It’s sabotage to get told what to do

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Do this and you get that. If you don’t do what you are told you will get into trouble or don’t get anything. It’s sabotage to get told what to do with your own life. Not just your life but other things you do. Or don’t do. I don’t really have a point in this post. All I know is what sabotage is when you want to be yourself but is not allowed to. People should have the right to be whatever sexuality they are without having to announce it to the world. But some people have the urge to know everything about everyone. I don’t get this “getting out of the closet” when someone announces they are gay or any other sexuality. Straight people never have to announce they’re straight. What’s up with that? Isn’t it because it’s “normal”? And why are gay people living in a closet? I guess there is so much prejudice so people are embarrassed to be different when it shouldn’t be. Some people have attitude problems towards certain people. I don’t know how people like that can live with themselves. I welcome everyone no matter who they are. As long as they’re nice people. Negative and disrespectful people don’t have a place in my life.

Some things feel like sabotage. Like job search. I did get again a message “Thanks for replying but you’re not chosen” for that packaging thing I mentioned in this post. When then, I wonder. They probably chose someone in their 20s. Well, I didn’t want it that bad anyway. That thought makes me feel less worthless. Not that I feel worthless. Some people are embarrassed they’re unemployed so they don’t tell many people. I’m not that fussy. If people think I’m lazy, let them. I’m in my 40s and I should find a job much easier than someone in their 50s. Easier, not easy. But I guess my resume isn’t “sexy” enough. They said you should apply for jobs outside your own field. I did but I didn’t get anywhere. So there goes that theory. At least I can tell the jobcentre I did apply for a job. I don’t know if I should tell them about the graphic design education in Helsinki Design School though. It’s been a while since that ended so maybe not. Why does job searching make me feel so old? I have a lot of energy left but there are too many gaps in my resume. Educations are worth nothing.

Sometimes it feels like sabotage in social media. It’s like someone have said, “don’t like or post anything to that person” Which is just paranoia. I’m no one famous and not many know me on social media. I don’t know why I don’t get that many likes and such. Even on this blog, I don’t get as many likes I used to. Are my blog posts uninterested? Have I told everything and my posts are repeating themselves? Questions like that entered my mind. It really depends on what I write about. On Twitter, I get likes when TV programs are on. Or if it’s tweeting about Formula One. But if I share a blog post or tweet about something else, then I don’t get any. I will never get thousands of likes anywhere but I’m not expecting that either. Some people do anything to get likes to their posts and then they get on the news. ‘This person got 500 00 likes in an hour’ And then the photo they’ve posted isn’t even anything special. People just like weird things. If I posted something like that, it probably wouldn’t even get noticed. Then again I’m just assuming. My motives for social media is different from others. I don’t seek big audiences. It’s the quality that matters.

You can also sabotage your own future by doing crimes. Or even post drunk photos on social media. I don’t know why people do that in the first place. Who wants to see that kind of photos anyway. Know one wants to hire a boozer or even be friends with one. Drunk people are boring as well. Some people think if you don’t smoke and drink you don’t know how to have fun. Well, you can sabotage your own health and your future as much as you want. But I don’t want to live my life that. It’s just isn’t my kind of fun and it has never been. I find parties boring and a waste of energy. I rather stay home alone and do something by myself. If that sounds boring then so be it. Sabotage my solitude then you can think again. Just saying.

Something gotta give

locked papersLife is full of choices. So many it makes my head spin. But sometimes you have to compromise. Nothing is written in stone though. You are allowed to change your mind.

I don’t know how many times I’ve done that. I never seem to find anything I stick with. It’s because I have so many things I like. It’s getting even worse as I get older. What I disliked when I was younger, I find the interest in it now. If it’s about music I like or movie genres. The problem with it is that some people don’t care about the same things I do. Especially when it comes to social media. I really find it difficult to post things there because I feel it’s all useless. I don’t think anyone really cares. I’ve thought a lot of times to leave it. But sometimes I do get reactions and it doesn’t feel so bad. In the end, it’s not about the people. I would still be on social media and other formats. I do it for me and what comes after that is just a bonus.

It’s not that I’m not loyal. I’m very but to a lot of different things. As I mentioned before on this blog, I get bored easily. That’s a reason I could never work in an office. I need something to motivate my mind. I can sit still for a very long time but I still need to do something else for a change. Sometimes it’s frustrating that I can’t keep my mind on one thing at a time. A lot of things has passed me by because my mind has been set on what I wanted to be. I also never had enough of courage to try things. I’ve always worried how things could go wrong. I’m still insecure when it comes to decisions. It shouldn’t be that way but it is a constant struggle.

It could be worse though. I could have no education nor work experience. I could live in a corrupted country. I could live on the street. I have better chances to do things I like and not what other people want me to do. I’ve tried things that I’m not afraid to do. In others words, I’m pretty lucky compared to others who are not. That’s something I don’t need to compromise.

Stifle the blues

heart on snow

We all have our weaknesses. No human is perfect. We all have our bad days. If it’s about the weather or your life, you must find a way to stifle the blues away. The best thing is to do what you love. It doesn’t even need to be anything big. Taking a walk in a park can be very refreshing. Even watching your favourite movie or TV series can lift up your spirit. As long as you don’t fall into despair because then it’s harder to get up from it.

For me laughing is a good remedy. When I feel down I go to Youtube and watch funny videos. Not one of those vlogs and such though. More about classic comedies and yes even cat videos sometimes. Youtube is like Pringles, you watch one and then another. Soon you look at the time and realise how much time has passed. I go there no matter what mood I’m in.

The same goes with music. It makes you laugh, cry or dance away. For you who dance that is. Any kind of music you like lifts up your spirit. I’ve mentioned before in this blog that music is my first love. It has helped through bad times and made me feel better. Not a day goes by where I listen to music on the radio or online. I even have the radio on when I sleep. You don’t hear your neighbours when you have some sound in your bedroom. Singing along to my favourite songs is also a good medicine for the blues. Some old classics I still know the words to and I haven’t listened to them in years. It doesn’t even matter if I sing the wrong words. Singing is good too. It doesn’t matter if you can’t sing when doing it in your own home.

You don’t necessarily need entertainment to feel better. Seeing other smile and especially if they’re kids. Or animals. Do what you like best and don’t let others make you feel down. The song below one of my favourites because the lyrics are positive. It is a beautiful life and we shouldn’t forget it.