I finally got a confirmation that the graphic design course is really gonna happen because even if I knew it will, I still couldn’t believe school awaits.
Maybe I should stop using social media altogether. I don’t get much reaction very often from what I post there. It feels like walking in the shadows. Not even a single silhouette of me. It’s like talking to a wall or myself. Then again talking to myself isn’t bad. How could I have an intellectual conversation otherwise? A lot of people post things I don’t really care about. Comparing my life with theirs, at least they have an exciting one. Nothing much happens in mine. Social media can be a very depressive place. If you feel down, it’s better to avoid it altogether. I rather do something else than be online.
They say you can use social media in a job search. Oh really? It doesn’t work for everyone. LinkedIn is quite overrated too. I’ve only got one message from a recruiter and that was last year. I think using your energy to something else is a much better choice. Maybe it can work for some but I’m walking in the shadow where no one notices no matter what I do. My network only got 5 people which is even less effective. Apparently, I’m not that interesting to recruiters. But that’s no surprise. They say job search is like dating but I have no luck in that either. At least I’m not alone. A lot of other people have the same problems.
Self- employment is the other option. What worries me about having an own business, is how can I find clients, if my personal account doesn’t get much attention? Getting yourself out there shouldn’t be this hard but what can you do when there are a thousand of others trying to do the same.
I wonder if I chose the wrong occupation, design (web and graphic). There are not many job offers for someone who hasn’t had that much experience. Young people who started in their teens with design versus someone who changed careers at 30 something. Who gets the job? The young person because they’re the future obviously. That’s what the employers are looking for. It’s not just design but photography as well. You must be quite good to get hired. With my skills it’s impossible. I’ve tried to practice drawing lately but I feel it’s a lost cause. Honestly, I’m not that excited about drawing. I would definitely not get a job where it’s required. At least not with this one I drew last night.
My father is a good drawer so he said practice makes you better but I don’t think that works for me. You need the passion for it. I wish I could be as excited about it as I am in fan fiction writing. Other jobs seem so boring. At least in design, you can do the job anywhere. Whatever others say, this is my final decision and nothing will make me change my mind. Then again, that’s what I thought about photography too and that failed.
If I didn’t have this blog and support from you, the reader, I wouldn’t have the motivation to keep going. I would feel useless and untalented. I would probably be suffering from depression if I let negative thoughts enter my mind. I might feel down for a while but unlike depression, it’s just a passing feeling. I don’t want to be famous, I just want someone to believe in what I do. Walking in the shadows should be temporary but no one seems to have the courage to speak up. I rather hear negative comments about my skills than hearing no comments at all. But they don’t need to be criticising. You can say things nicely. If no one never gives advice or comments about what they like about your work, how can you get better? I just want to know if I really have the skill I think I have. I don’t want to continue something I have no future with. That goes with anything life has to offer.
Recently on The daily post in daily prompt, there’s been words that are kind of hinting. Words like Believe, Risky, Ascend, Loyal and now Brave. It’s like they are trying to tell me something. All of those words have a meaning when it comes to job search. You need to believe in yourself and be loyal to your goals. Without some risk you’ll won’t get far. You want to ascend to the next level of your life and not get stuck. Most of all you need to be brave and that’s where I lack it. Sometimes I do feel brave though. Like when I went to see Robbie Williams this summer. From my point of view that is a brave move. I didn’t back down like I usually do. I just took the chance and went. I’m not into big crowds but it wasn’t as bad as I thought. I ended up having a really good time. I wish I could be brave like that more often.
Back in 2015, I wrote a post about my job search. Some things have changed since then. Like the photography and job search campaigns thing. The latter I skipped altogether. When you looked through a lot of job ads, they’re soon coming out of your ears. I can understand why some unemployed think job search is useless. I hate the writing part where you have to explain yourself why you’re the one the employers are looking for. Especially when I have to write them in Finnish. My mother tongue is Swedish so it shines through in my writing. At least that’s what my web design teacher told me. I’ve always thought my Finnish writing was alright but now I feel insecure. Maybe the reason why I haven’t got even an interview is because of the writing. I have got into education despite that so it can’t be it. Finnish is not the easiest language so it’s not that easy for Finns either. If I keep looking to work for someone else, all my skills I’ve learned so far will go to waste. Honestly, I’m getting fed up with this whole job search thing. The gaps in my work experience are probably too high but at least I wasn’t totally lazy. I did have those clients when I studied web design so I do have some experience in the field.
I don’t really know what to call myself anymore. Yesterday I did something I didn’t think I would do. I applied for an education for a graphic designer in the same school where I studied a photographer degree, Helsinki Design School. Applying doesn’t do any harm. If I don’t get in, it doesn’t matter. I’m still looking for work and if I did find one, I could still go to school. Some say this school is a joke and that the degrees don’t mean anything. Even though I didn’t get a job in photography, I still experienced things I wouldn’t normally do. Employers might not see the degrees worthwhile but in the end, it’s the skills of people that matter. I think in Finland, certificates are too important. Especially in design. There are different ways to educate yourself and you don’t need to go to fancy schools to learn. Jealousy is a problem in Finland. If you have taken a simpler route to design, you get the look you’re not good enough. They don’t say it out loud but you know they mean it.
I see younger people’s work in design and I feel I’ve no chance in the business. I feel like Chandler Bing in Friends when he changes jobs and he started to work in advertising where all these young people worked. He felt so old and thought he didn’t have a chance. In the end, he did get a job there as a manager or something like that. In real life, you can’t get a job that easily if you have no experience or education. Employers are so into thinking about the future so they hire younger people. But how much do these 20 something know anything about life anyway? Of course, they should also get a chance but experienced shouldn’t be disregarded either. I wish I had the power to hire unemployees who’s been rejected for different reasons. But that’s too much for one person to handle. Being the employer is no piece of cake either.
As for what to call myself. I want to do something more than just designing websites. I wonder what people think of long job titles. How about web designer/photographer/graphic designer. Just designer doesn’t say much. It still feels weird to call myself a designer. They say you should stand out of from the crowd and that is it. I can do more than just one thing. The whole standing out is a bit strange. Aren’t we all a bit different in some way? I for sure hope there’s no one like me out there. I couldn’t handle two of me. At least I have been brave enough to be different and not walk the same path other people expect me to. I’m going all the way and it doesn’t matter what others think. Always follow the path you’ve chosen. That’s what I call bravery.