To skedaddle or not, that is the question

green exit sign
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To skedaddle or not, that is the question. It’s so easy to escape from things and places so you don’t have to face them. You stop thinking about it or you think you do it some other time. When I was younger I wanted to skedaddle from things that didn’t interest me. Or maybe it did interest me but I was too shy to approach the matter. I had mild anxiety and the only thought I had was to escape from the situation. One of those was about taking a blood test. Once I didn’t go even if the doctor gave me a referral to one. I still don’t like needles which is the reason why I wouldn’t donate blood. Hospitals are also places I want to skedaddle from. I can visit them but being a patient is something else. You want to skedaddle from things that give you anxiety or if you have had bad experiences. For me it’s hospitals. I’ve visited them so often when I was a child (my big sister was sick) so I’ve had enough of them. Luckily I’ve only been as a patient twice and those were awful experiences.

Giving presentations is also something I didn’t want to do. I hated those times in school when I had to stand in front of a class that I didn’t even like. I felt they were mocking me silently and it felt uncomfortable being stared at. I just wanted to skedaddle but somehow I got through with the presentation. In later years, I discovered if the audience was familiar and they were actually nice people, then giving a presentation wasn’t that bad. I still wouldn’t give speeches in front of strangers though. Unless it’s people I know somehow and they’re not that many.  Presentations are much better than group work. I rather do that. Of course, it depends what kind of group work it is and with who. I think you gain more confidence in giving presentations if you do it often. Practice makes you better.

In life, there are things that make you want to skedaddle because you feel insecure. Especially young people who haven’t had enough experiences can feel anxiety to certain things. I’ve been there and I did leave a place without even telling anyone about it. That’s something I wouldn’t do today. Even if I sometimes have the feeling I want to skedaddle, I don’t. I face my insecurity and meet what is coming at me. If there are problems ahead you should face them as an adult. Only kids run away from conflicts or things they feel uncomfortable about. I wouldn’t want to go back to the person I was when I was younger. The feeling about wanting to skedaddle from places or situations is not a nice one. Staying and facing them is a better option because, in the end, things can’t be as bad as you thought.

What I value in friendships

friendships
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I’m old enough to know what I value in friendships. I haven’t been that lucky with that. From my past experiences I’ve learned what I don’t like in a friend. I’ve written about friendships before on this blog. You can find a few links about it at the end of this post. I have a few precedents of it so I know what I’m talking about.

The most important thing is honesty. A person who pretends to be my friend and then find someone else has no place in my life. I had a friend in school like that. There were days when she chose that other girl to spend her time with. I was just a substitute when she had a disagreement with the other one. With honesty, I don’t mean you should judge someone by the way they dress or something like that. Honesty is telling you they have another friend and not pretending they want to be your friend. I rather be told they don’t want to spend time with me than being ignored. It hurts more than honest words. If someone doesn’t want to be my friend they shouldn’t pretend to be so. Fake friends are easy to find. It’s the honest ones you have to search for with cats and dogs. If you had bad experiences of friendships, it’s no wonder you don’t want to get close to anyone or let people in your life.

I value respect in a friend. Someone who accepts you for who you are. A true friend doesn’t tell others how to dress or trying to look a certain way. Friends should respect others opinions and don’t start a fight over something they don’t agree with. We can’t always agree but you shouldn’t stop being a friend because they don’t agree with you. They shouldn’t talk crap behind your back. A true friend doesn’t make up rumours. I don’t know if my so-called friends made up some rumour and frankly I don’t care. They had no respect for me because if they did they wouldn’t have ignored me. A friend who spreads rumours is no friend. Maybe their own life is so empty so they have to make up things. Respect is also about supporting a friend in their life choices. If it’s about careers or relationships. A friend doesn’t put you down and saying you’re doing it wrong or you don’t have what it takes. Being supportive is true friendship.

Trustworthiness is important in any relationship. If you can’t trust a friend, you can’t really be a real friend. I don’t remember if I ever told anyone a secret but that’s not the only way to lose trust in a person. If a friend pretends to be a friend but still doesn’t have any respect for you, you can’t confide in that person with anything. The risk can be that the person tells the other friend what you have told your friend. So you keep things to yourself instead. Once you lose trust in a person it’s difficult to get it back. Sometimes it’s lost for good. It’s better to find new friends than trying to get the trust back. I’m happy I didn’t need to have these people in my life. I went to a Finnish Swedish school and when I got a Finnish only school, I didn’t see the old classmates anymore. I haven’t had any problems like this in my adult life. I’m just more careful when it comes to friendships.

I don’t deny my past experiences haven’t affected my life because they have. It hasn’t made me weaker though. Actually, it’s the opposite. The problem is not about trusting people, it’s about finding someone who has the same interests. Or at least have something in common with. I haven’t found anyone like that in real life. They always seem to be in a different wavelength than me. A true friend is someone you can confide in. They don’t judge you and you can say anything to them without having to worry they don’t want to continue the friendship. When I meet new people I always have to think before speaking so I don’t say too much. I wish I wouldn’t need to worry about that. Since I never had a friend who stands by me no matter what happens, I don’t really know what that’s like. Maybe I find that kind of friendship when I’m really old. Friendships don’t see age. In life, you never know. A friend can appear from anywhere. In this case, patience is a virtue.

Old posts of friendship
Partner in crime
Nothing on the horizon
Hey, fake person

Advent Calendar, Day 13

two lit candlesToday it’s Saints Lucy’s day. She brings light to the darkest time and it also means Christmas is near. We had a Saint Lucy procession in school today. It’s a tradition in Scandinavia where one is chosen to be Lucy. She wears a crown with candles or electric ones. She’s usually blonde but these days it’s not that fussy which is a good thing. Anyone should have a chance to be one no matter what the color of their hair is.

The Finnish celebrations have been historically tied to Swedish culture and the Swedish-speaking Finns. They observe “Luciadagen” a week before the Winter Solstice. St Lucy is celebrated as a “beacon of brightness” in the darkest time of year. The first records of St. Lucy celebrations in Finland are from 1898, and the first large celebrations came in 1930, a couple of years after the popularization of the celebrations in Sweden. The St. Lucy of Finland has been elected since 1949 and she is crowned in the Helsinki Cathedral. Local St. Lucies are elected in almost every place where there is a Swedish populace in Finland. The Finnish-speaking population has also lately begun to embrace the celebrations. – Wiki

When I was in kindergarten I wasn’t allowed to be Lucy because my hair was too short. It went to my friend instead. But years later I got be one at home at Christmas. I borrowed an electric crown from a friend. I had a real candle in my hand and sang a traditional song ‘Sankta Lucia’ I read out something and then sang another song. It was much more fun only performing in front of my family. I was glad to be Lucy at least once.

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