Failure is not an option

failure is not an option
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Ever had the thought that no matter how many times you try, you feel like a failure? You don’t get the attention you’re looking for. When no one else believes in you, giving up is easier. But nothing would be new if everyone thought the same, and the world wouldn’t have evolved as it is. Everybody won’t become great inventors, but we can do something about our lives. You can either work for others, or you can work for yourself. The latter is the hard way, which scares or worries people, including me. I don’t want to fail because that’s not an option. I don’t have time to start over again. That’s one reason I haven’t taken the step I wish to take, the fear of failure. I’ve failed in different ways. Whether it’s been education or finding a job. Certain things you can’t do yourself, like getting a job. That’s more about luck than failure. I’ve been luckier getting into a school I applied to than getting a job. They say you have a better chance of getting a job if you educate yourself, but in my experience, that isn’t true. Maybe it’s true in some occupations but not in mine.

My biggest fear the most is not being able to pay the bills if I become an entrepreneur. To be paid for a job, you need clients. It’s easier to search for a job but that haven’t happened to me, so I’m seriously thinking about becoming one. I’m already active on social media and have take courses about different approached to online marketing. But my worry is that despite doing what needs to be done, I still don’t get any clients. Am I wasting my time and should I forget about it? Maybe my business plan or dream clients doesn’t exist? What if I’m not good enough because I don’t have work experience and that’s the reason I don’t find clients? Those are the questions I keep asking myself. I don’t want to take the risk to have a business, if I have to wait couple of years to make a profit. Then a job with someone else would be better or being unemployment with benefits. Fortunally, with good planning and good confidence in my skills it won’t take that long. You don’t need to struggle with problems alone because there are people who can help.

I know I work better in an environment that I can control. I’ve been to workplaces where I didn’t feel I belonged. I don’t want to do a job I don’t want to do. Life shouldn’t be about doing things you’re not meant for. I believe you should follow your dreams even if they seem impossible in some other persons eyes. There are always people who hope you fail but that’s because they’re not brave enough to do anything about their own hopes and dreams. When my late Dad worked for another company before he started his own, there were people who were jealous because he made more money than them. But that didn’t stop him from doing a job. He started his company in 1990 and quit at least 2 years before his death this year. He had his ups and downs financially, but his occupation was different from mine. He was a goldsmith and that was an uncertain business. I followed from the sidelines how having a business worked, so I know how it is. He could chose his own hours and that’s more my style too. I’m not meant to do 9-5 jobs and people breathing down my neck. I want to be able to be myself and not try to act to be someone I’m not.

A leak in my career path

Photo by Ron Lach on Pexels.com

What alternative career paths have you considered or are interested in?

Daily Writing Prompt

You might have a dream job when you’re a kid, but it changes as you age. Some people know what they want to be and stick to it from the start. In some way, I envy those people. It’s a good envy. My mind is more complex than that. I have a leak in my career path because I keep changing my mind. When I was 6, I wanted to be a baker because I liked to help Mum in the kitchen. Later, I realised baking is fun, but cleaning and waking up early isn’t. I bake occasionally but wouldn’t want to do it for a living. I also can’t do a job where you must always wash your hands. Wearing rubber gloves isn’t good either. You could say I have an education path, not a career one, because I don’t have enough job experience.

When I finished compulsory school, I had to apply for further education. My educational advisor suggested healthcare studies, but I didn’t want to apply. My mother said I should start somewhere, so I did. The education was for a year, but it seemed longer than that. I was 17, my first time living away from home. I only went home at the weekend. My mother was right; I should start somewhere because I could have been an outcast youth if I hadn’t. After primary school, it is good to have a further plan. I was lucky to have people who helped me decide what to do next. As a teenager, you don’t know yourself the way you do when you become an adult. I’ve been to two schools that I didn’t finish.

One was business school, and the other was photography. I didn’t like economic education for two reasons, Math and awful schoolmates. Photography education wasn’t fun either. It was at the beginning of the 2000s, and digital cameras weren’t that common. The teacher was all about film and refused to teach us about digital photography. I didn’t understand film development with all the different liquids. It was too complicated for me. The only thing I liked about the school was my roommate and the chance to use Photoshop in the computer room. The trip to the school wasn’t fun either. First, take the bus and then walk about 3 kilometres. I was only there for 3 or 4 months and then quit. My mother said I gave up too quickly, and in a way, I still do. I didn’t know what I wanted to be, and that’s the easy part.

