My meander thoughts

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Recently my brain has been on holiday. I don’t feel like thinking about what to do in the Autumn. Besides the filming course at Helsinki Design School. I’m indecisive, so my thoughts can meander in my head. What I felt at the beginning of the year was not the same. It’s still summer, and my brain is too tired to think about anything serious. My summer plans are already done. I saw Duran Duran and Toto yesterday. Some photos from the concert are below.

I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I don’t know what kind of job I want to do. Time moves so fast. The last time I had a job was 2 years ago. That was a lifetime ago. I get all kinds of suggestions on LinkedIn, but they’re all wrong. The demands in work ads are impossible. I don’t know if I want to do any graphic design work. I might have studied the subject, but it doesn’t mean I can do any of it. I am not motivated to practise the topic because the job search is complex. Becoming an entrepreneur isn’t easy, either. Many of them have photos of themselves online, which I don’t want to do. One is enough. I don’t know if it’s mandatory or not. I can’t find any answers online to that question. I’m a bit disappointed with social media. No matter what I post, I have to like my own posts. How sad is that?! Or I don’t know. At least posting there isn’t a waste of time. Promoting your work online is crucial for an entrepreneur, but I don’t get many likes on my personal accounts, either. Besides, most people only like posts but don’t become clients.

I’m also disappointed people don’t get as excited as I am about the things I experience. Maybe it isn’t anything glamorous and just boring to them. Maybe my interests are just different from others. That’s nothing new. On Facebook, I only post for my own amusement and to fill my memories spot. It’s always nice to see what I did a year before or some years ago. Sometimes I wish my mind wouldn’t be so meandering, but what can you do? It’s a part of my personality, and I shouldn’t stress too much about it.

Blowing one’s horn

Musicians blowing in traditional German horns
Musicians blowing in traditional German horns by Markus Spiske is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Blowing my own horn is not my thing. That must be one of the reasons why I can’t find a job. I don’t know how to brag about myself. It’s also a Finnish thing. We’re not good at it. It’s also an introvert thing. We don’t want to brag about ourselves and make ourselves something special. We like to be low key. But that doesn’t seem to be acceptable in the world. You’re nothing if you don’t want to blow your own horn. It shouldn’t be that way. We should be allowed to be ourselves and not pretend to be something we’re not. Some people seem to have problems with quiet people. Only because you don’t want to be a blabbermouth doesn’t mean you’re strange. Listening to people talk about things you don’t care about is stressful. Noisy people have the same effect.

Because I don’t want to blow my own horn, I don’t know if I could be a good entrepreneur. You need to be a lot of different things. A marketing person, a salesperson, a public speaker and someone who doesn’t give up easily. Most importantly, be good enough at what you do. Maybe it’s only me who thinks I’m good at something. Perhaps the reason why I won’t get hired is that I’m not good enough. They instead take someone with natural talent. I don’t have an impressive portfolio, and I don’t have what the employers are looking for. I’m not confident in blowing my own horn. No matter what I post on social media, I get some likes and sometimes nothing. If I don’t get much attention in my personal accounts, how can I get it on the business one? If I get any comments, it’s usually spam. I wouldn’t trust anyone. I feel it’s unnecessary work if I promote things on social media. It’s not easy to be ignored as a job seeker or/and an entrepreneur. I don’t know how to say something about myself or what I can do. At least when it comes to making it to words. It’s incredible how things disappear from your head when you should think about them. It has nothing to do with memory problems. I tend not to think about complicated stuff like that.

Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong path when it comes to careers. It seems you need to blow your own horn because the competition is tough. There are so many people in the design business, and I don’t know how to stand out. Maybe my destiny is to be without a job. I never wanted an ordinary job, but it has backfired. Only because I don’t know how to blow my own horn.

Bloganuary: Living boldly in my head

up in the ski jumping tower
Ski jumping tower in Lahti, Finland by ©️Mia Salminen

Day 11. I’m not boldly at all. A lot of things scare me. I’m always being careful. Once, I fractured my left hand when I slipped on ice; after that, I promised myself I never wanted to get hurt that way. All of my hobbies have been safe. I’ve slalom skied, but even then, I wasn’t boldly. It’s better to be safe than sorry. You live longer too. Not that I want to live until I’m 100. People think you need to be bold to feel you’re alive. Everyone doesn’t want to live in danger. I don’t believe in this; live each day like it was your last. There are many things I haven’t done, but I don’t feel I’ve missed anything. How can you miss something you never had? I don’t regret things. What is done is done. There have been experiences I wish I didn’t have, but I have learned from them. For me, living boldly means doing it in my head. Everythings in there goes the way I want.

In certain things, I wish I was bold. I’ve thought since 2018 about becoming an entrepreneur in design. I even went to a course about it. I still haven’t started. It’s fear of losing free time and money problems. What if things don’t go anywhere, and then I have no security. Some say it takes years to become successful. I’ve had doubts about my ability to have a business. I skipped the idea and thought about looking for a job instead. But nothing has come up, so I’m starting to think about the entrepreneur thing again. The thought about working at home and not having to go anywhere sounds good in my head. The reality is different. There is a lot you need to do to get your business out there. You need to stand out. I don’t have anything new to show. I don’t think I’m that good. There are many more experienced people out there. I don’t know what kind of services I would have. You need to be bold and know how to promote the things you create.

My boldness comes from small things. Driving a car or a bike in traffic. Daring to learn new things. Going to concerts which I didn’t do when I was younger. You don’t need to be a daredevil to feel alive. Being boldly in small doses is just as good.