The dread of teamwork

game tokens with one apart
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There are two things I dislike the most. One is job search, and the other is working in a team. I dreaded teamwork in school. Pupils shouldn’t be allowed to choose their teams. It’s always the friends that get picked, and that’s not real life. You can’t decide in a workplace who to work with. When you’re a child, you need to learn that you have to work with people who aren’t your friend. No matter how they look like or what kind of people they are. No one should be left out of a team. That’s what a team should be, accepting differences.

Everyone who has looked for a job knows what the employers are looking for. They want someone who can work in a team. I can work in one, but I rather do things alone. I never know what to say in teamwork. My mind goes blank. I don’t know what’s worse. Teamwork or working in pairs. I have had bad experiences with both. In a team, there are other people to please. With one person, you must be the one who starts the conversation. You should never put two quiet persons to do work in pairs unless they know each other. I had to once, and nothing came out of the work. In those situations, I rather do assignments alone. Then I can choose and do what I like.

You would think adults would have grown out of choosing their friends for their team. In some of the schools I’ve been to as an adult has had the same problem. The teachers let the students choose their teams, and of course, they take their friends to their teams. If you don’t have anyone who even wants to talk to you, teamwork is awful. You would expect when you’re in primary school (elementary school) things like that would happen, but not in adult educations. I have had some good teamwork too, but when having bad experiences, I’m not very crazy about it. I don’t mind working in a team as long as you’re not treated as an outcast. You might not be the one with the ideas, but still, you should feel you’re part of the team. Teamwork shouldn’t be something you dread because that’s a skill you need. Some things you can’t do alone. You can, but it makes the work harder. I hope one day my bad experiences will fade from having more good ones. Maybe then my dread of teamwork will go away.

Taking the train to somewhere

inside a train
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There are many ways to travel to places. Besides going by bus and by car, I’ve mostly travelled by train. The problem is that it isn’t cheap. It’s a faster way, but if the bus is cheaper, I rather take that. No matter what way I travel, I can never sleep very well. Unless I’m exhausted. It’s the sleeping sitting up, even if you can turn the seat a little. The first time I travelled alone by train was when I was 17 when I went to study in another city. Or it was in a small town. It wasn’t fun to travel there the first time. I had no numbered seat, so I had to move to another one. The train was full, and I had things with me. I had to walk around on the train, trying to find an empty seat. I had to stand for the rest of the trip. Carrying all those things and then trying not to fall. Those trains weren’t as steady as they’re now. Luckily I always found a seat when I went home over the weekend. It was the 1990s, so you had to buy a ticket from the train station. Since I was a student, I had a series ticket, and if you wanted a numbered seat, you had to reserve it by phone. I didn’t want to do it since I didn’t like talking on the phone, so I rather sit where it was free. Today there are mobiles and apps to do all those things, so it’s much easier. I don’t use apps when it comes to buying tickets. I don’t really trust them. If I go somewhere, I buy the ticket via the computer and print it out on paper.

The best about taking the train is watching the view pass by. I’ve travelled by train early in the morning and seen the sunrise. Seeing it feels different on the train. I’ve seen a misty morning. The fields look like they’re cooling down, and smoke rises up from the ground. It’s a beautiful sight that is difficult to describe if you haven’t seen it yourself. You can’t really get the same feeling when you’re going by bus. My least favourite thing about trains is when they are crowded. Once when I studied in another town, I had to change trains. They were usually quite empty in the morning, so I thought it was strange that many people were in it. A moment later, I realised I was on the wrong train. I had to get out of it on the next station. Luckily the right train came behind the wrong one. If I hadn’t noticed I was on the wrong train, I would have got late for school and been in the wrong place. That was quite an adventure that time of the morning. I didn’t make the same mistake again.

