Here is to hope

rainbow in the horizon
Made in Canva

Maybe I’m being unrealistic but there is always hope no matter how bad things get. If I didn’t have it I would probably not be here today. You need hope to get through with life. If you give up too easily when things get tough, hope will be pointless. I have experienced loss and grief but having hope to move on has helped me get through them. Having too much hope can also make you feel blue when things don’t go the way you want to.

Having so many disappointments can make you bitter but it can also make you look at things differently. I’ve expected too much about the educations I’ve had. I thought I would have at least more work experience but no luck. Educations don’t seem to help anything. Finding a job is the only thing I’ve lost hope for. Only young people seem to get internships. On one workplace they had these young interns and they get to work with real projects. People like that will always get a better chance that I ever will because I lack experience. I feel like a loser because I’m not wanted anywhere. It seems that you’re too old even when you’re under 50. I don’t know what job I’ve good for. Even now when I study graphic design it feels like I’m an amateur. Some people seem to get all these great experiences and I’m still running in circles. Nothing much as changed in 10 years. I don’t even want to look what’s on offer because I know in advance I won’t have a chance. You need 3 or more years of job experience and skills I don’t have. I’ve been stupid for believing education would help to get a job. Internships don’t mean anything. But that’s better than nothing. Some don’t even have that. Still, having studied hasn’t totally been in vain. I’ve learned things I didn’t know about before. Learning new things is good for your mental health.

I hope to find some solution to these dilemmas in life. I don’t want to be someone who gives up hope because of someone else. You should enjoy the small things of hope. For me, music is one form of hope. If I feel down I listen to songs that cheer me up. It’s incredible how effective music is. It takes all the worries away. Here is to hope, cheers. 🍸

No one speaks my language

greek writing on a wall
Made in Canva

I speak 3 languages, Finnish, Swedish and English. I also speak sarcasm but most people don’t get it so I don’t use it very often. I just roll my eyes. There are so many stupid people out there who you can roll your eyes to. Or simple people but stupid is a more powerful word. Like in Pet shop boys song, ‘I’m with stupid’, “Is stupid really stupid or a different kind of smart?” Everyone does stupid things sometimes but some take it too seriously. For me, stupid is not being able to do the most simple things like closing a gate or switching a light off. Unless you’ve have some kind of disability and you can’t do those things. People with no common sense are usually the stupid ones. Or maybe it’s just ignorance. People who only think about themselves are also stupid and there are a lot of those. Sometimes I get the feeling I’m the only with a brain. Others are just headless hens running around.

It feels no one speaks my language. I always felt I’ve been misunderstood. Not about what I say but what I am about. People judge you by only looking at you or meeting you and then think that’s what you are. But there’s more than meets the eye. It seems people’s intelligent stops there after they’ve met you. That’s one kind of stupidity, giving up on you too soon. I don’t know how people find any friends in the first place. Maybe I just haven’t met them. I never seem to have anything in common with people. Now even in Helsinki Design School. I don’t think I’ll become friends with any of them. When the education is over that’s it. The same happened last time I went to this school. Maybe I’m just too boring to become friends with. But whatever. It doesn’t hurt me much. It’s better to be alone than be with the wrong people. I don’t need more drama in my life. It’s much nicer to meet new people anyway and not get stick with old ones.

Being rejected by other people doesn’t hurt as much it hurt to be rejected by a job. Not getting that internship still bums me up. Especially when they still have the opportunity open. The interview went well from my part. It was unpaid and still, they didn’t want to give me a chance. Maybe it’s an age thing. It was meant for young people. I know it’s old news that I didn’t get it. I moved on but still when I think about it, it sucks big time. If I can’t even get an unpaid job, how can I get a paid one? In the dark moments, I think of giving up the whole job search and live on well-fare for the rest of my life. But I don’t want to wait for an opportunity that will probably never come. Rejections can make you feel you’re not good enough to be hired. It’s the stupidity of the employers where the fault is. They expect too much and judge a person by how they act in the job interview. If you get one that is which is probably the most frustrating thing when you don’t. I will never succeed in job interviews because I can’t be something I’m not. Therefore, I’m not fit enough for their company but it’s probably not meant to be.

It’s really other people’s problem if they don’t speak the same language as me. I understand myself and that’s what matters. There is always someone who tries to change the person you are. But it’s their stupidity and it has nothing to do with you.

Like searching a needle in a haystack

needle in a haystack
Made in Canva

Another Monday and another week. That’s how life goes. Tomorrow it’s Tuesday and soon it’s weekend again. What to do during that week is like searching a needle in a haystack. It helps if you got a job or a school to go to. Or you have a family. Then you know what you’re gonna do. But if you have none of those things your life can be a bit boring. You read or hear you can do something about it but does it really work for everyone? Everyone isn’t born with a golden spoon in their mouth. Or have the courage to do just anything. Sometimes things don’t come to you no matter what. One of them is job search or applying to a school. A lot of people fall under the radar because they don’t get anywhere. Especially a young person should have something to do when they graduate from compulsory education. They need someone who can show them in the right direction. A parent or a professional instructor.

I’m very thankful for my mother and my instructor in 9th grade that I applied to something after school. I didn’t want to at first but now years later I’m glad I did apply. It was health care studies that lasted a year. In a way I’m been lucky by getting into these educations I applied for. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t. My resume would look a lot emptier. Unfortunately, my efforts have no value for others. At having done at least something isn’t good enough. You need to be superhuman to get a job it seems. It’s even harder if you’re an introvert. It’s discrimination if you ask me. You need to be outgoing, talkative and over positive. There is still a lot of myths about introverts that extroverts believe in. You would think in a country like Finland, an introvert would have it easier but it’s not. There’s a lot of assuming. People think you’re quiet all the time just because you gave short answers in a job interview or that you’re not talkative as soon as you meet a new person. The word anti-social should be taken out of the dictionary. It’s should be called selectively social. People who are on their phones are the ones who are anti-social. Some people don’t seem to understand that social doesn’t mean talkative. We can all be talkative if it’s a subject we know something about or have an opinion about. Being social is overrated. An introvert might be quiet but we’re not deaf. Multitasking is a skill that some people can’t master. So I think one of the reasons I’m not hired is because I’m an introvert. There can be other reasons too though.

What is also searching for a needle in a haystack is what to do for a living. I looked for that for years. I wish I could have known much earlier but no can do. I know now but I lack job experience. Why do people say how important education is? You don’t get a job like that. You need job experience. It’s easier if you’re in your 20’s but if you change careers at 40 something you don’t get anything. If you do you need luck and lots of it. Some people get burnouts from too much working and some can’t even find a job. It doesn’t make any sense but that’s life. For me, work isn’t the most important thing. Earning your own money is nice but that doesn’t bring you happiness. Doing what makes you most comfortable is. I rather have that then trying to be something I’m not just because the society expects me to. It will never happen so you better accept it.