Repost: What I value in friendships

friendships
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I’m old enough to know what I value in friendships. I haven’t been that lucky with that. From my past experiences, I’ve learned what I don’t like in a friend. I’ve written about friendships before on this blog. You can find a few links about it at the end of this post. I have a few precedents of it, so I know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing is honesty. A person who pretends to be my friend and then find someone else has no place in my life. I had a friend in school like that. There were days when she chose that other girl to spend her time with. I was just a substitute when she had a disagreement with the other one. With honesty, I don’t mean you should judge someone by the way they dress or something like that. Honesty is telling you they have another friend and not pretending they want to be your friend. I rather be told they don’t want to spend time with me than being ignored. It hurts more than honest words. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, they shouldn’t pretend to be so. Fake friends are easy to find. It’s the honest ones you have to search for with cats and dogs. If you had bad experiences of friendships, it’s no wonder you don’t want to get close to anyone or let people in your life.

I value respect in a friend. Someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend doesn’t tell others how to dress or trying to look a certain way. Friends should respect others opinions and don’t start a fight over something they don’t agree with. We can’t always agree, but you shouldn’t stop being a friend because they don’t agree with you. They shouldn’t talk crap behind your back. A true friend doesn’t makeup rumours. I don’t know if my so-called friends made up some rumour, and frankly, I don’t care. They had no respect for me because if they did, they wouldn’t have ignored me. A friend who spreads rumours is no friend. Maybe their own life is so empty, so they have to make up things. Respect is also about supporting a friend in their life choices. If it’s about careers or relationships. A friend doesn’t put you down and saying you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what it takes. Being supportive is true friendship.

Trustworthiness is important in any relationship. If you can’t trust a friend, you can’t really be a real friend. I don’t remember if I ever told anyone a secret, but that’s not the only way to lose trust in a person. If a friend pretends to be a friend but still doesn’t have any respect for you, you can’t confide in that person with anything. The risk can be that the person tells the other friend what you have told your friend. So you keep things to yourself instead. Once you lose trust in a person, it’s difficult to get it back. Sometimes it’s lost for good. It’s better to find new friends than trying to get the trust back. I’m happy I didn’t need to have these people in my life. I went to a Finnish Swedish school, and when I got a Finnish only school, I didn’t see the old classmates anymore. I haven’t had any problems like this in my adult life. I’m just more careful when it comes to friendships.

I don’t deny my past experiences haven’t affected my life because they have. It hasn’t made me weaker, though. Actually, it’s the opposite. The problem is not about trusting people. It’s about finding someone who has the same interests. Or at least have something in common with. I haven’t found anyone like that in real life. They always seem to be on a different wavelength than me. A true friend is someone you can confide in. They don’t judge you, and you can say anything to them without having to worry; they don’t want to continue the friendship. When I meet new people, I always have to think before speaking so I don’t say too much. I wish I wouldn’t need to worry about that. Since I never had a friend who stands by me no matter what happens, I don’t really know what that’s like. Maybe I find that kind of friendship when I’m really old. Friendships don’t see age. In life, you never know. A friend can appear from anywhere. In this case, patience is a virtue.

Old posts of friendship
Partner in crime
Nothing on the horizon
Hey, fake person

Originally posted: Published 2018/06/25 at 9:52 pm

Soon I can drive your car

car tire on the road
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You read it right. I am now going to driving school. I didn’t need to start all over, though. I only need to go to the risk recognition training program. It’s online. Then I need to take the theory test. When I pass that, it’s driving in a simulator and then with a real car. Then it’s only the driving test left. Soon I can drive your car. Sounds easy but it’s not really. I have to pass the tests too and I don’t know if I do them on the first try. 26 years ago I had to take the theory test at least 10 times, and the driver’s test 3 times. It was different then. It was all done on paper and the driving lessons were only with a real car. We also had a book to read. The driving school was also in two parts. Now it’s only one. You had to sit on a bench (a chair more like it) in a class and listen to the teacher. Now you can study in your own time. There are 4 hours of theory, 2 hours of driving in a simulator and 2 hours with a real car. I’ve now done 3 theory lessons. Before driving, I need to pass the theory test. Fortunately, you can test your knowledge online before going to the real test. I’ve tested it once and I got 66% right. That’s far from passing a test. In multiple-choice questions, you need 11/15, the picture questions 43/50 and risk recognition 4/5. The driving test is not as nerve-wracking as the theory test, because I’ve done it before so I know what to expect.

There is a lot of driver’s who thinks they own every road. They break rules and they think they’re racing drivers. Being someone who has seen the other side of the road, so to speak. The one’s who use public transport, cyclists and pedestrians. I know what kind of driver I don’t want to be. I can see things from their perspective. I’m an ideal driver. I don’t drink, do drugs, I’m not a risk-taker and selfless. I also don’t use my mobile while driving either.

When I get my license, I don’t need to buy a car. I can use my dad’s. He’s not allowed to drive anymore. He’s given me lifts all my life, so now it’s my turn to return the favour.

Surviving the week

surviving sea turtle baby on sand
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Another workweek is done. Now I’ve been at the job for a month. Because of the coronavirus, it hasn’t been longer than that. Now it’s about 2 months left of the contract. I’m already counting the days. It’s been surviving the week. If it wasn’t from the nice colleagues I wouldn’t want to be there. There is not much to do. At least not this week. It’s always quiet at the beginning of the week. A lot of events have been cancelled so there isn’t much to report. The job is internal and external communication. One of the tools is WordPress so at least I get to use the block thing. Not having nothing to do is another thing but the worse part is waking up early. It has never been my thing. I also don’t like going to places. There are days I wish I didn’t have to go anywhere. At least not early in the morning. When you have to make up early, you have to go to bed early which is the bad part. Then you get confused when the weekend comes. Last Saturday I woke up and saw the time being over 7 am so I thought I’ll be late for work. But then realised it’s the weekend and went back to bed. Then on Sunday, you have to go to bed early so the weekend feels really short. Sometimes I wonder if this job really is worth it. At least you get paid something. I also get job experience even though it’s not in the field I want to be in. It hasn’t really been what I wrote about the job.

Days shouldn’t be trying surviving the week at work. Many people stay in their jobs for years which I don’t want to. I want to move on from things I don’t feel motivated to do. Is your life really worth it if you stay at something that bores you? Unfortunately, some people don’t have a choice and they have to be in a job if they like it or not. They don’t have a safety net and get help to their money troubles. I’m glad I don’t live in the States, for example. I would probably be homeless or something. You shouldn’t settle to your destiny. People who have worked where I am now haven’t found a job so they come back. That’s something I want to avoid. I don’t know if I even want to work for someone because then you have to go by their schedule. Working from home has entered my mind. I just hate hurrying. When I was studying web design and we had on the job learning. I could choose my own schedule and the freedom of not having to go anywhere was much more fun. Now it just feels forced and routined. It just isn’t for me. Now I will get through the months that are left of the contract and then we’ll see what will happen after that. At least we get free coffee and something sweet or salty to eat on Fridays at work. The best part is though the people you meet and the great people you work with. Without the atmosphere there, the surviving the week would be much harder to handle.