Sometimes I wonder why I even bother doing anything. Doing things for yourself is not always enough. You need that certain approval from others. I feel I’m being ignored. No matter what I do I don’t get noticed. I think I’m not good at anything. Maybe it’s silly to feel like I don’t matter because I know I do. My last job proved it. Maybe I’m the only one who thinks I have a talent and I don’t give anyone that wow feeling about the things I do. Sometimes I get ideas but they don’t last very long. Then I just lose motivation. This is what I feel when it comes to design or posting things on social media. If I don’t get many likes to things I do as a hobby, it’s OK because I don’t get paid for it. But if it was something professional it would be a bigger deal. That’s one of the reasons why it’s tough for me to begin with anything on my own.
I got an email from Helsinki Design School where I studied both photography and graphic design, where they asked if any former or current students have become entrepreneurs and how their studies in school have helped them. In the email, there were questions to be answered. One of them was, “At what stage did you start your business?” I still haven’t started even if I had thought about it several times since that school. I thought about starting something during the education but nothing happened. I realised I couldn’t concentrate on two things at the same time. I just didn’t have the strength. Now when I don’t have a job anymore, I could begin with something. But then comes this doubt I’m not good enough. I feel I don’t belong with the other people who do design of some sort. A voice is saying in the back of my head, you’re not good enough to be a designer, stick to your day job. It’s not my mind saying it, it’s what others might think of me. Even in school in Helsinki, I felt others were so much better than me. When I post my work on social media I only get one or two likes. If I’m lucky three. If I don’t get many likes, how will I get clients? There are designers who have much more experience than I have. The competition is so hard so I don’t think I’m not good enough. No employers are lining up behind me either so there is no hope of finding a job in design.
If someone could paint their love all over my world and prove to me I got what it takes, maybe then I would be more confident about the things I do. Not just by one person but by several people. Being an entrepreneur is not only about knowing how to do things, but it’s also getting new ideas which I’m not that good at. I’m not a risktaker so it’s much tougher for me to start anything. Right now there are some personal things going on so I don’t want to think about what to do next.
Next Tuesday (June 2) I turn 43. But age is nothing but a number. For some people birthdays can be embarrassing or they rather not make a big number of their age. Then there are these age crisis things. I didn’t have a 30 years crisis and not 40 years either. I had it at 25. I didn’t do anything special. I only felt I was useless and felt I hadn’t done anything I wanted to. Now I don’t care. You’re only as old as you feel. Other people’s opinions about your age don’t matter. I wouldn’t want to be in any other age because now I have the knowledge I didn’t have when I was younger. Instead of being outdoors in the warm and sunny weather, I made this list.
To ‘celebrate’ my birthday, here are various questions I found online. Trying to find 43 questions wasn’t easy. Most of the questions are from this site. It’s quite a long read so don’t rush it.
Some boring questions first
What is your full name? Mia Eva-Stina Salminen
What is your height? 5’7″ last time I checked
What is your favourite colour? Blue and purple
Sexual orientation? Straight but why label it? You are what you are. I respect all sexualities because, in the end, we’re all human.
What colour are your eyes and hair? Dark blue eyes. The hair colour depends if it’s clean or not. It also gets darker with age. When I was a child it was blonde. Maybe it’s more light brown these days.
This is where it gets more interesting
What TV shows are you into? I’m mostly into old TV shows and especially comedies. A lot of TV shows have ended and I haven’t found anything new to watch. I’m a fan of Game of Thrones and Prison break. I also like game shows like ‘Who wants to be a millionaire?’ I hate most of the reality shows. Or cheating shows as I call them.
Where would you rather be from? If I wasn’t from Finland it would either be Sweden or the UK. But I love Finland the best so I wouldn’t want to change it.
What movies do you like? As in TV shows, I love comedies. Jim Carrey is one of my favourites. I also love Lord of the rings trilogy and no matter what others might think, The Hobbit trilogy. There are a lot of movies I’ve seen several times so I don’t have an absolute favourite.
What job would you be terrible at? Anything that has to do with Math. I’m not very good with numbers. I also would be a terrible teacher. You need patience in that and I would just get upset at the student.
What skill would you like to master? I wish I could be better at making websites but I hate coding. There are of course ready themes but apparently, you shouldn’t use them. I also wish I was better at graphic design.
What takes up too much of your time? Being online. Also sleeping too long. I never have time to do anything because I sleep late.
What mystery do you wish you knew the answer to? Why certain people have to urge to act stupid. Especially young people. I also wonder why some people believe in stereotypes. I also can’t believe there is still racism around.
What do you consider to be your best find? The best find is that I finally know what I want to do for a living. It’s just that I don’t know if I ever be good enough.
What fictional character do you really wish would exist? If I said Loki, would you hold him against me? In a way, he already does. Not with that name but there already are divas who wanted attention because they didn’t get it at home the way they wished.
What popular TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? I refuse to watch reality shows like Love Island or Big Brother. I don’t care about other people problems. A movie I refuse to watch is ‘American Psycho’ with Christian Bale. Even though he’s one of my favourite actors. That movie is so creepy so no thank you.
What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? I don’t if it’s impressive but I can make up tunes with the recorder by just listening.
