wire car, but you had to walk while using it. I was a little disappointed because I wanted one that you could control from afar. I did play with dolls too. I had a pram for dolls that I used to go outside with. I also played with legos, play dough, finger colours and watercolours.

My favourite toys were these two.

The name of the girl doll is called Marika. She had a disc behind her back that laughing track on the other side, and when you turned the disc, it cried. She had a dummy of plastic in her mouth, and when you took it out, it played the track. Unfortunately, it stopped working later on. I dressed her up in different clothes. She was like a real baby. Once I took her with me on a road trip to Europe with my parents after my sister had died. We were in our car when the head of the doll fell out. I cried my eyes out. I was devastated. But my dad put it back, and everything was fine again. The other doll in the photo is a monchhichi monkey called Mon Ami. She was my sister’s at first. I took her on trips too. It used to be fluffy and had colours on her cheeks. Now it’s worn down. It is over 35 years, after all. It’s still very important to me.

Childhood toys will never be forgotten. I think everyone remembers what their favourite toys were. The kind of toys children have today is almost the same. They might be looking different, but they will stand the test of time. Toys are not always you only play with, it can also be a good comfort.