Failure is not an option

failure is not an option
Made with Canva by me

Ever had the thought that no matter how many times you try, you feel like a failure? You don’t get the attention you’re looking for. When no one else believes in you, giving up is easier. But nothing would be new if everyone thought the same, and the world wouldn’t have evolved as it is. Everybody won’t become great inventors, but we can do something about our lives. You can either work for others, or you can work for yourself. The latter is the hard way, which scares or worries people, including me. I don’t want to fail because that’s not an option. I don’t have time to start over again. That’s one reason I haven’t taken the step I wish to take, the fear of failure. I’ve failed in different ways. Whether it’s been education or finding a job. Certain things you can’t do yourself, like getting a job. That’s more about luck than failure. I’ve been luckier getting into a school I applied to than getting a job. They say you have a better chance of getting a job if you educate yourself, but in my experience, that isn’t true. Maybe it’s true in some occupations but not in mine.

My biggest fear the most is not being able to pay the bills if I become an entrepreneur. To be paid for a job, you need clients. It’s easier to search for a job but that haven’t happened to me, so I’m seriously thinking about becoming one. I’m already active on social media and have take courses about different approached to online marketing. But my worry is that despite doing what needs to be done, I still don’t get any clients. Am I wasting my time and should I forget about it? Maybe my business plan or dream clients doesn’t exist? What if I’m not good enough because I don’t have work experience and that’s the reason I don’t find clients? Those are the questions I keep asking myself. I don’t want to take the risk to have a business, if I have to wait couple of years to make a profit. Then a job with someone else would be better or being unemployment with benefits. Fortunally, with good planning and good confidence in my skills it won’t take that long. You don’t need to struggle with problems alone because there are people who can help.

I know I work better in an environment that I can control. I’ve been to workplaces where I didn’t feel I belonged. I don’t want to do a job I don’t want to do. Life shouldn’t be about doing things you’re not meant for. I believe you should follow your dreams even if they seem impossible in some other persons eyes. There are always people who hope you fail but that’s because they’re not brave enough to do anything about their own hopes and dreams. When my late Dad worked for another company before he started his own, there were people who were jealous because he made more money than them. But that didn’t stop him from doing a job. He started his company in 1990 and quit at least 2 years before his death this year. He had his ups and downs financially, but his occupation was different from mine. He was a goldsmith and that was an uncertain business. I followed from the sidelines how having a business worked, so I know how it is. He could chose his own hours and that’s more my style too. I’m not meant to do 9-5 jobs and people breathing down my neck. I want to be able to be myself and not try to act to be someone I’m not.

On a cosy Sunday

relaxed wool socks
Photo: ©Mia Salminen 2017

♫Sunday Monday happy days
Tuesday Wednesday happy days
Thursday Friday happy days
Saturday what a day
Rockin’ all week for you♫ – Happy Days, TV tune.

Sundays should be a cosy day, as it used to be. But now the stores are open every day of the week. For me, Sundays are cosy. If they weren’t, weekdays would be stressful. Being cosy doesn’t mean staying inside all day. If the day is sunny, you can be cosy outside. Sundays, my parents and I went for walks in the countryside. After my mum passed away, I still went out with Dad, but the walks weren’t as long as before. He played golf, so sometimes we went to the golf course to hit balls on the driving range. But that stopped a couple of years ago when things happened, and he couldn’t do it anymore.

I still drive to nature or take bike rides whenever possible. That’s my kind of cosy. But I also watch TV or on the computer. It happens every day of the week, not only on Sundays. Watching sports on TV is relaxing and being cosy, even if sports can be irritating from time to time.

I watch the Finnish version of Dancing with the Stars on Sundays, but the season will end soon. Even if I don’t dance, seeing other people doing it is cosy. My late mother used to watch it, so I also started watching it. The final will be next Sunday, but I will watch it at a hotel. I’m driving to Helsinki that day because I’m attending an event on Monday. Life can’t always be cosy, and driving long distances is not. But by car, you move at your own pace. That’s cosy in its own right.

The secret I’ve been working on

Photo: AI image

What have you been working on?

Daily Writing Prompt

You know, when you have a lot of extra time, you do things you usually are not known to do. It’s not a big secret; it doesn’t matter if people find out. It won’t have a significant effect on the world. Maybe it won’t even reach other people. You only do it for fun anyway as a way to relax. I’m going to tell you what I’ve been working on.

I’ve never been a good drawer like my parents were. My late dad painted with oil paint when he was younger, and he even tried to sell some paintings. He always drew when he was a kid, so he got a lot of practice. He said that was how he got good at it. There are quite a few paintings made by him at home. He drew from photos. He sketched first and then painted with oil paint. He gave up painting when he got occupied with work, and he didn’t think there was any point in wasting time on it. Just as well since there was no place to paint anyway. Also, because the paint had a strong scent, I couldn’t be in the same place because of it.

When I was a kid, I painted with water paint, but I stopped when I became interested in other things. I didn’t think it was much fun to draw anyway. You need to like it, or you will only get frustrated. I got some kind of resentment towards drawing when classmates had disapproving looks when they saw one of my drawings. From 2009 to 2011, when I studied graphic design, I didn’t like drawing at all, and I didn’t know what or how I should draw something. We had subjects about different drawing tools and styles. Even if the teacher did help, I still didn’t like drawing. Anyone can draw, but how many can draw very well? That’s another question. I’m not a painter; I’m a photographer. Stick to what you know, I’ll say. People who are good at doing art and illustrations should do that.

The secret is that I started drawing and painting again. I bought pens and watercolours, but I already had a paintbrush that my dad once owned. I don’t care how they turn out. I only do it for fun. Maybe it will pass. At the moment, it’s something I’ve been working on. I give you a few examples of what I have done and what tools I’ve used. As I said, it’s only practice and for fun.

In the first picture, I used crayons in the background and then painted with Dual-Tip Art Markers. You need a thick paper with those pens, or they will get through the paper. I finished the drawing with a 0,45 mm line micro pigment ink pen.

My latest purchase is watercolours. I sketched all the work with a pencil first and then painted it. It’s easier that way because you know what it will look like. I did one with the paintbrush, but it didn’t go well, so I won’t show you that. That will remain a secret.

Drawing and painting things by hand are more manageable than doing them on a computer, and they look more natural, too. I leave the excellent drawing and painting to those who do it best. This won’t be a hobby for me; it’s only something I do now. In a way, it’s fun to do this again. I try to learn how to draw by searching online, but it never looks like the teachings. Maybe my visualization ability isn’t as good as it should be when it comes to drawing. In other things, it isn’t a problem. Perhaps it’s meant to be. Some are good at drawing, and some are not. Anyone should draw or paint no matter what level they are. It’s one way to relax when you have nothing else to do.