Dreamy dreams of late

dreamy butterfly
Made in Canva

I’ve been a bit dreamy lately. The heat, things on TV and just laziness has been on my agenda lately. And writing fan fiction. Sometimes I don’t feel like doing things. But it’s summer and who have time to stay inside to read blogs. Or write them in this case. At least write decent blog posts. I also sleep late so I don’t have the time to do anything during the day. Besides, cooking dinner and sitting on the balcony because it’s too hot to sit inside, has taken all my time so I have been too tired to write any blog posts. Heat just makes me tired altogether.

Also, the movies theatres were opened again. I won 2 movies tickets earlier this year so I used them both. I went to see Star Wars: The empire strikes back and Bad Boys For life again. I’ve only seen the Star Wars movie on TV so it was nice to see it on the big screen. The safe distance in the theatre was 2 benches apart so you didn’t need to worry about the coronavirus. They don’t let in the same amount of customers inside the theatre as they normally do. I actually like this safe distance thing. I don’t like sitting close to someone else. You always only get one armrest and then you sit there feeling uncomfortably the whole movie. I usually go to the movies when there aren’t many people there. I buy my movie tickets online so I can choose where to sit. Or I get tickets for free. It’s not cheap to go to the movies. I belong to a movie club where you can get tickets a little cheaper from time to time. I also take part in a movie panel where you answer surveys and then you get money. They’re small amounts. Mostly under 1 euro. When you have at least 10 euros, you get a movie ticket. That’s how I got to go to the movies more often. I only watch movies I’m interested in.

And the last update of what I’ve been doing lately. I’ve been twice on a bike trip to pick up blueberries from the forest. They say there are a lot of blueberries but I didn’t find that many. It’s much harder to pick up berries than you would think. It would be easier to go to the store or the market to buy them. But when you pick them up yourself, you feel you’ve accomplished something. I got enough to put blueberries with vanilla ice cream though. When you walk around in the forest and try to search for berries, it takes time. Especially when you do it with your bare hand. The berries were quite small so I didn’t take them. It was like searching for a needle in a haystack. You almost need to crawl on all four because the berries are hidden under the leaves in the blueberry plant. There is a lot of bending down and then you’re not really alone. You get to fight off flies and mosquitos flying close to your ear. Then there is no wind in the deepest forest so you get sweaty as well. It’s totally exhausting to pick up berries. Somehow blueberries taste better when you picked them up yourself. I might go tomorrow for blueberry “hunting” to another place. Maybe they’ve already been picked. You won’t know if you don’t go and have a look.

Agile but lazy

st petersburg traffic
Saint Petersburg traffic 2016

I really have difficulties starting things and when I do, I hardly finish them. I’m such a lazy person. I can be agile on some things. Like thinking. My mind is full of different thoughts. It might look like I’m not doing anything but my brain is working nonstop. That is typical for an introvert. I don’t know about others but the reason I keep things to myself in a conversation is that the person can’t keep up with me. When I talk to my dad and change the subject, he thinks I’m still talking about the same thing even if I’m not. I usually keep a pause between subjects so he doesn’t get confused. I think before I speak so I don’t need to say things straight away. My mouth is faster than the sound so I have to repeat myself to others. I rather not say anything at all because I can’t stand repeating myself.

I prefer writing to talking. If I write my thoughts down by hand, my handwriting is hard to read. Sometimes I can’t even read my own handwriting. Writing on the computer is much more fun which is the reason why I write some of my fanfiction straight on the computer. It also saves a lot of time. When ideas come flooding, there is no stopping. Most of the agile I have is in the mind. I wish I could think less and just take a chance.

It feels like I’m really far behind everyone else in my age group. I’ve thought about things too much instead of doing something. I’m a dreamer and not a doer. I also change my mind a lot. Others have probably changed careers a few times already and I haven’t even started mine. Even people younger than me have had more job experience than I have. It’s no wonder they get the jobs I’ve applied to. When I don’t have enough motivation to do things, I just give up. It’s both laziness and the fear of failure. I could blame others for the problems I have but in the end, it’s really my own attitude I should work on.

I hate doing things in a hurry. I want to take my time. If you do things in a hurry, the result won’t be very good. I missed and forgot things because I did them in a haste. I only get frustrated and nervous. I don’t know why life must be so agile. People want to do things right this minute. Slowness can be agitating, like slow internet connection which drives me crazy sometimes. But everything doesn’t need to be done in a hurry. The world doesn’t end if you don’t do things at certain times. You don’t need to have a 20-year plan. People should live their life the way they see fit. If they want to have a family before 25 let them have it. If people want to stay single rest of their life, it’s their choice. Life would be much easier if we all accepted different ways to live. If my slowness bothers other people, it’s not my concern. I get things done my way and on my own time.