For an extrovert doing things is a small step but for an introvert it’s a giant step so think again before you say how easy things are.
Tag: introvert
Sometimes I feel so…. Worthless
Maybe I should make this a habit. Every, let’s say every Friday, I have a theme beginning with ‘Sometimes I feel so….” and then I write about that subject. But then again when I think about it, maybe I run out of ideas. That happens a lot. I’m just not good with keeping up a schedule. I just feel worthless. Which where I now come to.
The worthless part shows its ugly head when I’m suppose to do something important. Even making a phone call makes me feel I’m not up to it. No matter how I try to prepare, it always backfires. Things work in my head but when I should them, I just give up.
Last time I felt worthless were some days ago. I was supposed to go to a few companies and ask for a work practise place. It’s like to get to know a profession and see how they work. Too difficult to explain in English. Anyway, it’s part of the career coaching thing. So I went there and I just couldn’t do it. I lost my nerve like I always do. I don’t know why I make it so difficult. I just can’t walk inside a company just like that. If that’s awful, calling a stranger is no walk in the park either. It’s also an introvert thing. If there’s a technology I could live without, that’s a phone. I could just use email to contact people.
I feel so worthless when I try to write a CV or a job application. I don’t know how to write about things I’m good at. Before you could just write what you’ve studied and so on but now you have to explain why you’re good at something. It difficult to make up the words and especially when it feels like you’re not good at anything. You can’t judge your own skills. I admire those who can. Reading those job ads and trying to understand what the companies really want. ‘What can you offer us?’ it’s one the most difficult questions. ‘Why should we hire you?’ is another. It would be easiest just to say ‘I don’t know’ to both but that’s not helpful if you want a job.
Back to the work practise. I found a couple of interesting companies online. One is about photography and the other is about video advertisement. I emailed them first because that’s the way I can handle things better. It worked before so why not now. I got a reply from the video one almost immediately and the email said I would contact this person. So today I thought of calling. I kept thinking what to say. My problem is I think too much. I’m too worried I’ll be misunderstood or something goes wrong. When I finally picked up the courage, there were no reply. It was quite late so I didn’t try again. On Monday it’s gonna start all over again. I just feel so worthless I can’t make calls to strangers. The reason is not just about introversion, it’s about lack of practise. It seems so easy for some to call to places but I’m such a coward. I really I hope I will get to make that call or I’ll miss my chance. Trying to get another place feels almost impossible.
Luckily feeling worthless is just temporary. Some suffer from it a longer time. Once you get over that feeling, you feel you really are worth it after all.
I am a true introvert
I found this test on Pinterest where you could test if you’re truly an introvert. There’s no doubt about that. Introversion is not a disease or a disability though. Or a person from another planet. That’s what it feels like when I read articles or somewhere on the internet where it’s written about it. It’s part of your personality. You can do anything an extrovert can. It just takes time to get to know an introvert. People doesn’t seem to understand that. If you tell them you’re an introvert, they’ve already decided what kind of person you are. I guess that’s the reason I’ve never had any real friends. Also because I have nothing in common with people. But that’s has nothing to do with introversion. I just haven’t met the right people.
You would think introversion would be an advantage in the work environment. Hard working and multitasking. But people expect you to be outgoing all the time. Introverts are not scared of people, they just don’t waste their time socializing. They’re there to work. Being social doesn’t mean you have to talk. Maybe extroverts lack that ability, to listen and be social at the same time.
I didn’t go to that school reunion after all. I didn’t bother going. Paying for a train or bus ticket and then socialize with people I barely know. Besides I only travel to the capital (Helsinki) if I really have to. I ignore that place like a plague. That city is just too big for my taste. I got lost once (almost twice) and that wasn’t a pleasant experience. Asking for direction is really difficult for an introvert. It takes a lot of courage. When I did, that person couldn’t even give me a straight answer. “It’s that way’ he said and pointed. What does that mean anyway? I had to call my dad for advice what to do. I was in panic and I thought I never find my way to the bus station.
For some introversion can be a burden but for me it’s not a problem. I like going to the movies by myself. I like doing things by myself. Then you don’t need to ask permission and you can do what you want. Even though sometimes company would be nice. Being alone doesn’t kill me. It just makes me stronger.
Introverts should be proud of who they are. No one should tell you how to be. There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s other people’s attitudes that is the problem.
In my world 