Sometimes I hate it when I’m too slow. Especially when it comes to making decisions. Even getting up early in the morning is slow. The bed feels so comfy, and of course, I go to bed so late. I don’t have any reason to get up early, so maybe that’s the reason why I sleep late too. I’m not a morning person anyway. The only fast movement I have is neither walking nor cycling. Other times it’s just slow.
Every day I think I’ll wake up early and do things. But when it comes to it, I don’t do any of it. I’ve thought about starting something on my own in my professional life, but I still haven’t done much. It’s been 4 years since my web design education. It’s been two years since the graphic design in Helsinki Design School, and about 3 years since the course about entrepreneurship. I bet all those former classmates had done something during these years. They have probably become even better at their job because they have had a chance to practice. Before I wake up, half the day has gone. I have no motivation to make up my own projects. I’m not even sure what kind of creative work I want to do. Every graphic designer does the same things. I mean, how many graphic designers do, e.g. branding and identity for small and big business? Looking at what graphic designer do, in the end, it’s all the same. They’re only much better than me. People probably would say this about my designs, “even I could do that” That’s what one said about my photography once. Why pay for the service when you can do it for free yourself. I don’t even know what my style is. Nothing special doesn’t sell. I feel like crap when I see people’s work on Instagram who studied or studying at Helsinki Design School. My ideas just aren’t good enough.
A slow movement is better than being rushed. If you’re doing things fast, the result might be bad. I don’t know why people must be in a hurry in the first place. You shouldn’t stress about things, because then no one enjoying themselves. I don’t like waiting, but you don’t need to be in a hurry either. If things happen or don’t happen, it shouldn’t be the end of the world. Maybe I’m just a laid-back person, and these things don’t stress me as much as it might be with someone else. It can worry me for a while, but I get over it after a moment. See, what I wrote earlier in this post, I’m already over it 😉
I just can’t catch a break, can I? It’s nothing bad or anything like that. It only feels long shadows are following me whatever I do. Especially when it comes to education and job search. They say you should study, but what is the point when you’re not giving a change in the working world. You need job experience, but then internships are not one of them. Maybe that’s the problem, I only have them and that one part-time job. I can never find any jobs to apply to because they need people with experience. I haven’t had the time to do any job search since my dad still needs certain help. I have tried to look at jobs ads, but I haven’t found anything to apply to. Writing cover letters is not my favourite thing. LinkedIn is a weird place to look for a job. I get quite silly suggested from job alerts too. Jobs that I don’t even have training for. I wouldn’t search for a job there anyway. I did apply for one, but it was a bit strange. I didn’t even know if it was real.
I wrote about this in this post. It’s about Helsinki Design School, where I studied both photography and graphic design. They asked former students about what they have done after school. So far, none of my schoolmates has come up in the student’s stories. Most of the stories so far has been about interior designers and visual designers. There have been some photographers and graphic designers too. They write about, e.g. networking and about the pros who teach there. Well, I haven’t had any of that. Especially in the photography course in 2014-2015. Maybe it has become better after I went there. It was new at the time. There were a few students who were disappointed. They didn’t get what they were looking for. I didn’t either, but I didn’t expect anything special. I’ve probably forgotten all about what was taught there by now. The same probably goes with the graphic design one in 2018-2019. Former students who have studied in school have found their strengths during their education, but I haven’t. I’m still looking. So in that way, I am disappointed at the education. But also I got something out of it. It doesn’t get me a job, but still, I didn’t want to study something for 4 years when I already had for 2. Graphic design is not science, after all. I am a bit envy of the former students who have had the courage to become entrepreneurs. If you have clients already, it’s much easier to start.
I think I want to be my own president because then I can be my own boss. I wish I was brave enough to start something on my own because I wish I didn’t have to stress about the job search. I’m not an actor so I can’t be something the employers expect me to be. This month is ending soon but the year is long, so we’ll see what will happen.
Since I started this blog in 2014, I have posted on January 1 and this year is no exception. It’s time for a fresh start in 2021. Or where we left off. There is nothing much to look forward to for me. Except for the Elton John concert in September. Let’s hope so anyway. It was postponed last year because of the covid thing. Which is still going on, by the way. Some people seem to have forgotten. So wash your hands, stay away from crowds, wear a mask and so on. You should know the drill by now.
I never make new years resolutions. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I usually start doing things in March. In January and February, I only think about what to do but I never seem to get things started. I don’t know about the driver’s license thing. There are times when I think I might need it but then again not. I’m most concerned about passing the tests. I don’t I get passed the first time. The money might go to that the most. That’s what happened over 20 years ago. I also live in a city where places are close by so I don’t really need a licence. If I want to go somewhere I can ask dad for a lift. I don’t go to places where I need a car in the first place. I don’t know if it’s worth paying for. I have gone without a license for this long. I was more thinking about my dad getting older and he doesn’t want to drive long trips. I don’t want to own a car but you can still have a license. I really have to think about it.
I didn’t think about writing about this but there is no harm in saying it. I have written about becoming an entrepreneur many times on this blog. I wouldn’t want to do it full time yet but there is something called light entrepreneurship. I already registered up for one last year. I also have a business Instagram and a Facebook page in the making. But the problem is what kind of services I want to provide. So far I thought about graphic design and photography. I thought about web design too but it’s not what I’ve studied. Sure, I did but the real world web design is too technical for me. I don’t have enough of the material of my work. At least nothing good enough to get clients. There are people who have done it for years and I have only school material to show. It’s just so much work you have to do to become an entrepreneur. The marketing and all that. I don’t know if I want to bother. But then I have to do all the job search things and that’s not easy either. There are monsters in both ways. I wish I didn’t need to do anything. But I don’t want to be one of those who are afraid to work.
We’ll see what 2021 will bring. It’s still early days. So happy new year and that was my first post of the year.