Tag: my dad

Advent Calendar 2024 – Day 17

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Is your life today what you pictured a year ago?

Daily Writing Prompt

Day 17

I didn’t think a year ago that my Dad would have passed away, for starters. You don’t expect something like that to happen. In January, he was hospitalized with inflammation of the pancreas, and on February 8, he was gone. I still feel sad when I think about it. His memory wasn’t as it used to be, and people say, in a way, it was a relief for me that I didn’t have to go through with his memory loss. That’s true, but he would still be here, and I wouldn’t be alone. He would have turned 80 on March 25. My mother died when she was 68. It makes me wonder how long I got, but with death, you never know. If you stay in that darkness, your life will be wasted. You go through grief for a while, but then you need to move on. Tears will fall occasionally, but then you keep living because that’s what your loved ones want.

A year ago, I didn’t think I would still be unemployed, but then again, I’m not surprised. Looking for work is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Apparently, it’s the same with finding clients for your business. That’s what I thought a year ago as well, to become an entrepreneur. But I have kept putting it off. If you have no clients, there is no business. That’s one of the reasons why I haven’t started. I can’t live on my savings forever. I’ve taken courses on how to be active on social media and how to promote yourself. But what worries me the most is what, if nothing, of those courses will get me clients. Have I wasted my time and money on nothing? Maybe I’m not good enough to be an entrepreneur. Perhaps I’m the problem, and I can’t learn anymore. Being active and posting regularly on social media isn’t the only solution. Those post needs to have decent content. You can’t post only for the sake of it. Starting something is the hardest, but you shouldn’t get into the darkness of your fears and worries. I look at my personal Instagram and see the lack of traffic there; it doesn’t give me much confidence in my professional one. You can’t compare those two because their purpose is different. Luckily, I will have people there to push me forward with my goals.

I don’t picture life ahead because you never know what will happen. Things may have changed a year from now. A lot can happen, whether it’s personal or worldwide. Life is short; it’s only how you live it. You can do something about some things, but there are things you can’t. As Gandalf in Lord of the Rings said,

“All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us”

The only that’s certain in this life is death and paying taxes. I certainly don’t want to do the first one in a long time.

Advent Calendar 2024 – Day 15

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Day 15

Today, it’s 11 years since my mother died. It was 2013. I started this blog in January of the following year because I wanted to write down my thoughts. Some people meditate; I write. Writing has always been my way of expression. Before, it was a diary; now, it’s a blog. I couldn’t meditate, trying to empty my head from thoughts. I’m an introvert, and my mind won’t stop thinking even during the night. Sometimes, it feels like no one cares what I write, but I still do it. It’s a bonus if someone likes what I write. Blogging should be fun, and what else to do than write about the things you like to do or things you want to share. Since my parents have passed away, who else should I tell my thoughts to, if not through blogging?

Next year, I have to remember my dad’s death day, too. Time goes fast when you think about it. Life must continue, but never stop remembering the good things that were. My parents taught me many things that are still useful to me, and I’m grateful for that.

Advent Calendar 2024 – Day 11

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Day 11

The journey to the end of the year 2024 is going on. The year wasn’t the way I thought it would. My dad died, and that’s something I didn’t think would happen so soon. I hoped he would have lived as long as possible, but you don’t always get what you want. I didn’t think my mother would have passed away at 68 years of age. On Sunday, it’s been 11 years. You don’t think about the day your parents die when you’re younger. You only live your life, and you don’t think about it. I had classmates who lost one of their parents when they were in school, but I never thought I would lose mine as early as I did. It doesn’t matter what age you are; losing a loved one is never easy. You might as well be 5 years old. Except when you’re older, you know what it means. When I lost my big sister in 1983, I was only 6 years old, and luckily, I didn’t remember much about it. My dad used to say that I was smiling more before her death. It does change your whole life when you’re at the start of it. It’s tough, especially for the parents, to lose a child. We took a trip to Europe to get past the sorrow. We went to Germany, the Italy-Austrian Alps, Denmark and Switzerland. It was cheaper because I travelled for free. It was possible in the 1980s, and I don’t think you can do that anymore. Getting away was one way to handle grief. You get other things to think about.

I have to make my journey on Earth without them. I still have good memories of them and can always return to photos and videos. I believe things happen for a reason. When you experience life challenges, you get mentally stronger. You need to because life goes on, and you make the most of it. The loved ones want you to move on because life is for the living. There is a time and place for everything. My next journey is the Christmas cruise to Tallinn, which I’m looking forward to. It will be different without Dad. At least I don’t need to ask anyone else where to go.