Tag: my sister

If I could turn back time

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sisters
Source: http://www.lovethispic.com/tag/sister

Some things you can’t control. Like a death in the family. No one should go through that. Especially if you’re still a child. A childhood should be happy without sorrow. Mine was happy until that day when my sister died. I was only 6 years old and death is something you don’t think about. I don’t remember much about it. In a way it was good I was so young. I didn’t have to go through the same thing as my parents. All those hospital visits and coping with the illness. I don’t really know what she had but it was something to do with her immune system. It was rare at the time. Her death did affect my life in many ways.

I’ve thought a lot of times how my life would have been if she wouldn’t have gotten sick. We were quite close. I don’t think our relationship would have changed much. She would have been my rock. If I had problems I could talk to her. She would be a great comfort. Especially now when mother have passed away. If I had lived my life with my sister in it, I would probably be more outgoing and have more confidence.

If I could turn back time and live my childhood all over again, I would wish my sister would be healthy and see adulthood. The holidays would be much better if she would still be around.
I don’t know how it is to have siblings nor being the only child. I’ve experienced both. When I hear or read how people complain about having a sibling, I just think “at least they have someone” They can be a pain but that’s a small prize to pay. Living alone without one is not that much fun either.

Losing a sister at a young age has helped me understand other people who have lost a loved one. I don’t see death as a scary thing. I don’t even cry at the movies because it’s all fake anyway. For some death is something they don’t want to think about. They don’t know how to take other people’s sorrow. Only people who have gone through the same thing can understand.

It’s not only what you go through in your childhood that molds you. It’s what you experience through life. If I hadn’t gone through what I have been through I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I am what I am and nobody can tell me to be something I’m not. That’s something everybody should remember.

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_writing_challenge/digging-for-roots/

“They never had any adventures or did anything unexpected”

Mia2 Comments
https://www.etsy.com/listing/92428434/butterfly-effect-text-graphic-frame?ref=market

I don’t think I’ve ever experienced the butterfly effect. I didn’t even know what it was until now. I’m a bit like a hobbit (minus the hairy feet) I’ve never had any adventures nor anything unexpected has happened. At least not anything good. I don’t know if things happens for a reason. Maybe they do.

In which case, you were also meant to have it.
And that is an encouraging thought.
– Gandalf in Lord of the rings

Maybe there was a reason why my sister or my mother died so early. Thinking like that makes it easier to move on. My mother’s death was the hardest thing since I remember it. When my sister died, I was so young. Maybe it was better she died then and not when she became an adult. Then again if she still lived today, my mother’s death wouldn’t have hit so hard. Whatever has happened in the past, maybe it’s God’s way to say, “here’s to another beginning”

That’s one of the reasons I applied to Helsinki Design School to study photography. I wanted a new beginning. Only time will tell if it is worth it. Maybe that’s a butterfly effect. If I didn’t apply to this school, maybe I still would just stay where I am. All those years when I studied different things and wondering what I want to do. I even studied photography before but at the time it didn’t feel right. Maybe those efforts will finally pay off. No one knows what kind of people I’ll meet or places I’ll see.
I just have to be more outgoing, even if it’s not in my nature. That’s one of the reasons why I haven’t had enough of courage to do things. Hearing class mates telling about themselves, made me realise how much they’ve already experienced. And most of them are younger than me.
If I didn’t go to this school, I would still think there are no jobs in photography. The teacher we had last time, told us there are. Without that encouragement I would have lost hope.

You should never compare yourself with others. Not everyone needs to go the same path. It’s never too late to experience new things. Age shouldn’t be in the way. I used to think when I get to a certain age, things would change for the worse. Even my mother were worried I was getting too old to get a job. Or at least my options were getting thinner. It might be true. Especially when there’s ageism going around in work places. But that won’t stop me from trying. It’s the work places that are missing a lot. It’s their loss, not mine. Or any job seeker for that matter. The butterfly effect would really be helpful right now.

 

Writing 101:God, the serial killer that never gets caught

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Today’s writing 101 is perfect for me. If someone knows about loss, it’s me. It feels like my whole life has been about loss. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. Going personal now even if this blog is not about that. This will be a difficult task for me to write but I have to do it. So here it goes.

It started in 1983 (soon my age will be revealed :D) I was 6 years old. My big sister had been ill since she was a child but it got worse as she got older. I was so young at the time so I don’t remember much about it. She spent her time in the hospital a lot. That’s one of the reasons I don’t like hospitals. My mother had to stop working to care of her at home. I went to preschool so my mother could concentrate on my sister’s well-being. All I remember her laying on the hospital bed with see-through plastic over her bed and her food didn’t stay inside her stomach her anymore. I don’t exactly know what kind of disease she had. It was something about her immune system.

So on October 26, they called from the hospital that my sister had passed away. I don’t remember how the news was told to me. I asked my mother about it years later. I had been in my bedroom making a box out of Lego and put Lego pieces in it. She asked what I was doing and I asked who will give her food now (or something like that) Just the thought about a 6-year-old wondering about that is heartbreaking. I don’t think I really understood what had happened. That was the first time I knew what loss was. It turned my life completely. I’ve thought about how my life would have been if it things wouldn’t have turned out the way they did. I never talked about my sister because people wouldn’t have understood anyway. I did that a few times and they just felt sorry for me. I just didn’t like the look on their faces. There was an incident in school with a class mate once but my mother never told me what it was even if I asked. I don’t remember any of it. Maybe it was for the better. Growing up without a sibling, takes its toll. I would be a total different person if I had my sister around. She was only 10 and too young to die. I was glad she was my sister.

Even if I’m not religious, I do believe in God. Even if God is the serial killer that never gets caught. He takes people away from you no matter how important they are to you. It doesn’t matter if they’re good, God still punishes you. Maybe there is a reason for it. But it doesn’t stop there. Just when you thought your life is back on track, next thing happens.

To be continued…