Envy is one of the seven sins, but it’s also something you feel when you see someone succeeding better than you. There is good envy, and there’s bad envy. I don’t think I’ve ever had that bad envy feeling. I can be happy for another person. There is no point in fighting against something you know you’ll never win. It’s better to concentrate on your own things. You should stop comparing yourself to others, no matter how hard it might be. Some things are not meant to happen, and some things might happen later.
What makes me most green of envy is creative talents like illustrators and graphic designers. Even professional photographers. They make it look so easy even if it’s not. If I practised more, I could get better at it, but there are so many other things to do so I don’t have time. At the job I’m doing right now, there isn’t any photography. We use photos from Pixabay or any other photography place. Maybe I get to do that someday. I’m not that excited about taking photos like I was a few years ago. On dull days at work, I wish I was somewhere else. Mondays and Tuesdays are quiet, so I could be doing something else. I wonder why I even bother waking up early.
I’m green with envy when I read about how someone has started a creative business after their education. Like in Helsinki Design School. I’m both envious and admire their courage. Their work is good too. I feel like an amateur when it comes to coming up with ideas and how to make them a reality. I haven’t really done any graphic design since school in 2019. I don’t have enough confidence to start something on my own. Instead, I have to work somewhere else. But maybe this is a learning process. I get used to working with others and maybe learning something new on this journey. But right now, it feels like I won’t make it 8 months in this current job. Especially when I have to wake up early. I would rather stay in bed and start working when I feel like it. I made my bed, and now I have to lie in it.
Some might be green with envy of me, but they shouldn’t because we all got our strengths, and we should use them to help those who don’t have the same skills. Everyone can’t do everything, and it’s meant to be that way.
Adding to this old post on May 31, 2022. Some might feel a little envious that I will see Duran Duran in concert on Thursday, and on my birthday. Also, some might envy Finland for becoming world champions in ice hockey on home turf, and therefore breaking the curse. The end.
Creativity comes in many forms. You can be creative even if you think you’re not. Creativity can be things you do daily. Even thinking about what to eat for lunch or dinner is creativity. The creativity I’m going to write about is creating something from scratch. Creativity is the key to happiness, so here I go.
For as long as I remember, I’ve had a good imagination for storytelling. Mainly in Swedish and English. I never seem to get any ideas for writing in Finnish. Now I only write things in English. It’s more fun, and I’ve learned the English language simultaneously. I also watch a lot of movies and TV shows in that language. Being creative makes me happy. It’s a plus side if someone likes what I write. Otherwise, I wouldn’t post them online. I wish I could have the same enthusiasm for graphic design that I have for writing. I can make up stories, but I can’t write news, so I couldn’t be a journalist. Creativity is no fun when you don’t know what or how to create things. It feels like there are people who are much better at it. A portfolio is an essential thing if you want to work in design. But mine is lame because it doesn’t have any work I’ve been paid to do. But how could I have any when I don’t even get internships? I can’t come up with made-up projects either. My imagination is primarily fictional, but only when I write.
Some are more creative than others. It can also come and go. One day you feel creative, and the other, you’re not. You can’t force it. When I don’t know what to write if it’s blogging or fiction, I do something else instead. I plan things in my head before I write them down. Then there are times when I have a lot to write about. It depends on the day or the mood I’m in. My creativity style is emotional. If I don’t have the “feel”, I don’t do anything. Without inspiration, no one can do anything. If everything is said and done, there is no point in forcing yourself to be creative. I could say the same about this blog post. I’m out of creativity right now. I leave it to another day.
When you’re a person who likes to do more than one thing in their life, narrowing them down is the hardest thing. Sometimes I wish I could narrow my interests, but I’m not that kind of person. I could have achieved so much more if I had only concentrated on a few things. It feels like time is running out, and I don’t have time to do anything. I need to have time to be lazy too. I thought I wanted to be one thing, but my interests got somewhere else. That’s how my life has been. So many choices but so little time. Maybe one of the reasons why I have had so many problems with decisions is that I think the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps I’ve been too unrealistic with what I’ve wanted to do in my life. It isn’t a lack of support from other people. I subconsciously don’t dare to do things because I’m too scared of failing. Or maybe I’m just too lazy. It can also be like that because I failed many times, so I don’t want to go through it again. I know when you fall, you get up again, but still, I don’t get anything done.
I could have narrowed things down, but I like to be versatile. I never wanted to have an ordinary job, so it was difficult to know what to study. When I finally do, that’s not enough either. The reality is that some people are narrow-minded, even if they might think that they aren’t. Their opinion is that you need to have specific education and a certain amount of job experience to be good enough to be in their little group known as ‘their business’. You need to be a student or have an amount of experience to even get an internship. Neither way, you can’t gain experience if you’re not allowed to practice your skills in a job. I’ve started to believe I’m not meant to be a graphic designer. At Helsinki Design School, where I studied some years ago, I didn’t get the encouragement I expected. I got the assumption that I’m only average compared to the others. One time I got feedback on a poster I made about my city from one of the teachers. I should have done some research, and she wouldn’t have put it on her wall. I know my town, so there is no need for it. I just think she didn’t understand my style. One opinion doesn’t make me believe I’m bad at graphic design. Drawing isn’t my strong point anyway. It makes you think twice, though. It’s the same with photography. I doubt my skills in that too. Seeing other people’s work doesn’t help me either. It’s a little depressing. It makes me think I’m not good enough at anything. It feels like I’m an outcast and don’t belong to this creative business club. Maybe I have wasted my time and life thinking I have what it takes to be a graphic designer. Or any other job where design is concerned.
It’s a positive thing to have knowledge of many things instead of only having one narrow one. Both have a good and a bad side. If you know about many things, it’s also more challenging to choose between them. If you have a narrowed skill, it’s easier to improve that. Either way, both are needed. If there is something you can’t do, there is always someone who can. I only wish someone could have some use for my skills in the workplace, but I guess there isn’t. Too bad for them.