I haven’t used the train for a while. If I had gone somewhere, I’ve taken the bus, because it’s cheaper. Next time I might take the train is when I’m going to see Elton John concert next month. The problem is, will it be moved to next year again? If you buy a train ticket, you can’t get your money back. Or it will be difficult to. If the concert will be on, they should inform about it as soon as possible, because the earlier I get to buy the train ticket, the cheaper it is. When it comes to public transport, the schedules are the concern. That day, the last train leaves after 8 pm, and the concert will be much longer than that. There won’t be any buses going either. Maybe I should stay at a hotel, but that isn’t cheap either. I won’t be driving there, because of different reasons. Whatever I chose, I rather go by train than a bus. Sitting on a bus for two hours isn’t good for my legs. I need to have them straight from time to time, or I will feel uncomfortable. So choo, choo train it is.

Repost: What I value in friendships

friendships
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I’m old enough to know what I value in friendships. I haven’t been that lucky with that. From my past experiences, I’ve learned what I don’t like in a friend. I’ve written about friendships before on this blog. You can find a few links about it at the end of this post. I have a few precedents of it, so I know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing is honesty. A person who pretends to be my friend and then find someone else has no place in my life. I had a friend in school like that. There were days when she chose that other girl to spend her time with. I was just a substitute when she had a disagreement with the other one. With honesty, I don’t mean you should judge someone by the way they dress or something like that. Honesty is telling you they have another friend and not pretending they want to be your friend. I rather be told they don’t want to spend time with me than being ignored. It hurts more than honest words. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend, they shouldn’t pretend to be so. Fake friends are easy to find. It’s the honest ones you have to search for with cats and dogs. If you had bad experiences of friendships, it’s no wonder you don’t want to get close to anyone or let people in your life.

I value respect in a friend. Someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend doesn’t tell others how to dress or trying to look a certain way. Friends should respect others opinions and don’t start a fight over something they don’t agree with. We can’t always agree, but you shouldn’t stop being a friend because they don’t agree with you. They shouldn’t talk crap behind your back. A true friend doesn’t makeup rumours. I don’t know if my so-called friends made up some rumour, and frankly, I don’t care. They had no respect for me because if they did, they wouldn’t have ignored me. A friend who spreads rumours is no friend. Maybe their own life is so empty, so they have to make up things. Respect is also about supporting a friend in their life choices. If it’s about careers or relationships. A friend doesn’t put you down and saying you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what it takes. Being supportive is true friendship.

Trustworthiness is important in any relationship. If you can’t trust a friend, you can’t really be a real friend. I don’t remember if I ever told anyone a secret, but that’s not the only way to lose trust in a person. If a friend pretends to be a friend but still doesn’t have any respect for you, you can’t confide in that person with anything. The risk can be that the person tells the other friend what you have told your friend. So you keep things to yourself instead. Once you lose trust in a person, it’s difficult to get it back. Sometimes it’s lost for good. It’s better to find new friends than trying to get the trust back. I’m happy I didn’t need to have these people in my life. I went to a Finnish Swedish school, and when I got a Finnish only school, I didn’t see the old classmates anymore. I haven’t had any problems like this in my adult life. I’m just more careful when it comes to friendships.

I don’t deny my past experiences haven’t affected my life because they have. It hasn’t made me weaker, though. Actually, it’s the opposite. The problem is not about trusting people. It’s about finding someone who has the same interests. Or at least have something in common with. I haven’t found anyone like that in real life. They always seem to be on a different wavelength than me. A true friend is someone you can confide in. They don’t judge you, and you can say anything to them without having to worry; they don’t want to continue the friendship. When I meet new people, I always have to think before speaking so I don’t say too much. I wish I wouldn’t need to worry about that. Since I never had a friend who stands by me no matter what happens, I don’t really know what that’s like. Maybe I find that kind of friendship when I’m really old. Friendships don’t see age. In life, you never know. A friend can appear from anywhere. In this case, patience is a virtue.

Old posts of friendship
Partner in crime
Nothing on the horizon
Hey, fake person

Originally posted: Published 2018/06/25 at 9:52 pm