Curious me

Photo: Pexels

Learning new things is part of life. You need to be curious, or it will get you bored. You need to be motivated to learn, or it will all be useless. Sometimes learning is so hard you want to give up. I have now had 4 driving lessons, but it seems I’m still not ready for the driving test. In the 2nd lesson, I remembered why I didn’t finish it the first time. There is so much to think about. I actually dread the lessons a bit because I’m afraid to make a mistake. I thought I’m a fast learner, but not when it comes to driving a car. The biggest problem is changing gears. All my energy goes to that. Then there is the pressure from other drivers on the road. It feels like I never learn. At least I’m a bit better. I need to learn the gears better so I can think about other things. One lesson left, but I think the teacher will suggest some more. It was 26 years ago, the last time I drove a car, it takes time to learn again.

Being curious about learning new things hasn’t made my life any better. I’m still unemployed, and I’m turning 44 in June. Apparently, 40-year-olds don’t learn new things anymore. That’s not the reason I haven’t got hired, though. It’s the lack of experience. Maybe I’m not good enough. It’s silly to switch careers when you haven’t even been in the current one. Why would I want to switch when I have finally decided what I want to do? I don’t know what I could do. No matter what I study, I still won’t get a job. Whenever I search for a job, it always requires experience. I have no chance to get any because someone will always have more. I like to learn, so I still do no matter what. It’s the curious me that want to continue. I do it for myself and my own mental health. It’s good for the mind to study things. No one is perfect in anything. Unless you’re a superhuman which I think no one is. Learning new things is not enough. Also, knowing how to do things better. Learning a new computer program and then get better at it, that’s what pays for your efforts.

I used to dislike Adobe Illustrator, but after studied web design, I learned to like it. Our teacher was very good at teaching it, so that must be it. Now I use it daily. I’m still learning it on Behance. You always learn something new every time. Practice makes you better, and you get used to things. But only if you’re motivated. If you’re not curious enough, nothing will make you want to continue. You can’t force yourself to do things that don’t interest you. There are things I want to learn, but I don’t have enough patience to do it. I don’t like difficult things. There isn’t enough time to learn a lot of things. The brain doesn’t have enough memory capacity to handle so much information. Only concentrating on learning what interests you and focus on becoming better at it is more important. I want to learn a lot of different things, because I get bored otherwise. That’s what the curious me want to do.

Have a little patience, yeah

hourglass patience text
Made in Canva. Lyric from “Patience” by Take That

First, some good news. I passed the driving theory test yesterday. After Easter, I’ll get in touch with the teacher to schedule the driving lessons. There are 4 hours of it, and one part is in a simulator. I haven’t driven a car in 26 years, so I think I start with that one. I’m a bit nervous about that because I’ve never been in one. Maybe driving a real car can be the same. When those are done. Then the only one left is the driving test. I hope I’ll pass that the first try, but I doubt it. If I’m lucky, I will have a drivers license before my birthday in June. What a great birthday present that would be. If you have a little patience, things will follow. I wish I had it in other things too. Patience that is.

Since I was a child, I’ve been a bit impatient. It’s not. Get me things at this right moment. It’s more about giving up too easily. I wasn’t the best student in school. I had issues with certain subjects. Math was one of them. I had tutoring lessons in it. If you’re not good at something, you don’t like doing it. They say you can learn to become better at Math, but I’m not that excited to learn. You must like it to have enough motivation. I rather learn something else instead. As long as you know the basics and understand the value of money, you don’t need to learn all these Y plus X things. Unless you want to become a scientist or something like that. I never understood why you should learn other than how to count this plus this. The same with calculating things in your head. That’s what calculators are for. Math is like coding; I hate both of them. I make many mistakes, and then I just want to give up because things are too difficult.

