Why do I even bother?

sheldon cooper gif
Source: https://are-you-for-serial.tumblr.com/post/123562914844/can-i-get-some-of-those-united-nations-headphones

Got another rejection in the job search. “We have looked at your application but you’re not the one we’re looking for” Not exactly those words but close. I don’t know why I bother applying for jobs. Why should I strain myself with writing applications? It doesn’t matter what I write, I still get nothing. I can’t understand how people waste their time writing hundreds of applications. It’s a waste of time and energy. No wonder people get depressed. Being rejected by anyone is not nice. I rather use my time doing other things than writing applications that only makes my head spin. I don’t even think I study new things to get a job anymore. I study for my own amusement because what else can I do. Job search is like dating. People say “you’ll find someone too” which is the same “you’ll find a job too” I wouldn’t hold my breath I would say to both.

It seems I won’t get a job as a web designer and I won’t get a job in graphic design. Open positions don’t show up every day in that field. I wonder how someone gets hired who have no common sense. Or people who can’t park their cars, bike, electric kick scooters or any other vehicle in the right place or between the lines in a parking lot. Or they can’t close the gate or door behind them. It’s usually people who are incapable of doing daily things by themselves. Maybe they’re just good at lying in job interviews or any other skill to get hired. You either need to be very lucky or be a fake person to get a job. At least in this country. Especially if you’re an introvert with no job experience in your field, you’re officially in the rejection pile. And you have gaps in your work experience. If I was mentally weak, I would too have difficulties to cope with my joblessness. Getting another rejection letter (email in this case) just bounces off my shoulders. I knew I wouldn’t get chosen for the next step anyway so I’m not that surprised. They were probably looking for someone in their 20’s who have just graduated from school. Not someone who’s over 40 who just have graduated from an education. Just as well. I rather move on. I wouldn’t have been up to the job anyway.

I don’t fit in any company. I have the personality of a toilet brush, for starters. Joke aside. I’m a loner who’s not very good company when it comes to being social with a co-worker. That’s what employers are looking for mostly. A person who socialise but at the same time have skills of a superhuman. Who’s living in a dream world, huh? People with jobs have no real idea of how it is to be unemployed. Unless they’ve been one themselves. These days you can’t just go to a company and you get hired right there and then. That’s not how it works. Before judging the unemployed, people should look at the bigger picture. Telling someone to get a job doesn’t help at all. It’s so easy to blame the unemployed when there is much else to it. I have no personal experiences of negative comments but I’ve read a lot of those on the Internet. I feel really annoyed for them who has to hear it constantly. Some people can’t even do any job. They have allergies or other physical problems. Like people with jobs, all unemployed are different.

If people want to write job applications for any job, then so be it. But I only apply for a job I’ve studied. Call me picky but I call it having standards. I see no point using my energy to search for a job I know I’m not qualified for. The quality is more important than quantity when it comes to job search. You only get stressed if you’re forced to look for any job. Job search is unfair. People with connections have a better chance to get a job than someone who hasn’t. It shouldn’t be that way but that’s how it works. Apparently, you can find connections but I don’t know how that really works. I think it’s awkward to get in touch with a person you never even met. This thing about branding yourself to get your dream job is unnatural. Since when have humans become products? If you have your own business, then branding is good but in a job search, I think not. Then only the young and the beautiful will get a job. Why do I even bother with this whole job search thing? It’s too complex when it shouldn’t. I better just be unemployed for the rest of my life. But that’s a destiny I’m not gonna accept.

Which way to go and it can not be ephemeral

next step with chalk
Made in Canva. Photos from Pixabay.com

Here I am again, thinking about what to do next in life. It’s summer so I don’t really want to think about it. I applied for a job but I doubt I even get an interview. I just hate when people want to define you from your application and they only want what benefits them. Applying for jobs is just that. Trying to impress people who probably don’t even care. They expect you to dance to their tune. When I make a decision about what the next step might me, it’s usually ephemeral. I wish I could stick to something in the long run but I’m too indecisive. I didn’t expect my education in Helsinki Design School to open any new doors but I didn’t want it to stop everything again either. I feel I already studied everything I wanted and now I want to practice what I’ve learned. I don’t even know if I learned anything. It was the same with web design. I learned these things in school but when the real world came, I was totally lost about what to do. It’s not like I’m operating on people but still, it makes me nervous. Not even getting an unpaid internship doesn’t help the matter.

I’m never been good with decisions as I’ve written in this blog many times before. I have the attitude, I can do it tomorrow, but I never do. Then it’s suddenly been 2 years or so. People who are younger than you get the opportunity because you hesitated. Getting out of your comfort zone isn’t easy in practice. It’s easy for someone else to say it to you than actually doing it. There are thousands of tips online about how to make faster decisions but they’re no use to me. I can’t do it anyway. It’s easy to choose about what movie to see or what to eat, then making decisions what you want to do with your life. There are people who have studied in Helsinki Design School and they started their own business. During studying there. If not with their own business but other successes. I wish I could have been one of those people but I never got around doing it. But I couldn’t concentrate on two things at once. That’s one of the reasons I never worked during any education I’ve been in.

I’m not even sure I’m ready to be on my own but what can I do if I can’t find a job. I’m tired of doing nothing and not having any near future plans. It should be my decision to do what I feel and not waiting for acceptance from other people. There are many ways to do things and you don’t need to do everything anyone else does. I want to make a decision that isn’t ephemeral. I want to stick to decisions that are long-lived.

Graduate in patterns

Graduate patterns
Made in Canva. Background photo by me (Mia)

It seems I’ve only been a graduate and nothing much else. I haven’t got a job even if I studied a lot of things. I see patterns here. Maybe I’m just meant to be a graduate. I’m not getting any younger and soon no one definitely doesn’t want to hire me. The last time I was a graduate was two years ago in web design. It’s really sad people only recognize you if you have job experience. I have at least done something. Maybe people think I’m just lazy and useless. I don’t feel that myself. I studied because I want to learn new things and because finding a job in this country is impossible if you’re an introvert. You’re not appreciated either if you haven’t been to a certain school. If it’s not an official qualification that has been approved by the Finnish National Agency for education, it’s not a real education. It shouldn’t matter because it’s what you can do that count. Especially if it’s a creative occupation.

There is a lot of bias against certain schools and one of them is Helsinki Design School. Next time I graduate is in June which is soon. Just because it’s not an official qualifying, employers don’t appreciate it at all. I don’t think it won’t change this time either. I studied photography there in 2014-2015. One of my fellow students went to a job interview once and was laughed off. Some attitude from that employer. It’s a private school which isn’t very common in Finland. It’s still an education where you learn things. People in Finland probably think creative jobs are science fiction where you need to be a professor to succeed. But it’s actually not that hard. It’s a real shame you’re not given a chance to prove yourself if you’re not highly educated. If someone has the time and money to get a master’s degree (or whatever), then let them but I don’t want to learn the same things several times. I already studied a 2-year qualification and educations longer than that are too long.

I’m not made for a job that doesn’t require creative thinking. I’ve tried office jobs but they bore me to tears. My aim has always been on the creative side. When I read about people suggesting to other people to find a new occupation I scream inside. I haven’t even started the current one. Some people can stay at their current jobs as long as they wish but I will rather be without one. At least I can be myself and not having to be in a workplace where you don’t even fit in. A lot of people have jobs they don’t like but need to stay to earn money. They don’t have time to study new things because life gets in the way. I might have been in many graduations but I also not stuck in my ways. Studying in general is good for your mind. When you graduate from something you feel you’ve achieved something. That’s the biggest award you can ever get.