What game or movie universe would you most like to live in? Lord of the rings without all that war. I would live in Rivendell. It one beautiful places in that universe.
If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? What I do now. Blogging, writing fiction, cycling, watch movies, eat candy/sweets etc.
What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Live in solitude somewhere where there are no other people around and only the birds singing.
What’s something you’ve been meaning to try but just haven’t gotten around to it? Entrepreneurship but the work to find paying clients is the reason why I don’t start. The other thing is not being confident enough about my skills.
If you were dictator of a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? Not crazy but healthy. All smokers are not allowed and no drunk people either. Or too noisy people.
What is something that a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don’t get the point of? Fashion in general and people using toe sandals. Especially men, such a turn-off. The same with Crocs. Yuck.
What irrational fear do you have? Hating needles. That’s one reason why I don’t donate blood. Some might not think it’s nothing to be afraid of but just the thought of a needle is distressing.
Have you ever given to any charities? No, I don’t have that kind of money. I’ve been to two charity football matches though so in a way I have.
What’s the last adventure you went on? When I studied graphic design in Helsinki last year. I travelled there alone twice a month. That is an adventure in my eyes. Also walking or cycling outside is an adventure in itself.
What is something you will NEVER do again? Eat sushi. I tasted it once but I didn’t like it. I don’t know how somebody can. But we all have different tastes.
What do you hope your last words will be? “I wish I could have seen him” OK, that’s a quote from Lord of the rings. Maybe my last words would be “I have a million euros in a deposit box and the code is….” Then I die. There isn’t any money though 😆
What’s the best thing you got from your parents? To be myself and have respect for others.
What’s the best and worst thing about getting older? The best thing is that you’re wiser and the worst people think you’re getting too old.
What is something you are certain you’ll never experience? A personal thing. I’ll never get to experience passionate love. Someone who likes you the way you are and don’t expect for you to be like everyone else. Someone who can’t stay away from you. I know I’ll never have that and especially with certain men. That’s all I’m saying about that.
What is something that your friends wouldn’t believe was true about you? I have a dirty mind. Even if I don’t have personal experiences about a certain thing, I can still imagine it.
If you could make one rule that everyone had to follow, what rule would you make? Be nice to others and don’t judge before you get to know a person.
If you could have a video of anyone in your life, what event would you choose? My mother, my sister and both of my grandmothers when they were all alive. Especially Christmas.
If you had a clock that would countdown to any one event of your choosing, what event would you want it to countdown to? I already have. A countdown to Elton John’s concert in September. But we’ll see if it will happen.
Have you had any pets and what’s your favourite pets? Never had any pets because my sister was allergic. I’ve always liked bunnies. It was the only animal I wasn’t afraid of.
What are you addicted to? Certain male voices. And music.
Have you met any celebrities? Finnish one’s only. I never meet any foreign celebrities. Ski jumper Janne Ahonen. I got his autograph. And TV presenter Roope Salminen. He’s a big star in Finland and so down-to-earth.
Have you ever been to the hospital? Visited and been a patient. My big sister was ill a lot so I never liked hospitals. Luckily I’ve only been twice as a patient.
Last but not least
If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have? Mind control or moving around unseen. Maybe both.
What’s the tallest building you’ve been to the top in? Ski jumping tower in Lahti, Finland.
Who is your hero? It varies. It’s more about actions than a person. There are people I admire, like actors but also normal people. My parents can be heroes. The went through a lot and still managed. They were married for at least 40 years before my mother died.
What song always gets you out on the dance floor? I don’t like dancing. Not the song by that band I can’t remember the name of right now. I just don’t like dancing. I rather watch others dance.
What’s your guilty pleasure? Like Tom Hiddleston once said. Something like. My guilty pleasure is not having a guilty pleasure. I would say I do have pleasures but I don’t feel guilty about them. I don’t pretend to like something I don’t like.
If you got this far then bravo. You deserve a big hug. Thank you for reading.
When I started blogging in 2014, I didn’t know what kind of blog I would have. I knew it wouldn’t be the same as everyone else. I wanted it to be different. I also didn’t want my life to be out there on the internet. I’m a private person and I don’t have anything interesting to say. I just wanted to write things down and share it with others. In the beginning, I was disappointed I didn’t get any likes. There are still blog posts that don’t get many. Like the last post. It only got 2 likes. Maybe some got a little more. Maybe I just don’t have anything new to say so I repeat things. You would think people would have time to read blogs right now but I guess not. It just feels like people only like the blog post picture and don’t read at all. Maybe I’m just expecting too much. This is already the 7th year and still, it feels like I’ve just begun. Whatever reason, I’m still gonna blog though because I’m doing it for me. And to practice English.
I’m not that excited about blogging like I used to be. I just feel I have nothing new to say. I’m a nomad because I don’t really know where I’m going with this blog anymore. Luckily I only blog as a hobby so I don’t have to write if I don’t feel like it. If I earned money for blogging it would feel forced to write something. Now I have a choice and if I don’t have anything to write then I don’t. Some people think blogging is for business only but you can also have it as a hobby. So not all nomads are lost. You can find your motivation at your own pace and that’s what blogging is all about. Making yourself feel good and maybe someone else will relate to you too.