I didn’t even get an interview so that was a waste of time. I could have started something but now I’m a bit down. I guess when I apply to an education where you need to explain why you want to be in the education I don’t get a chance. Not always but most of the time. I don’t know why it took so long for them to decide. I applied in June and I don’t even get to the interview. That really makes a person feel unwanted. I could have done something else besides waiting. Deep inside I knew I wouldn’t get in. It was a far-fetched anyway. I could get that knowledge elsewhere. I’ve already tried to study digital marketing on Google but I didn’t pass the test. In the education I applied to was an internship involved which is probably the only reason I applied. Now I don’t get that either.
I don’t why I bother doing anything. My plans all fail anyway. It’s really difficult to keep the motivation going when you feel you’re not succeeding. Never give up they say but how can you be positive when life kicks you in the exhaust. Over and over again. You get an error not once but several times. You feel everyone else does things much better than you. You don’t get over that feeling no matter how people try to put positive thoughts in your head. Many times you see how people have succeeded even if they’ve failed. But I don’t think I feel that lucky. I’m probably had so many drawbacks I’m too afraid to start anything. Maybe if I was in my 20’s I could have better chances but you can’t go back in time. I don’t mean it’s too late but now it’s much harder. Some things just make it too impossible. Some people look at other people on social media and feel depressed about how they look. I look at people’s skills and I feel depressed how bad my skills are. Maybe not bad but I’m insecure about them. I don’t think I get any better no matter how much I practice.
Looking on the bright side. My life is not an error. In some things, I feel secure. Like in writing. I’m good at that and I feel confident in it. I don’t get paid for it but still, it gives me satisfaction. If I did get paid for it, it probably would feel forced. Having it as a hobby, I don’t get stressed and I can write about things I want to read. If I didn’t have anything my life would be much more boring. A person needs to have at least one hobby to escape reality for a while. After that, it’s much easier to cope with life.
It seems only other people get to experience marvels in their lives. Life-changing things. Good things. You on the other hand only experience bad things. If it’s poverty, losing a loved one or any other negative experience. Not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth. There was a Finnish article about rich people and how they see things. One was that most of the unemployed are lazy and poor people should only blame themselves. It’s so easy to claim about those things when they have inherited their parents or other relatives. Some wealthy people think anyone can become rich but that’s only a dream. A lot of people don’t even want to be rich. They just want enough so they don’t need to struggle financially. It also seems people with a lot of money become greedy and their reality becomes blurry. They would change their tunes if bad luck would strike them.
You’re either lucky or not. Sometimes in between. I haven’t experienced anything marvel so I don’t expect it to happen in the future either. If it did I wouldn’t mind it. One example is of nothing happened was when I studied in Helsinki Design School. It was photography. Now I read stories about students who studied there and how they’ve managed to get a job after their education. Or they started their own business. Not just photography but other fields of study as well. I have had no use of this education from this school. I didn’t even get an internship. I doubt I get any from the graphic design education either. The only thing I did get from this school was something to do. I might have learned something but I probably will forget it soon. I did learn I didn’t want to do photography for a living after all. Maybe you need to be young and pretty with an outgoing personality to get anything. Or maybe I’m just too crap to get hired. Marvels only happen to other people. I can only read about other people’s success stories with envy. The web design education wasn’t much better.
It’s not a marvel but I have got into educations I’ve applied to. Some of them were just past times but others were something that could be useful. You would think a healthy and educated person would have a job by now. But no you need experience to get anything. I don’t have any relatives who could give me a job. I’m never in the right place at the right time. It’s like my destiny is to have an uninteresting life. I try to be positive about what I have but there are times I wish I had something else. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side though. People might look happy in the Instagram photos but most of the photos there are fake. Other people’s life might look marvellous on the outside but it’s not always so. In a way, I’m glad I’m not living the way certain people are. I don’t like drama and I rather live in my own little bubble than be a puppet of society. Everyone doesn’t need to experience anything marvel to be happy. You should enjoy the small things in life. Mine is at the moment to finish this blog post and I have succeeded at last. It only took me 4 hours so cheers.
Coming up with an ingenuity that no one has yet discovered is not an easy task. But if it was easy everyone would be a genius. Maybe someone would have found a cure to all the wrong things that happen in life. Sometimes things are what they are and you can really do anything about it. You just have to accept it and move on. There have been times when I thought I made the best ingenuity ever but they turned to shit. One of them was when I planned what my blog would be about. Not only on WordPress but also on Tumblr. The later is a bit of a disappointment. Their whole concept is boring these days anyway. And it’s not because they turned off all the explicit stuff. It’s actually a good thing. It means no more pornographic followers. Those annoyed me the most since my Tumblr’s was nothing about that. There are no decent posts to reblog either so I don’t use it as often as I used to. Besides, Tumblr had some weird stuff and I wouldn’t recommend it to any sane person. Well, I used it so what does that say about me. It does have decent things there too so it’s not all bad.
I’ve had so many bad ideas about occupations and educations so I doubt I get anything right. I’m still disappointed about some of the feedback I got from a school assignment at Helsinki Design School and the portfolio presentation. So I’m gonna complain about that again. I thought I could do graphic design but the education made me think maybe I don’t have what it takes. It made me feel like a loser who thinks too highly of themselves. I don’t exactly get hundreds of views or likes on work I’ve posted online. It feels like talking to a wall. I don’t have the ingenuity that you probably need if you want to work with design. Practice makes you better but my motivation is low so I don’t feel like it. I have this demon on my shoulder saying, then give up, but then the angel says, no don’t. The reason why I went to this education was to add a service to my possible web design business but it hasn’t gone as I thought. Not having enough confident of my skills it’s hard to imagine anyone wanting to hire me for their project. In design, it’s important to know people and I don’t know anyone.
I applied to employment training in digital marketing and e-commerce just to have a plan and because I’m interested in it. It’s a long way to that and I don’t even know if I get in the course. For now, that is some kind of ingenuity for the near future. Having many backup plans is never a bad thing. If it’s good or not will remain to be seen.