Feeling thunderous inside and you want to scream
But you don't want to make people wonder
Thunderous before the calm
You try not to say it out loud
Keep it inside and hope the feeling goes away
So many things can make you mad
Thunderous before the calm
You can write down your thunderous feels
It's better than keep it all inside
Thunderous before the calm
Some things are just there
Be calm and let the thunderous go by
Day 25. As Kelly Clarkson sings, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I am much stronger than I was when I was a teenager. Life experiences make you stronger. If I hadn’t gone through the difficulties I have, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. No one’s life is perfect. You learn from your mistakes, and you grow as a person. What makes me feel strong is knowing that I have survived so far. I wouldn’t want to be the person I was. The people I’ve met in the past and the people close to me that have left this earth has made me the person I am today. People who hurt me didn’t leave me bitter. I should thank them for ignoring me and making me feel worthless. It wasn’t my fault. I was only the person I was, and I didn’t pretend like they did. I learned not to care what other people thought about me. They didn’t have any effect on the choices I have made. They couldn’t spoil my life if they thought that. They were only cowards who had low self-esteem. I learned from the experience that no one could treat me the way they did again.
Listening to music has always been a good escape from bad things. I usually don’t listen to the lyrics that carefully, but sometimes I find songs that make me feel stronger. It’s not only music that makes me feel like that, but also entertainment in general. It doesn’t matter if it’s TV or movies. I couldn’t live without them. It makes the time goes faster too.
I feel strong too when I write. In English, mostly. If it’s blogging or writing fiction, it makes me feel better. I’ve got better at it. That’s the only thing I feel confident in. It depends what I write, though. If it’s for a job search, then not so much. I’m more into making up stories and sharing my thoughts about something. Doing things you love makes you feel strong. Other times it wouldn’t be as fun.
That’s what Human League sings in the song “Human”. It’s an 80s band if you didn’t know. I’m not a robot who can’t show emotions. Right now, I’m upset. Nothing works. I can’t play Angry Birds on Facebook. Grammarly doesn’t check my spelling on this post. But then it does it again. I can’t stand it when things don’t work. I should take a deep breath and calm down, but still, I don’t. I can’t help being emotional. Sometimes I just want to scream. And maybe cry. There are so many things that irritate me, and most of those are other people. Especially stupid people. Those who with no common sense. Were they dropped on the head as a child? Or maybe their parents were just dumb. Stupid people get stupid kids. It must be difficult to be stupid. Then again, some are so stupid, they don’t know they are. The world is full of them and other idiots too. As long as you don’t sink to their level. There are smart people in the world too. Stupidity comes in many forms. People who think they’re clever are actually stupid.
It has been proved during the Covid. Some people think the whole pandemic doesn’t even exist. So people just get it, and some die just for fun? They probably believe in conspiracy theories. JFK wasn’t murdered. Man didn’t walk on the moon. And those kinds of things. They act like spoilt brats. They don’t want to wear a mask. They don’t want to keep their distance. They want to live the way they always had. They have become somewhat obsolete. A shame it’s mostly young people. How selfish can someone be anyway? I hate people who only think about what is good for them. How can someone be so in love with parties, and being with friends, not caring at all? The attitude toward this disease is still arrogant. Do they think this vaccine will make it all go away? If we don’t all work together, Covid will be here for years. Should we need to tide young people to their beds or what? Covid is such a nice thing to have. Let’s not care at all. If we just close our eyes and wish it will disappear. So what if old people die? They gonna die anyway. If you live in denial and selfish like that, it will come back and bite you. Karma is a bitch. In Finland, we don’t have a curfew, but maybe soon we will. I think only young people should have it. They are the ones spreading the disease with their stupid parties and gatherings. Decent people shouldn’t need to suffer because certain people don’t care about anything else besides themselves. Sometimes I’m ashamed of humankind. Its unbelievable people like this are alive.
Yet again, I’m wasting my time on this. No one cares if I post this on Twitter. No likes my latest photos on Instagram again, so I have to like my own posts. Why do I bother anyway? It’s not a question; it’s an observation. They should have an edit button on both Twitter and Instagram. Whatever, hashtags don’t help. I still get nada likes. At least I get likes on WordPress from time to time. So bored with social media. I also put LinkedIn on private, so at least I can keep up with things I’ve studied and work. I’m not surprised people get depressed. Using social media makes you feel even more lonely. The best cure is to write your thoughts down or try to find someone to talk to. Sleeping helps, too, if you’re feeling down. Deep depression is a different thing, which I don’t have. Hang on there. It can’t last forever. Enjoying the small things because big things are harder to digest. Best of luck to you all.