Only human after all

human eye
Photo by Ruslan Alekso on Pexels.com

“I’m only human, flesh and blood; I’m made”

That’s what Human League sings in the song “Human”. It’s an 80s band if you didn’t know. I’m not a robot who can’t show emotions. Right now, I’m upset. Nothing works. I can’t play Angry Birds on Facebook. Grammarly doesn’t check my spelling on this post. But then it does it again. I can’t stand it when things don’t work. I should take a deep breath and calm down, but still, I don’t. I can’t help being emotional. Sometimes I just want to scream. And maybe cry. There are so many things that irritate me, and most of those are other people. Especially stupid people. Those who with no common sense. Were they dropped on the head as a child? Or maybe their parents were just dumb. Stupid people get stupid kids. It must be difficult to be stupid. Then again, some are so stupid, they don’t know they are. The world is full of them and other idiots too. As long as you don’t sink to their level. There are smart people in the world too. Stupidity comes in many forms. People who think they’re clever are actually stupid.

It has been proved during the Covid. Some people think the whole pandemic doesn’t even exist. So people just get it, and some die just for fun? They probably believe in conspiracy theories. JFK wasn’t murdered. Man didn’t walk on the moon. And those kinds of things. They act like spoilt brats. They don’t want to wear a mask. They don’t want to keep their distance. They want to live the way they always had. They have become somewhat obsolete. A shame it’s mostly young people. How selfish can someone be anyway? I hate people who only think about what is good for them. How can someone be so in love with parties, and being with friends, not caring at all? The attitude toward this disease is still arrogant. Do they think this vaccine will make it all go away? If we don’t all work together, Covid will be here for years. Should we need to tide young people to their beds or what? Covid is such a nice thing to have. Let’s not care at all. If we just close our eyes and wish it will disappear. So what if old people die? They gonna die anyway. If you live in denial and selfish like that, it will come back and bite you. Karma is a bitch. In Finland, we don’t have a curfew, but maybe soon we will. I think only young people should have it. They are the ones spreading the disease with their stupid parties and gatherings. Decent people shouldn’t need to suffer because certain people don’t care about anything else besides themselves. Sometimes I’m ashamed of humankind. Its unbelievable people like this are alive.

Yet again, I’m wasting my time on this. No one cares if I post this on Twitter. No likes my latest photos on Instagram again, so I have to like my own posts. Why do I bother anyway? It’s not a question; it’s an observation. They should have an edit button on both Twitter and Instagram. Whatever, hashtags don’t help. I still get nada likes. At least I get likes on WordPress from time to time. So bored with social media. I also put LinkedIn on private, so at least I can keep up with things I’ve studied and work. I’m not surprised people get depressed. Using social media makes you feel even more lonely. The best cure is to write your thoughts down or try to find someone to talk to. Sleeping helps, too, if you’re feeling down. Deep depression is a different thing, which I don’t have. Hang on there. It can’t last forever. Enjoying the small things because big things are harder to digest. Best of luck to you all.

Undulate

zig zag art

Undulate

My feelings for you change like an undulate

One day I hate you, the next time love

It’s a rollercoaster of emotions

I hate feeling this way

I try to avoid you but you’re everywhere

Life would be easier if things were different

You would be here and I could show what I feel

But you would never feel the way I do

Sometimes I wish I never looked at you

If you only knew how crazy I am about you

This undulate in my heart is trembling inside

I try to get you out of my mind but I fail

I want to see you as a friend but I want more

You have spoiled my life and you don’t even know it

Things can never be the same again and I blame you

I can’t even despise you completely

No one is perfect but you almost are

I don’t even know if you’re real but I know how I feel

It will go away but for now, I have to go with the undulate

Bury myself in thought

spades in sandSometimes I bury myself in thought. Especially when it comes to writing fan fiction. When I have an idea, the writing can take days and during them, I get lost in thought. I stay in that state of mind and I might even forget the real life for a while. The fiction is better than reality and I need an escape from that. The fiction could take over if I don’t wake up to reality. I can get lost in my thoughts if it’s a person I’m thinking about or something I’ve seen entertainment wise. My mind goes everywhere at once. It can be stressful at times because I see things from different angles.

There’s more life inside my head than on the outside. I was once told my inside world should show on the outside but that’s impossible. First of all my world inside is impossible to fulfil because it’s not real. Secondly, if my inside world would be outside, no one would follow the script and most of it would be censored. The world just couldn’t handle my mind. You might see some of that world in my fiction but still, it doesn’t give the right idea. I’ll bury those thoughts in my head until the day I die. Or take that to my grave so no one will ever found out. Some thoughts should remain in the vault and never see daylight. Some of my thoughts are getting worse as I get older so it should remain hidden.

Some people want to bury their feelings because they think it’s weak to show emotions. But that’s like denying you’re human. Even if you don’t show emotion, you should at least have respect for others. A smile is never bad and if you had a bad day, you should still be friendly. If you work with clients, you should be able to play nice. I’ve seen a lot of cashiers in the store who doesn’t smile and that puts me right off. They shouldn’t work in a service occupation if they can’t be friendly. Sometimes you need to keep your emotions in check because you don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. But if you bury all your feelings, nothing good will come out of it. So keep smiling because then the world smiles with you.