I went to the career coaching thing because I wanted to elucidate my job search skills (and the job centre suggested it). I did get my cover letter and resume updated, but the rest is dishevelled. There is a difference between sending an open application to an ordinary job and to a place where a portfolio is essential. I don’t think I will get any replies from the companies I applied to. They don’t look for people like me. They probably take someone with an impressive portfolio. Honestly, mine isn’t that good. I should get more job experience, but I don’t think I even get an internship. I might sound pessimistic, but you become that when things never go the way you wish. The ‘you don’t know if you don’t try’- thing isn’t what I believe in. I’ve tried that many times, but nothing has come out of it. It has worked when it comes to studying, but never in the job search. One of the downsides of sending open applications is that you never know if they will get in touch with you. It can take ages, or they never do. I’m not gonna wait for it. They say you should be in contact with the companies you sent them to. But that feels awkward, and it feels like you’re disturbing them. You shouldn’t say to me that the worse thing that can happen is if they say no. It will be no, and those words don’t make me feel better. It only makes me feel even more useless and unmotivated. Life shouldn’t be about job search. It’s not a full day job. Will never understand why someone would want to waste their whole day on it.
The only time things aren’t dishevel is when it comes to spare time. I have a lot to do on that front. I went to an ice hockey game a few days ago. Nothing beats a live sports event. I never get to see ice hockey on TV because it’s on a paid TV channel. I only listen to the radio. I didn’t get to the event in time because I took the wrong bus and then got lost. I had to take a taxi, so I lost 15 euros there. If I only wouldn’t have believed the bus app, I wouldn’t have gotten on the wrong bus. I knew what bus to take, but I thought I would take another bus that went the same way. Never be too sure where you are. If you know an easier way to do things, do it that way. I’ve learned my lesson. Next time I go and see ice hockey, I will take the bus that gets closer to the place where the event is held. The trip home went right, so I got home safely.
Things can’t stay the same all the time. They have to elucidate sometime. It has in the past. Anything can happen in this life. Or it might not happen at all. I wish certain things would come more often my way, but I guess that’s too much to ask. I just need to move on. You fall, but you get up again. If, at first, you don’t succeed, you might have the 100th time. Whatever success means to you, it’s the right one. For me, it’s finishing this blog post. Tomorrow it might be something else.
Day 16. I’m not really passionate about anything. The word sounds like you’re mad and do crazy things. I prefer to call it things I like to do. I enjoy writing, but I wouldn’t call it passion. I like taking photographs, but still, I’m not passionate about it. I can do without it. Recently I’ve taken photos with my mobile. I thought about becoming a professional photographer once, but then I realised it takes the fun out of photography. I wasn’t taking my camera everywhere like most photographers do. I could take photos if it was part of something, but I wouldn’t do it full-time. I like changes, so sticking to one thing would bore me.
Maybe my passion is watching movies. I saw my first movie when I was 3 years old. It was the 1937 animated version of Snow White. I still remember how scared I was when I saw the dark forest scene. I couldn’t watch any creepy stuff after that. I still can’t watch scary movies. The first time I saw Lord of the Rings- Fellowship of the ring, I looked away when the orcs were shown. I belonged to a movie club when I was 10, where they showed children’s movies. I went there with my mother. I’ve seen a lot of movies in the theatre and on TV. I always watch them until the end. I can’t understand why people are in a hurry to get out. I’ve paid for the ticket so why not stay. I also own several DVDs and Blu-rays. I just never seem to have the time to watch them. I’ve seen them more than once, but I also have discs I still haven’t watched. I’ve also studied writing movie scripts. I have experience in movie making. We wrote a scene, and then we shot them. It’s was hard work, but fun. It would be nice to volunteer in an actual project one day.
Another possible passion is music. I listen to it every day on Spotify. I also have the radio on from time to time. Music has helped me a lot. It’s very therapeutic. I listen to it no matter the mood I’m in. I like all kinds of music. It depends on what I feel that day. Music helped me get through my mother’s death. Sometimes I play an instrument. I own at least 3. I only use one, though. In 3rd grade, I played the recorder, but I didn’t like it. It was only when I became an adult when I learned to play it. Another instrument I can play is the synthesiser with one hand. I took classes when I was 6, but I only went once. My parents were displeased because they had bought me the instrument and everything. I have played it after that too, but now one key doesn’t work. Now it’s at home collecting dust. I also own a harmonica, but I can only play randomly by ear. Without music, life would be dull.
Passionate or liking things, it’s the same, it gives pleasure. That’s better than doing something you don’t like, right?
Maybe it’s the hot summer or because I don’t get many likes with newer posts, but blogging isn’t the way it used to be. I don’t know if if I should break the silence or put on the brake with the whole thing. There are days I think I might write something, but other times I think why I should bother. It isn’t only blogging but writing in general. It feels like all that writing work are a waste of energy when it doesn’t get many likes. I don’t only write for myself. I also want others to read them. I wouldn’t put them online if I didn’t. It goes with blogging and posting fiction, also with social media. Sharing is caring, after all. I could just write things down on paper or private blog. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t post things only to get likes. Internet is a big place, and you never know if anyone actually reads or looks at what you post. They might only click on like by mistake.
I haven’t found a cure for cancer or any other great achievement, but I wish my posts would have more likes after nine years. At least older posts get likes from time to time. Sometimes it feels I’m only starting with blogging. I didn’t expect my blog would attract the same kind of attention as some other blogs do. My life is boring, so I have nothing existing to share. Getting likes or not is not the issue. I don’t know what to write in this blog anymore. Maybe I just need to put on the brake and have a break from blogging a while. Summer is a time when people are outside, so they don’t have time to read blogs. Especially when it’s hot, I’m too tired to think about anything important. When the hot weather stops, I might continue blogging. But you never know, I might still do it. I never know when inspiration strikes.