Climbing the misty mountain

misty mountain
Made in Canva

I don’t mean the misty mountain in ‘The Hobbit’. It’s the misty mountain of life. I feel like I’m walking in a mist, and I don’t know where I’m going. I thought it was getting clearer, but it’s just getting mistier. I don’t get anything done. By the time I wake up, the whole day is gone. When people end their day, I’m only waking up. The entire day is wasted. That mountain of life is getting harder to climb. What I thought interested me wasn’t what I wanted after all. Maybe I do, but someone or something is holding me down. At least I don’t sit at home all day and only go out to the store. Some people are that lazy. I want to do something and not stay in the same place. That’s what I dreaded the most when I was a teenager, to get stuck in one place. I wanted to move abroad after I left school. I was restless and wanted to getaway. But that feeling went away when I got older. I was in a mist most of my youth, and now it feels like I’m in a similar situation.

Looking back at what educations I have, they are pretty useless. It’s a scam, the way people say how important education is. It doesn’t mean you get a job. At least I’ve done something. Other people might not appreciate my efforts, but I feel proud of them. I learned something, and maybe I’ve forgotten them already. But I’ve learned. I haven’t had the opportunity to use my education anywhere. It’s a bit depressive looking at job ads because nothing suits me. They say there are a lot of jobs, but that doesn’t help when there is nothing for me. I had high hopes about what to do next. But the years go by so fast, so it feels like I can’t keep up. It was three years ago when I took an entrepreneur course. Two years since the graphic design course. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Other people are much better than me and more experienced. It’s useless to compete with them. If I apply for a job in graphic design, guess who gets the job. Not me, that’s for sure. The employers just look at my resume and already decide I’m not the one.

Life is a misty mountain to climb. Some people might have the strength to get through it, but I don’t have the patience. Like Rene says in ‘Allo ‘Allo “, This is no life for a coward. Especially one with a good business.” Except I don’t have a business. At the moment, I just want to live one day at a time. The mist might go away one day. I only hope it won’t stay there forever.

Going around like the carousel

fast moving carousel with lights
Photo: Free photo

My life seems to go around like a carousel—a slow one. At least when it comes to jobs. My birthday was on Wednesday. I only got three congrats on Facebook. But it’s no big deal. I only turned 44. Birthdays are no big deal for me anyway. Unfortunately, age seems to be an issue for some people. I say to those people, talk to the hand. Age is a state of mind.

I have things to do that keeps me occupied, so I don’t have time to think that my life is going around like a carousel. I have that driving lesson thing and the UX/UI design thing. The summer weather is also here, so who has the time to look for a career. I won’t find one either. You can have all the educations in the world, but that doesn’t mean you will find a job. No matter what people claim. You need to have job experiences and a college degree, which I don’t have. Then LinkedIn suggests jobs that I’m certainly not suitable for. Like marketing. I’m not any good at that. Why should I waste time on writing applications to places I won’t get anyway? Am I not taking someone else’s job, someone who has studied the subject? I don’t believe in applying for jobs that I don’t have an education for. They said you should apply for any job, but that’s a waste of time for the applicant and the one who reads the applications. I just become something where there are jobs. I need experience from the occupations I have studied and not experiences from working. I know the rules of working in general.

At the moment I want to concentrate on the current things. Taking baby steps is better than trying to hurry. I don’t mind being in the current carousel of life. Sometimes I wish there could be more, but that feeling is just passing.

Your consult is an insult

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

I don’t know how many times I’ve been to these job search courses. They’ve been quite useless. *But at least I have something to do. Like I don’t have anything else in my jobless life*. Quite frankly, their consulting is insulting. You don’t get a job; they do. They give you advice on what to do to find a job, but that doesn’t work. You must be someone special to get attention. If you don’t have an impressive resume, you don’t even get a chance. I’ve also been to a career coaching course, but I found the web design education through that one. I haven’t had much use to that school, though. Real-life has been totally different. No one wants to hire someone who hasn’t got work experience. This whole “go to a job search and doors will open” is full of it. Sound bitter? I bet I am, but some people have been to courses like that, and all they did were playing some kids games. I have got at least something out of it. I know what kind of job I want to do.

I still haven’t got a job despite that. I just don’t have anything to offer. I don’t have any marketing value, or whatever you call it. I’m a ‘boring’ person. I don’t know how to brand myself. I also lack job experience. That’s probably one of the reasons. The second is job interviews. Trying to teach me to be better at it doesn’t work. They never go as I’ve planned it. I always forget what to say to the answers to the questions. No matter how I prepare, they just don’t work. In job search tips, people forget that you need to have something on your resume. You can’t just make it pretty if you have nothing to show for it. I also hate writing cover letters. I never know what to put in them. Finnish is also not my strongest language either. Then again, I don’t know what to write them in any language. Finding a job in a creative business is even harder. There you need to have some kind of skill. You also need a few years of experience. I’ve been to job fairs, but there is never any creative businesses there.

There are many different ways to search for a job. The most overrated platform there is, and that’s LinkedIn. I don’t know for who it’s meant for. ‘Look at me’ – types, ‘Look at my company’ -types or for who? It’s not for ordinary job seekers, that’s for sure. There are consults about how to get ‘noticed’ on LinkedIn too. Personally, I find it useless, and when I go there, I only want to give it the finger. I’ve decided I will only keep it for my own good—a reminder to myself what I have done so far. For job search, it’s only crap.

I just don’t fit anywhere. I can’t find a place where I have the same values, or I’m just too introverted. You have to be outgoing and this and that. I’m too old to get a job I have no education for. I wouldn’t get one of those anyway. I want a job I know something about. I know I’ve studied the “wrong” occupation, and I can blame myself for that (I’m not really). But I rather am unemployed than be in a job I hate. At least I can do what I want. Besides, of this covid still being around, I want to stay away from unnecessary social events. I have so many other things to think about, so I don’t have time to stress about my job search right now. I want to concentrate on driving school first.

*Sarcasm