Tag: Life

Bloganuary: Lie or only denial

Mia2 Comments
lie and truth sign
Made in Canva

I don’t know if it’s a lie or only a denial, but I’m not as good as I think I am. I question my skills all the time. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why I keep putting off things. For example, since 2018, I’ve thought about becoming an entrepreneur. I went to a course about it too. I wanted to become many things, but I constantly changed my mind. I kept telling myself I was good at something, but then I didn’t get the response I wished for from others. I thought I was only an average photographer, writer or anything creative. I thought I couldn’t make it professionally. Maybe I’m lying to myself that I could. I’m worried people will see through me, but they don’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me the truth. The truth about that I should choose a profession other than something creative. My photos and designs are plain, and no one would want to pay me because they might make them for free elsewhere. That kind of doubt is often in my head.

Sometimes I wonder if people understand what I’m writing about. Am I the writer that I think I am? It’s not like I’m writing a novel here. I’ve got good feedback about my fiction, and people like my blog posts. But my writing is a hobby. I don’t get paid for it. Writing is the only thing I feel comfortable about. I know I’m good at it. I won’t lie or deny it. It’s other things that I think I’m lying to myself about. There will always be someone who is a better photographer than me. The same goes for graphic design and other creative things. I don’t like the “not being good enough to get paid for”- feeling. I have never wanted an ordinary job where you go at 8 or 9 am and then home at 4 or 5 pm. I can’t sit still and do something boring all day. I need change, and that’s what creative work is. But I can’t get hired because I have no job experience in the field. It’s challenging to get any of that.

As an introvert, it’s hard for me to know what my strengths are. I lie, or I’m in denial that I’m versatile, but am I truly so? Is that even a strength? A killer can be versatile by killing different kinds of people. I like doing different things, and I guess I’m doing OK with them. I wish I was more confident about my skills and not always doubting them. Being honest with yourself is easier than lying. But also, you shouldn’t forget that life does not always go as planned. If you lie to yourself about that, then you’re in denial.

Bloganuary: I love my home but

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outdoor mat
Photo by Kelly on Pexels.com

My home is in an ideal spot. I have a nice view, and it’s close to everything. I love my home, but the neighbours irritate me, like the one downstairs. She’s a smoker, and sometimes she has friends over. They can be on the balcony at 5 am and keep talking. It’s not nice at all. You can hear them speak out loud in the middle of the night. It’s not only downstairs. It’s in other flats too. Like one wasn’t enough. It feels like the walls are thin, but I think it’s the volume of their voice. At least it’s not all the time, though.

I have lived in my flat since 2005. My mother owned it, and I inherited it from her when she died. It’s nice to own a place of your own. It’s a very adult thing to have. I probably would live on rent if my mother hadn’t owned it. I don’t know if I’m gonna move any time soon. It’s for the view that I live for. Sometimes you can see a beautiful sky. The photos below are the view from my living room. It was taken early in the morning in 2015. The one on the left side was taken in May, and the one on the right, in April.

morninglight
Photo: ©️Mia Salminen 2015

You can see the view better in the 2nd photo. There are no tall buildings in the way, which makes the view to die for. I don’t know where I could find a view like that close to the downtown area. I have no reason to move anyway.

Bloganuary: Happiest day of my life

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happy day book
Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

I have had many happy days. The day when I finished elementary school. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. I was bored with school when I was 15. I’ve already been one extra year when I had to repeat 4th grade. I was also happy when the education in health studies ended. I didn’t want to be there in the first place, but I had to start somewhere. I was happy when I finished my two-year-old studies because I didn’t give up even if things weren’t always nice. I’ve been happy to leave jobs I didn’t like. I was happy to get elected to study at Helsinki Design School. I was happy to get a few job interviews even if I didn’t get picked. There were also happy days when I was a child and my sister was still alive. Life needs to have happy days, or life wouldn’t be enjoyable.

There is one day that beats every other happy day, and that was my birthday last year. I had been waiting for it for years, and then it finally happened. I saw Duran Duran in concert. It was a rainy day, but I enjoyed every moment. That was the happiest day of my life. Of course, it was also a happy day when I saw Robbie Williams in concert, but I didn’t have to wait for it for years like I did with Duran Duran. Since I saw the video of ‘The Reflex‘, I have wanted to see them in concert. They were supposed to be here earlier, but it was cancelled. So when it finally happened, and it was my birthday, I went. It was also the first time I lived in a hotel alone. I was lucky to have been quite close to the stage. It was a shame the weather wasn’t better, but when you finally get to see one of your favourite bands, it doesn’t matter. I got wet even if I had my raincoat on, but it was the happiest day of my life.

There will be more happy days this year. I’m going to three different concerts. The one I’m looking forward to most is the Take That concert. That’s a band I never saw in concert because my mother didn’t let me go. They are a trio now, so it won’t be the same, but they still sound great. That concert will be one of the happiest days of my life because one of my dreams will come true. It’s outdoors, the same place where the Duran Duran concert was. I’ll be close to the stage this time too. Hopefully. Let’s hope the weather will be better.