Bloganuary: Nothing to be scared of

woman looking scared
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What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Bloganuary 2024

I wouldn’t call it being scared, but becoming an entrepreneur is worrying. I’ve been to a course about it and researched about it. But the course was some years ago. I still haven’t gotten around to it. It’s a big step to take and many things to think about. You can’t claw your way to success. At least I don’t have it in me. What worries me the most is the financial prospect of it. The other is if I have enough skills to run a design business. I don’t have work experience in the field I’ve studied. I don’t even know what kind of services I want to provide. I don’t know if I can ask the right questions and if I fulfil clients’ requests. Even getting clients is a worrying thing. Networking is not my strongest suit, and neither is my portfolio. I only have schoolwork there. I don’t have any family or friends for whom I could do projects to fill it. I’m like a fish out of water compared to others. Many graphic design entrepreneurs have the same services and much more experience than I do. How can I compete with that? And they are younger too. They also show their faces, which I don’t want to do. It won’t help much if someone says I should do it because I’ve tried, but there never seems to be enough time to start.

If I got a part-time job, I could run a business on the side, but it is a different matter if I have the strength to do it after work. If I had a job, I would at least get paid. The trouble with having a job is getting up early in the morning. As an entrepreneur, you can have your own schedule and don’t need to go anywhere. You also don’t need to endure the pain of applying for jobs. If it was easy to find a client, becoming an entrepreneur would also be easier. It’s more challenging when you don’t have a great portfolio. The business owner makes it look so easy, but the truth isn’t as easy as it looks. Maybe I need more confidence in myself. I didn’t think entrepreneurship would be for me, but not finding a job has changed that thought. The other reason why I started to think about it was when I worked with clients during web design education in 2017. I could do the projects at my own pace, which felt good.

I should claw myself out of this insecurity and just do it, or I’ll regret it. I only need to get a grip on myself. I know I don’t want to be without work forever. Life must be something more than just being without anything to do. If no one else won’t give you a purpose, then you should give it to yourself.

Bloganuary: Write about a challenge you faced and overcame

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Day 14. I’ve had a lot of challenges in my life. Most of them are about education. I have studied things I wanted to. The challenge has been how to stay motivated. I always preferred short educations. The longest has been 2 years. Before I applied, I thought it felt long. In fact, it went pretty quickly. Finding friends has never been an easy task for me. That is a challenge in its self. I have a hard time fitting in. Feeling a part of a group and then trying to stay motivated on the education, that is hard. I’ve noticed through the years that being part of something helps to get through a challenge. I overcame the challenge with help from the teachers and the school psychologist I went to. Without that, I probably wouldn’t have passed the education.

I take you back to 2009, when school started. It was a basic examination in graphic design. Photography was also part of it which is the reason I applied. It was in another city, so I lived in a dorm. I didn’t like to live there. There were too many noisy people. I didn’t have any friends to spend the evenings with. My classmates lived at home. I made my own entertainment. I went outside for walks and so on. The problem with my classmates was that most of them were smokers. It’s a bit unfair for those who don’t. Smokers bond, and they get to know each other that way. Smoking is an awful habit, and I would never start to get friends. All I had in common was education. In time, I get to know them. I’m still in contact with one of them on Facebook. They were friendly people, and we did get along fine. I wished they would have been someone who didn’t smoke. Who knows what they talked about on the breaks. The second year was a little better. There were times I thought about quitting because I felt left out. I wasn’t sure I wanted to study the subject after all. But luckily, I did. There were things I wouldn’t have experienced if I had quit. I got an internship in a local newspaper, and we also learned about portfolios. In 2011 the school was over, but I didn’t continue with graphic design until 2018. I was into photography which was the reason why I studied it in the first place. The education was useful in the future.

