Today, it’s been a year since my Dad passed away. It was February 8, 2024, and about 11 o’clock when they called from the hospital to tell me he was no more. A year goes fast. I still have things to do, like going through his clothes. But life has moved on, and I have had other things on my mind. Sometimes, I wish he was here, but maybe it was for the best. You never know when death will show its face. It was good that some things were done before he died.
My Dad was a goldsmith who owned a business for 30 years. He continued even after he retired. It was one of his ways of doing something. He was a very good drawer, and he designed the jewellery he made. He made white golden diamond and zircon rings, pendants and earrings. He had a sales rep from whom he got orders from. But then the sales prep died, so Dad began to think about quitting the business. He decided to stop, and at the end of 2023, he sold the business premises. Ultimately, it was good it happened because fewer problems existed for me.
One of his last works was this ring (and a few earrings that were the same set). As the daughter of a goldsmith, I had access to jewellery without having to buy them. I have a lot of different kinds of jewellery, including yellow and white gold rings and pendants. If he tried new designs, I got to try them, so I might have pieces no one else has. It won’t get me rich if I sell them. No one else, for that matter. I haven’t used them for years because I’ve had rashes on my hands. I wore a necklace that my Dad made once last Christmas. For special occasions, I can wear them. Maybe I could begin to wear rings again every day as I did before.
No one is perfect, and my dad wasn’t either, but he was still my father, and I’m grateful for that. We didn’t agree on some things, but we got along great mostly. I hoped to have him around a little longer, but we spent a lot of quality time together, and that’s what matters.
I read about that claim, but I disagree. Just because you haven’t been paid doesn’t mean it isn’t a real job. The only time I got paid was when I worked as a media assistant four years ago. Before that, I had only internships where I got 9 euros a day, plus unemployment benefits. Then, on-the-job learning was part of education. Those are better than no job experience at all. Finding paying jobs is like swimming in syrup. It’s sticky, and you feel like you’re in can’t get out of it.
I’ve had internships that I had to take to get work experience. At the time, I didn’t know what I wanted to do. I have more education than jobs. That’s the way it is, and I can’t change it. My first ever internship was in the kindergarten, but the only fun thing was being with the kids. They were so sweet. The rest wasn’t fun, so I won’t mention them. One of the first was in a net cafe, the most boring thing ever. There was nothing to do. I was supposed to help people with computers, but there were only a few customers. Other times, it was only sitting around and doing nothing. I also updated the memberships list on the computer. Once, I made a flyer about an event, but that’s about it.
The next job wasn’t much better but wasn’t as bad. It was mostly office work, posting things and so on. A few times, I took photos with a bad camera. Both of these jobs were in organisations, so they couldn’t pay. It was still a job or a workplace. That’s better than staying at home. At least I got something more than benefits.
Another internship was also in a boring place. It was a mail service business. I helped with packaging and updated customer contact information. Not a very exciting job. I didn’t like it, but I had to be there for about 2 months. When it ended, I was relieved.
The following internships involved education. One was in a local newspaper, where I studied visual expression for two years, between 2009 and 2011. We had on-the-job learning in the 2nd year. I did graphics for a local newspaper. Finished maps and infographics for the paper. I was a little disappointed I didn’t get to do anything graphic design or photography. In fact, it was boring, and I was too shy to say much to my co-workers. One said they could teach me to draw, but I never asked. I wish I did, but what was done is done. I was only happy I didn’t need to travel to school for a month.
In 2012, I was a photographer for another local newspaper. But they only let me be there for 2 weeks. They made me believe they would consider me for a more extended period, but they probably already had some students coming in. So disappointing, but at least I got a few photos in the newspaper that I still have. Even if it was for a short time, that was probably the best internship I had so far. I liked I didn’t have to stay in the office all day. That was the job I wanted to do, to do different things.
My last education-related on-the-job learning was in 2017 when I studied web design for a year. We had one in the Spring and the other in the Autumn. The first one, I had one client. I did web design, but it wasn’t easy since I don’t like coding. I still don’t. I got something done, though. The client was understanding. I got good feedback, so it was nice to read. For the one in the Autumn, I had two clients. It was crucial to have at least two because we would have a presentation of our work in front of evaluators to pass the course. I did web and graphic design. One was a remake of a WordPress site. The other was designing a logo and a new website with WordPress. I truly liked freelancing, and then I started to think about entrepreneurship, but that’s another story.
Those were the jobs I had. Internships are real jobs, and it’s a shame employers don’t appreciate them. It feels like they have syrup in their brains, so they can’t see the bigger picture. There can be other reasons, too, but that’s how it feels. All I can think is it’s their loss. It doesn’t make me feel better, but it does bring me some comfort.
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
Bloganuary 2024
I wouldn’t call it being scared, but becoming an entrepreneur is worrying. I’ve been to a course about it and researched about it. But the course was some years ago. I still haven’t gotten around to it. It’s a big step to take and many things to think about. You can’t claw your way to success. At least I don’t have it in me. What worries me the most is the financial prospect of it. The other is if I have enough skills to run a design business. I don’t have work experience in the field I’ve studied. I don’t even know what kind of services I want to provide. I don’t know if I can ask the right questions and if I fulfil clients’ requests. Even getting clients is a worrying thing. Networking is not my strongest suit, and neither is my portfolio. I only have schoolwork there. I don’t have any family or friends for whom I could do projects to fill it. I’m like a fish out of water compared to others. Many graphic design entrepreneurs have the same services and much more experience than I do. How can I compete with that? And they are younger too. They also show their faces, which I don’t want to do. It won’t help much if someone says I should do it because I’ve tried, but there never seems to be enough time to start.
If I got a part-time job, I could run a business on the side, but it is a different matter if I have the strength to do it after work. If I had a job, I would at least get paid. The trouble with having a job is getting up early in the morning. As an entrepreneur, you can have your own schedule and don’t need to go anywhere. You also don’t need to endure the pain of applying for jobs. If it was easy to find a client, becoming an entrepreneur would also be easier. It’s more challenging when you don’t have a great portfolio. The business owner makes it look so easy, but the truth isn’t as easy as it looks. Maybe I need more confidence in myself. I didn’t think entrepreneurship would be for me, but not finding a job has changed that thought. The other reason why I started to think about it was when I worked with clients during web design education in 2017. I could do the projects at my own pace, which felt good.
I should claw myself out of this insecurity and just do it, or I’ll regret it. I only need to get a grip on myself. I know I don’t want to be without work forever. Life must be something more than just being without anything to do. If no one else won’t give you a purpose, then you should give it to yourself.
In my world 