I have considered different career paths. As a teen, I wanted to be a singer for a moment because I liked to sing along to songs I liked. Then, I thought I would want to work for a radio station or in a fan club. I even applied for a dance education, which luckily was cancelled. I don’t know what I was thinking with that. I didn’t even like school discos. I applied for the dance one after I finished my healthcare education. I was very restless when I was a teenager. I wanted to live in England because my favourite band, Take That, lived there and you could study English there for 3-4 months. I also wanted to see some other places than Finland. My mother didn’t want me to live there, maybe because we didn’t have the money to send me there. She didn’t even want to pay for a concert ticket when the band was here. The older I got, the less I wanted to live abroad. I’ve always been a homebody; I didn’t stay out late at night as a teenager. I had no friends anymore with whom to spend time anyway. I liked spending time with my parents and spending quality time with them. I didn’t have a reason to go out. They supported me in any occupation I chose.

I never really had a career path. It’s challenging to have anything when you concentrate on what you want to do for a living. Even if my mother was dying, she always worried about if I would find a job. She had been unemployed, so it was understandable she didn’t want the same thing for me. But it’s been inevitable these days because there are only jobs in places where I don’t have an education. I have never wanted to do only one thing. I like being versatile. Once, I thought about becoming a screenplay writer because I enjoy writing and have studied writing. But it’s hard work and an unstable job. I can’t even finish the fan fiction I write. A career in movies and TV would be an exciting career path. But it’s a complex business to get into. It would be different if I was younger, and I would have time to start something different. I have studied creative things, so I want to combine them.

I found what I wanted to do, but since I don’t have the experience, I don’t get a chance to work anywhere. They all want job experience but don’t even provide internships for people like me. They’re all for young people who study. My resume has too many leaks. Studying doesn’t mean a squat if you don’t get the chance to work in the field you studied. All I get offered are jobs that aren’t moving my career further. If I was younger, those jobs would be OK. I’m seriously thinking about becoming an entrepreneur. I have already taken courses in social media to promote myself. I just don’t know if any of it will get me clients, but it doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe I will finally get that career I’ve been looking for and end to the leak.

Won’t feel blue when I get excited

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Tell us about the last thing you got excited about.

Daily Writing Prompt

My excitement doesn’t show on the outside, so people don’t see it. Sports events are different, though. If a Finn or a team succeeds in a competition or a game, I cheer for them. Unlike other people, I don’t even need alcohol for that. I never liked that stuff. I don’t feel blue when I get excited. Especially when it’s about getting more confidence. Too many things have put me down in the past. I got excited at first, but the feeling faded. If it’s been in schools or workplaces. I haven’t found the right way that makes me feel comfortable. But now it might be different.

I’m taking part in two courses. The first is about taking photos with a digital camera and posting them on social media. I’m in its third week. It has 8 modules on different subjects related to photography. You get better photos with an SLR (single-lens reflex camera) than a mobile phone. Learning to take pictures with a camera with all the manual settings takes a while. It’s been a while since I did that, which is one of the reasons why I’m taking this course. But also because it has a Facebook group where you can share your assignments and contact other students. You can get help from the group or the organizers. It’s not only photography but also how to post regularly on Instagram. I participated in a free webinar about taking photos in one day, and the course was mentioned. After thinking about it for a while, I decided to join the course. I’ve taken pictures with my iPhone lately because it’s easier to carry. I might get excited again to use a camera. So far, I have no regrets. The teachers are professional photographers, and the FB community is fabulous. In this course, you get feedback on how to become a better photographer. When I studied photography from 2014 to 2015, we got feedback on our assignments, but I didn’t get any comments afterward, so you didn’t know if you improved your photos. Different people have different methods to teach others, so it’s nice to see another perspective.

The other course I’m taking starts on September 2. It’s about stepping into Instagram marketing. It’s for small businesses or those who are planning one. It has 8 modules with different subjects, such as social media strategies and building confidence in front of the camera. It sounded interesting when I took part in a webinar about the course. It isn’t cheap, but it might pay in the end. Both courses are in Finnish and females. They all sound like great people, too. I’m excited about both courses and know I’ll learn something. Anything new I learn is like that. I’ve put things off with becoming an entrepreneur for different reasons. Maybe I’m getting closer to it because I’m bored with my job search. I have people who can support me and help me get forward. I’m glad I don’t need to network on events when I can do it online. I feel blue when I hear or read about how to call or meet people at events. For an introvert, it’s hell. There must be other ways to market your business or when you’re only starting out. The courses I’m taking will help in a lot of things.

I hope my excitement will last a little longer this time, or I will feel blue again.