Tag: indecisive

Dreams and goals are two different things

MiaLeave a comment
Last subject in the Filmmaking course

How do you plan your goals?

Daily Prompt

As it happens, we talked about dreams and goals on the last day of the filmmaking course. Listening to my classmates’ goals, I felt like a pirate on land. My goals aren’t anything cool. I wish I could be brave and do something about it, but I’m stuck in a moment. If I was younger, I could start all over again. I feel like a loser compared to my classmates. They weren’t interested in me anyway. Maybe I’m a boring person or something. They were friendly to me, but only a ship passed by. Or a pirate ship, arrr. I was sad when they didn’t even ask if I wanted to accompany them after the day. I wouldn’t have gone anyway, but it would have been nice to be asked. They probably wouldn’t even hear me or even care. I won’t see them again, so it’s bygone.

My goal wasn’t to get into the movie business. It was only something I was interested in. Education is never wrong. Getting into a film school is too complicated. I don’t want to study for several years. Maybe the diploma is not a big deal for others, but I’m glad I went. Dreams and goals are two different things. I don’t plan goals too far ahead because my mind is indecisive. Big goals have never come true, so I have small goals. It won’t dream big either for the same reasons. This filmmaking diploma is a completed goal. I finished all the assignments on time, and I took part in every school day. Here’s another feather in my pirate hat.

Diploma

My next goal begins in October when I start an education about digital marketing. I hope to find something else to do too, but that’s uncertain. I don’t feel optimistic about getting a job. Even internships are hard to find. No one is looking for one, it seems. My goals and dreams are dashed once again. But you manage somehow because you’ll be wasting your life if you give up. If people gave up their dreams and goals, many things wouldn’t happen. You need to keep the faith.

The junction of my work-life

MiaLeave a comment
two paths
Photo by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

🎵I don’t know where I’m going. But I sure know where I’ve been🎵 Here I go again by Whitesnake

It’s uncanny how time has passed again. February already, and I’m in a junction what to do. I wouldn’t say I have a work-life because I don’t. I’m going on Wednesday to update my job-hunting thing. I don’t know what else to call it in English. I’m gonna meet a person to do it. I don’t know what my plans are. Looking for work is looking for a needle in a haystack. Why are they forcing me to apply for jobs where there is none. At least in the field, I’m looking for. I already sent an open application to all the companies I wanted. They didn’t need anyone. At least not me. I didn’t study the things I have to apply for a job I haven’t studied for.

I need to work in a place where they let me be away for a few days from time to time. I’m in school, and then I have concerts to attend. I bought the tickets ages ago and booked a few hotel rooms. I can’t cancel the concert tickets just because the employer doesn’t let me go. It would be easier if I were an entrepreneur because I wouldn’t need anyone’s permission. Being unemployed is restricted. You’re not allowed to do what you want. Well, you are, but then you have no security regarding money. I’m glad I don’t live in the US, or I would probably be living on the street. Our system is more secure. Most people get some kind of benefit, perhaps one of the reasons we don’t have many homeless people. Here in Finland, we take care of people. Most of the time, anyway.

I know where I’ve been and don’t want to return. I look forward. I don’t want to stay in the same junction where I am right now. I need to choose one path and then follow it. My mind is all over the place at the moment. Somehow I’ve always been indecisive because I want to do many things. I also don’t want it to be something that bores me. Life is too short to do things that you don’t like doing. Money hasn’t been my motivation. I only need enough money to pay the bills and maybe travel. In a way, I understand people who don’t want to work, but I can’t understand someone who wants to live with the money they get from benefits. You don’t work for the money. You work because you want to belong somewhere. Besides, having something to do during the day and seeing other people is better than being alone without experiencing anything. The reason I do things is to get life experiences. Hopefully, I would find that in a job.

Narrowing down is the hardest thing

Mia2 Comments
two yellow lines on asphalt
Photo: Andrew Martin Pixabay

When you’re a person who likes to do more than one thing in their life, narrowing them down is the hardest thing. Sometimes I wish I could narrow my interests, but I’m not that kind of person. I could have achieved so much more if I had only concentrated on a few things. It feels like time is running out, and I don’t have time to do anything. I need to have time to be lazy too. I thought I wanted to be one thing, but my interests got somewhere else. That’s how my life has been. So many choices but so little time. Maybe one of the reasons why I have had so many problems with decisions is that I think the grass is greener on the other side. Perhaps I’ve been too unrealistic with what I’ve wanted to do in my life. It isn’t a lack of support from other people. I subconsciously don’t dare to do things because I’m too scared of failing. Or maybe I’m just too lazy. It can also be like that because I failed many times, so I don’t want to go through it again. I know when you fall, you get up again, but still, I don’t get anything done.

I could have narrowed things down, but I like to be versatile. I never wanted to have an ordinary job, so it was difficult to know what to study. When I finally do, that’s not enough either. The reality is that some people are narrow-minded, even if they might think that they aren’t. Their opinion is that you need to have specific education and a certain amount of job experience to be good enough to be in their little group known as ‘their business’. You need to be a student or have an amount of experience to even get an internship. Neither way, you can’t gain experience if you’re not allowed to practice your skills in a job. I’ve started to believe I’m not meant to be a graphic designer. At Helsinki Design School, where I studied some years ago, I didn’t get the encouragement I expected. I got the assumption that I’m only average compared to the others. One time I got feedback on a poster I made about my city from one of the teachers. I should have done some research, and she wouldn’t have put it on her wall. I know my town, so there is no need for it. I just think she didn’t understand my style. One opinion doesn’t make me believe I’m bad at graphic design. Drawing isn’t my strong point anyway. It makes you think twice, though. It’s the same with photography. I doubt my skills in that too. Seeing other people’s work doesn’t help me either. It’s a little depressing. It makes me think I’m not good enough at anything. It feels like I’m an outcast and don’t belong to this creative business club. Maybe I have wasted my time and life thinking I have what it takes to be a graphic designer. Or any other job where design is concerned.

It’s a positive thing to have knowledge of many things instead of only having one narrow one. Both have a good and a bad side. If you know about many things, it’s also more challenging to choose between them. If you have a narrowed skill, it’s easier to improve that. Either way, both are needed. If there is something you can’t do, there is always someone who can. I only wish someone could have some use for my skills in the workplace, but I guess there isn’t. Too bad for them.