You can call feelings anything you want but I call it instinct. I mostly do things by following my instincts. It’s a reason why I do things slowly. Feelings does have something to do with it though. For example, I got a feeling things won’t go the way they should but it’s also an instinct that it’s actually gonna happen. It doesn’t have to be anything bad. Maybe it’s telepathy but sometimes I thought the same thoughts my parents had. Especially with my mother. We could have said something out loud, the other had thought about. It’s kind of strange but I guess it’s a family thing.

Everyone goes through what they want to do when they grow up. Choosing the right career is easier than for some. You neither follow your heart or your head but I follow my instinct. I know what suits me and what I like to do. But finding it in the real world is difficult. There’s always something in the way and then I give up. What is the point of trying, if your instinct says it’s not the way to go? Sometimes I tell it to shut up but it doesn’t listen. I don’t have the guts to continue pursuing my dreams. You shouldn’t give up, just because someone says you can’t, right? I like being in my comfort zone. I wish I could be braver but when I try, I get back to my shell. I’m surprised I haven’t become a total loner who lives away from society. I don’t know how I can succeed in anything that contains human beings. I’m good with people as long as I don’t have to interact with them. That doesn’t go very well with the education I have chosen.

I probably have to think things through once again. I don’t seem to find my place in anything. My instinct is being really negative. These days you have to advertise yourself, making a brand. For a person like me, it’s not the easiest job. When I read experiences from others about what kind of degrees they have and everything there is to do, they still have no job. What if I become one of those? Education of different kinds and still no one hires you. That’s a destiny no one wants to be in. If you become self-employed, you need to do everything yourself. If I find it hard to find clients now when I study, I wonder how it’s gonna be in real life. I don’t dare to think. I don’t have a social circle and not much luck with anything really. One thing I do have, is support. From my father and friends online. Without that, I would be miserable. My instinct says I should be patient and that’s what I’m gonna be.