I don’t know why I bother, but I’ve yet again applied for education. This time for an education called Code Academy. They teach you, that’s right, coding. I probably won’t get in. It’s a recruitment training program. There is a job-learning part where you can work for a company, either a workplace they find or a place the student can find. Only if someone wants the student to work for them, then you get chosen for the education. The problem with education is that you get your hopes up and search for information about the occupation. Then you won’t get chosen anyway. Even if you do get in, you still won’t find a job. So what is the point with educating yourself, besides learning something new? You get no job experience in your field no matter how much you study. It’s silly to start a new career when you haven’t even got anything from your current one. I want to do so many things, and most of them are connected somehow. I always studied creative things, so changing the path to another direction is needless. If it’s neither writing a job application or applying to a school, I’m never good at explaining in words about me and why I want things. I won’t expect too much about this education I applied to. The same with the job application for an IT support person. I don’t know enough of the technical stuff when it comes to computers. I’m not a a novice, but I’m no expert either. In coding things are different. I have studied it and used it too, but it doesn’t mean they will pick me for the education.

I don’t make goals at a certain time. For example, with the driving school. I can only hope I get the license before summer, but I won’t promise the exact date. It depends on so many things. I don’t know when I will get a driving lesson. The teacher said when she called last week that their schedule will become busy after two weeks. Then there is the driving test. The driving school is far from over. I have enough patience to get the licence in my own time. At least I’m closer to achieve it.

Difficulties of the English language

shelf with things on it
Made in Canva

A person who doesn’t have English as their first language there are words you always write wrong. Or when you speak certain words you can’t get them rightly pronounced. For me, the most difficult word to say is failure and photographer. It’s such a tease for me so I rather not say them out loud because they sound stupid when they come out of my mouth. It’s easier to write them. I know I shouldn’t mind how it sounds like. The main thing is to be understood. I’m not ashamed of having an accent. I don’t even know if I do because I haven’t listened to myself on tape. Finns usually are embarrassed about having an accent. I don’t why because other non-English speakers do have an accent too. I don’t think people even notice if I have an accent or not. People don’t pay attention to accents because you can’t sound totally native if you really aren’t. Other problem in what English to speak, American English or British. When I was younger I thought American sounded much cooler but now I find them both fascinating. I write this blog in British English so if you find a word that looks like it’s misspelt, it’s not. It’s only written differently.

I write fiction in English and sometimes I find it difficult to describe something. It’s not just English but in my own language as well. Not only fiction but also when I write about anything. You can’t really say when you try to describe someone or something as a thingamajig. Describing is the most difficult thing in the English language. It’s stressful so when I don’t know a certain word I use another one instead. Or don’t write it at all. Being bilingual has its disadvantages. You don’t always remember what word is what in the language you’re using. I usually search Google for the word or Google translater when I write. I also have a dictionary but it’s faster to use the Internet. I’ve used English so much so I sometimes don’t remember what something is in my language. I both speak Finnish and Swedish so even in those languages I can find difficulties. I always spoke in Finnish Swedish with my mother and I went to a Swedish speaking kindergarten and school so I’ve grown up with the language. My dad doesn’t speak any other language than Finnish.

There are words in English that I always misspell no matter how many times I’ve written them. Words like unfortunately, fortunately, relieved. It usually becomes unfortunally, releaved. Some words sound similar. Like relieved and revealed. They are easily misspelt. I love the English language because words look the same but can still mean different things. It’s a bit like Finnish. Probably not as they are written though. It also has words that mean different things. I’m always been bad at grammar so I can’t teach languages so don’t suggest I could teach Finnish to you. Then there are words in English that are said the same way but mean different things. Like idle and idol. Example: “He’s been an idol for 20 years but he’s been idle for 20 years” I saw that sentence somewhere once but I don’t remember where I saw it. The English language also has very funny puns and wordplays. Somehow it’s easier to use the language in metaphors than it is in Finnish, for example. Certain things even sound better in English. Sometimes learning a language has difficulties but that’s how you learn. I know more words in English than I did about 20 years ago. I wish I could learn another language like that but I just so much else to do and it doesn’t stick in my brain like English does. I thought I was good at learning languages but I guess I wasn’t after all. I’m really amazed if someone can speak more than 5 different languages. I can hardly manage 3 but that’s more than most can.