My meander thoughts

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Recently my brain has been on holiday. I don’t feel like thinking about what to do in the Autumn. Besides the filming course at Helsinki Design School. I’m indecisive, so my thoughts can meander in my head. What I felt at the beginning of the year was not the same. It’s still summer, and my brain is too tired to think about anything serious. My summer plans are already done. I saw Duran Duran and Toto yesterday. Some photos from the concert are below.

I don’t know what I want to do anymore. I don’t know what kind of job I want to do. Time moves so fast. The last time I had a job was 2 years ago. That was a lifetime ago. I get all kinds of suggestions on LinkedIn, but they’re all wrong. The demands in work ads are impossible. I don’t know if I want to do any graphic design work. I might have studied the subject, but it doesn’t mean I can do any of it. I am not motivated to practise the topic because the job search is complex. Becoming an entrepreneur isn’t easy, either. Many of them have photos of themselves online, which I don’t want to do. One is enough. I don’t know if it’s mandatory or not. I can’t find any answers online to that question. I’m a bit disappointed with social media. No matter what I post, I have to like my own posts. How sad is that?! Or I don’t know. At least posting there isn’t a waste of time. Promoting your work online is crucial for an entrepreneur, but I don’t get many likes on my personal accounts, either. Besides, most people only like posts but don’t become clients.

I’m also disappointed people don’t get as excited as I am about the things I experience. Maybe it isn’t anything glamorous and just boring to them. Maybe my interests are just different from others. That’s nothing new. On Facebook, I only post for my own amusement and to fill my memories spot. It’s always nice to see what I did a year before or some years ago. Sometimes I wish my mind wouldn’t be so meandering, but what can you do? It’s a part of my personality, and I shouldn’t stress too much about it.

Blowing one’s horn

Musicians blowing in traditional German horns
Musicians blowing in traditional German horns by Markus Spiske is licensed under CC-CC0 1.0

Blowing my own horn is not my thing. That must be one of the reasons why I can’t find a job. I don’t know how to brag about myself. It’s also a Finnish thing. We’re not good at it. It’s also an introvert thing. We don’t want to brag about ourselves and make ourselves something special. We like to be low key. But that doesn’t seem to be acceptable in the world. You’re nothing if you don’t want to blow your own horn. It shouldn’t be that way. We should be allowed to be ourselves and not pretend to be something we’re not. Some people seem to have problems with quiet people. Only because you don’t want to be a blabbermouth doesn’t mean you’re strange. Listening to people talk about things you don’t care about is stressful. Noisy people have the same effect.

Because I don’t want to blow my own horn, I don’t know if I could be a good entrepreneur. You need to be a lot of different things. A marketing person, a salesperson, a public speaker and someone who doesn’t give up easily. Most importantly, be good enough at what you do. Maybe it’s only me who thinks I’m good at something. Perhaps the reason why I won’t get hired is that I’m not good enough. They instead take someone with natural talent. I don’t have an impressive portfolio, and I don’t have what the employers are looking for. I’m not confident in blowing my own horn. No matter what I post on social media, I get some likes and sometimes nothing. If I don’t get much attention in my personal accounts, how can I get it on the business one? If I get any comments, it’s usually spam. I wouldn’t trust anyone. I feel it’s unnecessary work if I promote things on social media. It’s not easy to be ignored as a job seeker or/and an entrepreneur. I don’t know how to say something about myself or what I can do. At least when it comes to making it to words. It’s incredible how things disappear from your head when you should think about them. It has nothing to do with memory problems. I tend not to think about complicated stuff like that.

Maybe I’ve chosen the wrong path when it comes to careers. It seems you need to blow your own horn because the competition is tough. There are so many people in the design business, and I don’t know how to stand out. Maybe my destiny is to be without a job. I never wanted an ordinary job, but it has backfired. Only because I don’t know how to blow my own horn.

The impetus in a labyrinth of life

green labyrinth
Photo by Max Ravier on Pexels.com

Using two different Ragtag Daily Prompt words today. When there are two words that you can have in the subject, you can have them in one post. Life is a labyrinth, but it’s easier to bear with some impetus. I haven’t had much time to blog because of the career coaching. I’ve also been tired to write anything. Actually, I haven’t blogged as much as I did in January. The months go so fast. I have had so many other things on my mind. I have updated my CV and written an open application. I have sent them to two businesses. On Monday I send to another. You never know if you ever get any replies. But at least I’ve done something. Job search is a labyrinth. You may get out of it, or you may not. You just need another plan. I’ve had so many goals in my adult life I don’t know which one this is. Even if I got encouragement on the career coaching course, I still feel there is no impetus inside me. I’m not confident enough I’ll get anything. I might have an OK looking CV and cover letter, but I will probably screw up the job interview if I get one. I’m not gonna think that far. I will see what happens gradually.

Life is about getting through difficult times. During Covid, it has shown who is good at a crisis and who is not. It shows how people behave. Some are probably too dependent on other people, so they can’t take it when they can’t be with their friends. You get mentally stronger when you get through bad times. Life isn’t always fun. People should learn that. Everyone needs alone time no matter what kind of people they are. Get through the labyrinth and find the impetus within you.