One on one vs Group talk

conversation
Source: http://marketingland.com

Introverts understand that one on one is prefered better than a big group. Especially if there are extroverts in them who keep talking. It’s also very noisy if there are more groups than one. This is common in team work.

I don’t get it how some people can talk about anything that comes to mind. I always think before I speak because it’s a waste of time talking about nothing special. The best conversations are one on one, with a person you know something about. Even better if it’s with a person who likes the same thing as you. With total strangers it just feels weird. If you don’t have anything in common, it’s more difficult to have a decent conversation.

What I dislike the most is when I’m the one who has to start a conversation. That’s unnatural for an introvert. It’s different when I talk to someone I know. If it’s not, I just want to get out of there or do something else. This what has happened during the career coaching. Group work with a bunch of people who doesn’t even talk to you at other times. Particularly if it’s pair work. I hate that. I’m not able to come up with anything if the other person doesn’t start the talking. All there is this silent awkwardness.

If it’s group work, it should be at least 4 people in it. Then there’s always someone saying something. They shouldn’t be best friends either because then they could have inside jokes or just leave you out of the discussion. There is one positive side of group work though. You hear other thoughts and not just from one person. One person know one thing and other knows another.

The truth is, the best conversation is not in a group or one on one, it’s the conversation you have in your own mind. Who knows you better than yourself. You can think what you like without having to hurt someone’s feelings. If someone heard those conversations, they would probably understand where you’re coming from. Or they may not. Some conversations shouldn’t be said in public. People are not as open-minded as you would think. Sometimes you need conversations by yourself.

Eavesdropping can be a risky business

eavesdropping
Source: http://execsecurity.com/blog/hedge-fund-eavesdropping/#sthash.MqBToTom.dpbs

When I saw this week’s writing challenge, I come to think about an episode of the 80’s comedy show ‘Alf” I don’t remember which episode it was though. The mother of Kate (that’s Mrs Tanner) came to visit. Alf was watching TV when Dorothy (Kate’s mother) came to the living room and changed the channel. She wanted to watch a soap. A conflict aroused between them where Alf said, he could write a better script to the series. She wanted him to prove it so he started writing it. He listened to every conversation she and Kate had and wrote it down. He then sent it to the TV station when it was finished. They used the script for an episode. The family watched it and they noticed the dialogue sounding familiar. Alf thought the conflict between Kate and Dorothy would get solved but it was the other way around. It gets Alf in trouble. He tries to make it up somehow so he writes another script. After a writer’s block, he gets it done. But the TV station changes the script so the conflict continues at home. He convinces them to read the real script. In the end it all ends well.

Listening to other people’s conversations and writing them down, can get people upset if they see it somewhere on the internet. Eavesdropping can also make people imagine things. A conversation can be about daily things but if a person hear a certain word when they’re walking by, it can lead to something else. For example some might hear the word ‘bomb’ and start to assume it’s about a terrorist attack plan. Misunderstanding can lead to more serious things. Innocent people can get into trouble. If you hear a conversation, you shouldn’t make your own conclusion. Sometimes listening to others can be amusing too.

Being an introvert, listening is second nature. You can pretend you don’t hear even if you do. You can still be social if you only listen to others. You can learn a lot about another person without having to take part in the conversation. In school I often listen to people talking. Standing in line for the coffee machine can be an event. I’ve heard where people go to lunch or what kind of DVD’s people have bought. Sitting on the bus and listening to conversations. One had work only at weekends in Helsinki. The other had band rehearsals. Public transportations are good for eavesdropping. It’s where people talk the longest if it’s a long trip. Then there are people on their phones. That can be a bit annoying. Who wants to listen to people’s relationship problems or health problems? If they don’t want people to hear, they wouldn’t talk those things in public. Maybe it’s some kind of turn-on for them. I would never talk about personal things around others. If I did, I would whisper so the only person that heard, was the person I’m talking too.

The funniest conversation on the phone I’ve heard was on the bus from Helsinki in September this year. The lady sat across me on the other side of the aisle. First she started with Finnish and when she got to more personal things, she said to the other person “I’m gonna talk in Swedish so no one would hear” Which amused me since I speak Swedish too (Finnish-Swedish is my mother tongue) She started to talk about her co-worker that was a pain in the neck. She kept bitching about the person that made the work environment unbearable. The person had done this and that. Or said this and that. This conversation went on and on. She talked quite a long time. To me it seemed, it was this lady that was the problem. I hope I won’t meet one of those. Backstabbing is the worst feeling in the world. What made it funny was that, she thought no one would understand what she was talking about. If she only knew 😀

It can sometimes be hilarious. I’ve never tried this one. I don’t know if it would work in real life.

When you have nothing to say

Always been a problem for me. What do people really talk about? People I’ve met have never had anything in common with me. Why would I start a conversation with people I know I have nothing to say to. In school I never had any real friends. My best friend moved to another city with her family after 1st grade. Sure I had friends after that but they were never lasting. I had to repeat 4th grade and in 5th grade it turned to hell. I wasn’t bullied physical nor verbal. It was more like whispering behind my back and excluding me from the group. Especially this one girl, who probably started it all, but I think she was just jealous or something. People like that usually have low self-esteem. I guess that experience has had some effect on me. I don’t trust people the way I used to. I have come to the conclusion that those people who did it were just jealous because I could do some things better than them. What really is disappointing, is that I didn’t get any friends in other schools either. Sometimes it feels like I’m cursed. I’ve never had any luck when it comes to friendship. But I’ve got used to it. I actually prefer to be alone. I can do what I want and go where I want. But it has its downsides too.

I just don’t know how to start a conversation. I just can’t go up to a person and say something. My mother could always do that and she wasn’t even extrovert when she was a child. She always told me, I haven’t been around people so much. That’s probably true. But if I can’t even start a conversation with strangers, how am I suppose to get used to be around people. I’ve tried to be more extrovert but no matter how I try, it always feels unnatural. It just feels awkward. It’s like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. When meeting new people, I always feel tongue-tied. I just don’t know what to say. I rather just listen and give short answers if they ask something. At least I don’t blab nonsense. If only people would understand that I can be talkative too. It just depends what subject is. People just think quiet people stay quiet. I’m not quiet, I just don’t have anything to say.