I’ve had another challenge that I overcame, but it wasn’t as hard as the one above. In 2016, I studied web design. It was for a year. The challenge in that was when the job learning started. We had one in the Autumn and one in the Spring. We had to find clients by ourselves. I thought I wouldn’t have found anyone, but then I did. The first job learning was complex, but the client was very understanding. Coding was complicated for me. I didn’t know if I could finish the project. Even the start was a challenge. The first one wasn’t crucial. It was only practice. The 2nd job learning was more important. We had to have at least 3 clients. I found two in the end. It would be our last assignment which we would present in front of three evaluators. I was really nervous. I don’t like to do presentations. I don’t know how I got through it, but I did. I passed the course, and I didn’t have to do the presentation again. I had experience with clients and project work, so at least I have something to give. It’s a great feeling when you know you faced a challenge and overcame it. You can be proud of yourself, and the next challenge will feel easier.

Ten years of nothing

blurry and dark nothing
Made in Canva

I don’t memorise years so I don’t know what happened when. All I know is that in 10 years I haven’t accomplished nothing to brag about. When others have had career moves, families and other things they’re proud of, I’ve just hung on. But I’ve learned to enjoy the small things because big things only disappoint. If I went to a school reunion I would feel like a failure because I haven’t done anything. I wouldn’t even go. Some people think they need to do something special so they can call them living life. I have never needed to go to some other place to find myself. Whatever finding yourself means. Anyway, the point with this post is going down the memory lane. I got this idea from a post on Instagram.

2010
I studied graphic design in a 2-year education. This was the 2nd year. That’s all of that year.

2011
I graduated from the graphic design education. This was the last year we went to Lapland to ski. I didn’t know it would be the last.

2012
My mother was diagnosed with cancer which was a big chocker. She got treatment and went through operations. There were still hope she would win the decease. The year was a lot of that so I don’t remember anything else. Oh, besides I got an internship in a local newspaper for two weeks as a photographer. Even if my mother was sick she was still concerned about me finding a job.

2013
This year was the most difficult time for me and my family. Mother told us her cancer couldn’t be cured. The doctor had done everything but nothing helped. Soon she got worse and maybe two weeks (or a week) at the hospice she was gone. That Christmas was the worse.

2014
This year I started this blog. I did write occasionally in 2013 but 2014 was the year I really started it. I also studied photography at Helsinki Design School.

2015
I finished photography education. I realised I didn’t want to do photography like a pro after all so it was time to think about something else once again.

2016
I found a web design education that lasted a year. I applied and got in. I wrote a blog about my education which is called ‘My Web Design Haven’. I don’t write it anymore but here it is. The education included on-the-job learning where you should find clients by yourself. Luckily I found at least one. That was hard because coding is not my favourite thing but luckily the client was very understanding. I got good feedback from the client as well.

2017
There was another on the job learning and this time we had to have at least 3 clients. I found them but only two of them was serious.  This was the time I really started to think about entrepreneurship. I really liked the thought of not having to go anywhere and I could choose my own time. To pass the education we had to have a presentation of our client work in front of 3 valuators. It was really nerve-wracking. In the end, I passed and graduated. I only had one job interview but that’s something I don’t want to remember. I went to my first ever live concert that summer and that was Robbie Williams. I wasn’t sure I would go but I’m glad I did.

2018
At the beginning of that year, I got accepted to a course about entrepreneurship. It was mostly done online but we had some meetings too. The hardest part was writing a business plan. After that course, I decided to apply to Helsinki Design School again. This time in graphic design. I applied to it twice and the 2nd time I got in. My plan was to add graphic design to my services if I would become an entrepreneur.

2019

I was on a plane for the first time in my life. I and dad went to the Canarian Islands. I got through the graphic design education. This is where I began to rethink about entrepreneurship and I’m still doubting. I applied for a job in something else but the interview was just that and nothing else. I hate it when I have to assume I didn’t get the job. Again they didn’t give me an answer. But I didn’t want the job anyway.

2020
Then there’s this year. I’m getting a new laptop because my old one has Windows 7 and they won’t update that anymore. I’m changing brands as well. It’s a Mac which I’ve used before so it’s nothing new. Then there’s the concert by Elton John at the end of summer. That’s all I know so far.

So there you have it. Ten years of nothing is not entirely true. I did do things so it’s not all boring. Both happy and sad things but nothing to brag about on social media and such. Where I will be ten years later is a question I don’t want to reply to. I don’t even know what I’m doing at the weekend. No one really knows what will happen in 10 years. It’s only wishful thinking.