The aftermath of 2019

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Christmas holiday is over. I and dad went to Tallinn, Estonia. The trip went well. There was Christmas entertainment on the cruise ship and on Christmas Day we took a walk to the town. Luckily the weather wasn’t rainy as it was last year. We ate so much on the ship so we wouldn’t need to eat at all for a few days. So after buying bags full of candy/sweets, it’s back to normal again.  The year is soon over and it’s time to do the aftermath of the year 2019. For me, it was quite eventful which isn’t every year. So let’s get started before I forget.

In April we went to Playa Del Inglés in Canarian Islands. A story I still haven’t finished so sorry about that. I don’t even know how much I remember from the trip anymore. I’m a bit lazy when it comes to writing about trips and editing photos. I think I still have those photos in my memory card. So far I’ve only written 2 parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Other things have occupied my mind so I haven’t remembered to write the next part. I might finish it next year. Let that be one goal of mine in 2020.

Then not so good things. I came back from Helsinki where I studied graphic design. When I got home from the bus, I tripped and fell on my face. I cracked two of my front teeth. What upset me the most was the lack of help I got when I laid there on the payment. One young guy just walked by and didn’t even look my way. So much for Finnish hospitality. I had to get up myself. It hurt like hell and my nose got scratches as well. Luckily I had a tissue to I could stop the bleeding. I had to call my dad to take me to the emergency room. Then I had to wait in the waiting room for ages before I got an icepack for my upper lip. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable in my life. Then I had to wait for the doctor for hours. They fixed my teeth at least with a temporary filling. Before that, I looked like an ice hockey player. Become of this accident I had to skip school and I couldn’t eat or drink properly for weeks. Luckily my nose wasn’t broken because that would have been even worse. Now my teeth are fixed and back to normal. But it was an experience I never want to go through again.

Then the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School ended. I wouldn’t say I graduated since I’m not officially a graphic designer. At least not in my own mind. I’m glad at least for getting through the education. The thing that I feel really sorry about was that I had to skip a day when they taught web design. I’ve already studied it but it would have been interesting to see how the teacher we had taught the class. Every teacher teaches differently. The other thing was my portfolio presentation. I didn’t get the feedback that could have helped me in the future because of my screw up. I wouldn’t say the education was a waste of time because I did get something out of it. But it didn’t give me any hope of working in the graphic design field. Actually, it made me feel even worse about my skills. Now I’m here wasting my time and the things I learned in this school is slowly fading away from my mind. Just like with the web design education. When the motivation is low you don’t feel like practising your skills.

In the job search, things don’t look bright either. I applied to 2 jobs outside my field. I got one interview but that’s didn’t go anywhere. I got no reply for either of them so it means I didn’t get it. I also applied to a Recruitment Training program called DigiTalentPro but I wasn’t chosen for that either. I’ve heard negative reviews of the program so I’m not really sorry about it. It seems I only get one job interview every second year which isn’t much fun. I went to a job fair but I only went to listen to a couple of speakers. And one of them I met which I’m most proud of because I usually don’t approach celebrities that often.

This year we also went to Stockholm in Sweden. We lived in a hotel. Then I got Spotify Premium because I got tired of the commercials. Also, the microphone on my old mobile stopped working so I had to start using my dad old smartphone. Then I stopped using Instagram because my tablet is slow and I can’t download any Google Play apps on my phone. I tried to find a solution but nothing worked so decided to skip the whole thing. So that was the aftermath of my 2019. The only thing I know what’s gonna happen in 2020 is the concert of Elton John in September. And my yearly dentist appointment the next day. The rest is your guess is as good as mine.

My short-lived excitement

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When I feel the excitement of something it’s usually short-lived. I don’t know why. Maybe because my mind is all over the place. I’m never doing things with a passion. I have so many things I like so it’s difficult to choose just one to concentrate on. I get excited about one thing and then I realise it’s not what I want so it dries out. In some things, I get the excitement back after a break. One of them is reading. I got excited about getting a library card and read books. But now my excitement for book reading has calmed down. I have one book to read but I haven’t finished it yet even though there’s not much left. It’s the English version of ‘The Hobbit’ I have the Finnish version of it and I read it in about 3 days and I have already read it twice. I don’t why this one takes so long to read. I already renewed it once. I read one chapter yesterday. I guess I’m just a slow book reader and I get distracted a lot.

Having a short-live excitement is the worse when it comes to deciding what job to do. Photography was on my agenda for a long time. Until I studied it in 2014-2015 and realised I didn’t want to do it as a living. I got excited for web design and then graphic design but now it feels like I’m indifferent about that too. Even becoming an entrepreneur entered my mind but now the excitement isn’t the same. It’s still a backup plan though. I applied for a job that isn’t in my field but it seems that won’t happen either. It seems destiny is denying me to become anything. It gives and takes it away straight away.

One proof of my excitement being short-lived is writing this blog post. When I started writing it about 2 hours ago, I had full of ideas but now I don’t know what to write. All of that excitement is gone and it will stop right here.

My ponder years

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First of all, I had the flu so I was tired to blog much. I still have some of it left but it’s getting better. Secondly, I’ve been busy doing something else but that’s beside the point.

The job interview I went to last week. I don’t think I got the job because I haven’t heard anything from it. But what else is new. This really has been a ponder year again. When one thing is finished, you should have another plan. I had ponder years before and I always managed to do something. I applied for employment training but no word from that either. I won’t be very disappointed if I don’t get that. I’ve changed my mind about that since I applied. It’s about coding and among other things which I don’t like that much anyway. It’s typical of me to get excited at something but then changing my mind about it. I ponder about different things for a long time before I decide anything. This time I both applied for a job and for the education I mentioned. But now the excitement is gone.

It’s the same with life choices I’ve made. I ponder and then decide but then I realise it’s not something I want to do after all. I want to focus on different things but I get no experience from anything because no one wants to give me the chance. Things you learn in school is not the same as you learn from life. I don’t ponder about why I’m not wanted because it’s not my fault people find me uninteresting. I don’t care what people think of me anyway. I can only be the person I am. I don’t find quilt in what I’ve chosen to study or how to live my life. I haven’t felt any pressure to be something I’m not. A lot of people do things just like that but someone in this world needs to be the ponder one. Problems with people today is that they don’t ponder about things a bit deeper anymore. They run around like they’re pants were on fire. Soon computers do all the thinking and humans walk around like zombies.

Sometimes you need to ponder about things deeper. Especially when it’s about important life decisions. Like something about your future or at least near-future plans. No one can make them for you. Your decisions might not please everyone but you’re not doing it for them anyway. You need to look out for number one, yourself (or your family if you have one) What’s outside that is second importance. Ponder about that.