Alone in my solitary

man looking over citySolitary, the power for an introvert. People think when you’re alone, it means you’re lonely. Introverts aren’t more lonely than extroverts. You can have people around you but still feel lonely. Loneliness has nothing to do with introversion. Being around people is stressful. I rather be alone than trying to impress other people. I like being around people but there are a time and place for everything. I live in a city where solitarily is easy to find. You don’t even need a car to get there. The best place is in the woods and the other is a beach in early spring or early autumn. In a solitary place, you can think without distractions by other people or sounds. When you’re alone you can do anything without having to ask for permission. That’s the reason why I like living alone. I’ve had a few room mates when I’ve studied and it was hell. They were nice and all that but living with someone else is not my cup of tea.

For me, it’s very important to be independent. If I didn’t live alone I would have to consider the other person’s needs. More importantly, share the remote control. If I had a room mate they would bring their friends or boyfriends over and I would never be left in peace. Now I can walk around naked if I wanted to. Some people want a room mate so they wouldn’t be lonely and they could share the expenses. But I rather pay more than share a flat with someone else.

They say being alone is not good for your health. But for me it’s the other way around. I get stressed if I’m not alone. I don’t like being in a crowed place. Noisy people are the worst. Why some people have the urge to talk in a loud voice is something I’ve never understood. Have they lost their ability to talk at a lower volume? I’m not surprised the kind of music people listen to so there’s no wonder they can’t even hear their own voices anymore. Some love their voice so much they can’t stop talking. The best time is when there’s no noise at all. That’s better than meditating.

There are people who are afraid they’ll never find anyone so they even use dating services to find their Mr/Mrs Right. What’s so wrong being alone anyway. Some people are meant to be alone. If you feel lonely, get a pet. You don’t need to cook their meals, wash their clothes or any other things you need to do for another person. I like being alone in my solitary. Sometimes it would be nice to have someone but that thought is short-lived. Looking at other people’s lives, my options are so much better.

Tallenna

Tallenna

Tallenna

One on one vs Group talk

conversation
Source: http://marketingland.com

Introverts understand that one on one is prefered better than a big group. Especially if there are extroverts in them who keep talking. It’s also very noisy if there are more groups than one. This is common in team work.

I don’t get it how some people can talk about anything that comes to mind. I always think before I speak because it’s a waste of time talking about nothing special. The best conversations are one on one, with a person you know something about. Even better if it’s with a person who likes the same thing as you. With total strangers it just feels weird. If you don’t have anything in common, it’s more difficult to have a decent conversation.

What I dislike the most is when I’m the one who has to start a conversation. That’s unnatural for an introvert. It’s different when I talk to someone I know. If it’s not, I just want to get out of there or do something else. This what has happened during the career coaching. Group work with a bunch of people who doesn’t even talk to you at other times. Particularly if it’s pair work. I hate that. I’m not able to come up with anything if the other person doesn’t start the talking. All there is this silent awkwardness.

If it’s group work, it should be at least 4 people in it. Then there’s always someone saying something. They shouldn’t be best friends either because then they could have inside jokes or just leave you out of the discussion. There is one positive side of group work though. You hear other thoughts and not just from one person. One person know one thing and other knows another.

The truth is, the best conversation is not in a group or one on one, it’s the conversation you have in your own mind. Who knows you better than yourself. You can think what you like without having to hurt someone’s feelings. If someone heard those conversations, they would probably understand where you’re coming from. Or they may not. Some conversations shouldn’t be said in public. People are not as open-minded as you would think. Sometimes you need conversations by yourself.