Tag: entrepreneur

Hazy shades of ambivalent

Mia2 Comments
Photo by Brett Jordan on Pexels.com

Many people don’t care about my unemployment, but I write about it anyway. It isn’t my fault no one wants to hire me. I got another rejection from a graphic design job. All those studies I had haven’t gotten me anywhere. I’m getting tired of trying to find something to apply to. I must apply for at least one monthly, or they will take my benefits away. I have ambivalent feelings about the whole job thing. I will never get experience when I can’t even get an internship. I’m getting too old for this shit. I feel like a failure when it comes to work. It’s like people think I want to be unemployed. I’m a healthy person, so that isn’t why I haven’t got a job. The only fault I have is my lack of work experience and my atopic skin, so I can’t do specific jobs. Other than that, I should get something. I only get suggestions for jobs I’m not suited for. I want to do something with graphic design and photography. But how can I get experience when I only get rejections?

I’m worried I’m not suitable for becoming an entrepreneur, either. Even if I had gone to a course about it. Getting people to notice you feels like hard work, and all that paperwork sounds overwhelming. I can’t decide what to do. I don’t have the confidence to succeed without having job experience in the field. I can hardly get any likes on my personal social media accounts. What if I don’t find clients, and if I do, how do I do things? It’s been a while since I designed anything. I try to make up fake projects, but I never have time. I have too much free time on my hands and too much sleep. If I had a good reason to wake up earlier, I would. I should get a grip on myself. I have no one who can give me a pep talk anymore. My late mother was good at that. My late dad wasn’t the same since he had other things on his mind. He had a business, so entrepreneurship should be in my blood. He made jewellery, but my field is different. My cousin has a business, and also my late grandfather, who I never met because he died when my mother was a child. A few people in my family tree were entrepreneurs, so it wouldn’t be surprising if I decided to do it, too.

If there is a positive thing about being unemployed, it is that I can do things that interest me. I can go places without having to think about whether I get off work or not. The downside is the financial side, and the other is not having human contact. Life can become one-sided if you don’t do something else for a change. I wish I wasn’t forced to apply for jobs when there is nothing suitable to apply to. There is more to life than wasting your time on writing applications. Especially when you know you won’t even get an interview. I wish I could leave this wheel of job search forever. I can either accept my current fate or do something about it.

“Why are these things never clear” Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End

A little puddle of pride

Mia2 Comments
puddle of water
Photo: Openverse

I haven’t written about this, but today (April 18) was the last day of my entrepreneurial studies. It took 20 days. I took one course like it in 2018, but I wanted an update. Not much has changed, and I knew about having a business before since my father had one for 30 years. I’ve also studied it alone. I enjoy the small things in life, so I have a little puddle of pride in finishing the course. It might not be significant for others, but you can still feel pride nonetheless.

I don’t know why I keep postponing entrepreneurship. During the course, I felt maybe I’m still not ready for it. I don’t have much job experience in graphic design. Many of my classmates in the course were confident they would have their own businesses. But I’m still torn between whether I should or shouldn’t. I applied for a graphic design job but won’t get an interview because I lack experience. The same would probably be true if I were an entrepreneur. My biggest concern is not finding clients. Then, it’s the financial side of it all. I’ve used to get money in my bank account every month. I don’t have enough confidence to find clients; if you don’t have any, you can’t pay your bills. Registering your company is the easy part. What comes to having a business is a different matter. If I had a better portfolio, things would be easier.

That little puddle of pride takes a bump in the confidence department. But I have to believe in myself and find a way to overcome the uncertainty. If I don’t become an entrepreneur, I might regret it later on. I only need to find the right time to start.

Bloganuary: Nothing to be scared of

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woman looking scared
Photo by Moose Photos on Pexels.com

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Bloganuary 2024

I wouldn’t call it being scared, but becoming an entrepreneur is worrying. I’ve been to a course about it and researched about it. But the course was some years ago. I still haven’t gotten around to it. It’s a big step to take and many things to think about. You can’t claw your way to success. At least I don’t have it in me. What worries me the most is the financial prospect of it. The other is if I have enough skills to run a design business. I don’t have work experience in the field I’ve studied. I don’t even know what kind of services I want to provide. I don’t know if I can ask the right questions and if I fulfil clients’ requests. Even getting clients is a worrying thing. Networking is not my strongest suit, and neither is my portfolio. I only have schoolwork there. I don’t have any family or friends for whom I could do projects to fill it. I’m like a fish out of water compared to others. Many graphic design entrepreneurs have the same services and much more experience than I do. How can I compete with that? And they are younger too. They also show their faces, which I don’t want to do. It won’t help much if someone says I should do it because I’ve tried, but there never seems to be enough time to start.

If I got a part-time job, I could run a business on the side, but it is a different matter if I have the strength to do it after work. If I had a job, I would at least get paid. The trouble with having a job is getting up early in the morning. As an entrepreneur, you can have your own schedule and don’t need to go anywhere. You also don’t need to endure the pain of applying for jobs. If it was easy to find a client, becoming an entrepreneur would also be easier. It’s more challenging when you don’t have a great portfolio. The business owner makes it look so easy, but the truth isn’t as easy as it looks. Maybe I need more confidence in myself. I didn’t think entrepreneurship would be for me, but not finding a job has changed that thought. The other reason why I started to think about it was when I worked with clients during web design education in 2017. I could do the projects at my own pace, which felt good.

I should claw myself out of this insecurity and just do it, or I’ll regret it. I only need to get a grip on myself. I know I don’t want to be without work forever. Life must be something more than just being without anything to do. If no one else won’t give you a purpose, then you should give it to yourself.