A lot of people have bucket lists. Things to do before 30, 40 or 50. But I have a bucket without a list. I don’t like to plan ahead. It doesn’t matter if I don’t achieve something at some age. Certain things you can’t plan. You don’t need to do them until a certain age. I didn’t think I would ever go to a concert when I was a teenager, but now I have been to several. Two more this summer. I didn’t think I would get a driver’s license, either. Life is full of surprises. If you haven’t achieved something at 30, you can do it before 40 etc. So, what if you don’t achieve them at all. Bucket lists aren’t rules you must follow or something will happen to you if you don’t.
One thing that could be on a bucket list, but it won’t, is talking on the phone with strangers. It makes me nervous. I can never call an employer. If someone says I should call one, I get terrified. I had to call once and was so nervous; it took hours to pick up the courage. I hate that feeling and do anything I don’t need to call anyone. Writing an email is easier because the risk of screwing up is minimal. You should not force an introvert to make a phone call. It’s easier to talk to someone you know. It’s calling a stranger where the problem lies. I have blocked unknown numbers on my phone because I don’t want to talk to strangers.
I don’t think I ever get over the dislike for needles. Blood tests make me nervous. That’s one of the reasons why I can’t donate blood. I can’t get a tattoo, either. I wouldn’t want one anyway. Injections are OK because it’s over in moments. Unless you need to get them a lot, as I did once. In 1994 had endoscopic surgery for my knee. I had to wait a few days for it, so they gave me injections in my stomach. I don’t remember why. It was something about not getting blood clots because I had to stay in bed. The injections made me feel sick to my stomach. I didn’t want them at all. Needles cause me anxiety. Even if I use a needle to mend something, I’m always worried I’ll stick myself. Anything sharp makes me nervous.
Face your fear, but I don’t want to face a fear that makes me nervous. I prefer not to do things that make me feel like that. I never want to make speeches or presentations. I don’t like people looking at me. I want to get out of that situation as fast as possible when I’m nervous. I rush things, and it’s ruined. If it’s a presentation where I stand alone, I only get nervous when it’s my turn and not before. Things look easy in my head, but the reality isn’t. Avoiding unpleasant things is easier, and I don’t want to put them on a bucket list.
Another Monday and another week. That’s how life goes. Tomorrow it’s Tuesday and soon it’s weekend again. What to do during that week is like searching a needle in a haystack. It helps if you got a job or a school to go to. Or you have a family. Then you know what you’re gonna do. But if you have none of those things your life can be a bit boring. You read or hear you can do something about it but does it really work for everyone? Everyone isn’t born with a golden spoon in their mouth. Or have the courage to do just anything. Sometimes things don’t come to you no matter what. One of them is job search or applying to a school. A lot of people fall under the radar because they don’t get anywhere. Especially a young person should have something to do when they graduate from compulsory education. They need someone who can show them in the right direction. A parent or a professional instructor.
I’m very thankful for my mother and my instructor in 9th grade that I applied to something after school. I didn’t want to at first but now years later I’m glad I did apply. It was health care studies that lasted a year. In a way I’m been lucky by getting into these educations I applied for. Who knows what would have happened if I hadn’t. My resume would look a lot emptier. Unfortunately, my efforts have no value for others. At having done at least something isn’t good enough. You need to be superhuman to get a job it seems. It’s even harder if you’re an introvert. It’s discrimination if you ask me. You need to be outgoing, talkative and over positive. There is still a lot of myths about introverts that extroverts believe in. You would think in a country like Finland, an introvert would have it easier but it’s not. There’s a lot of assuming. People think you’re quiet all the time just because you gave short answers in a job interview or that you’re not talkative as soon as you meet a new person. The word anti-social should be taken out of the dictionary. It’s should be called selectively social. People who are on their phones are the ones who are anti-social. Some people don’t seem to understand that social doesn’t mean talkative. We can all be talkative if it’s a subject we know something about or have an opinion about. Being social is overrated. An introvert might be quiet but we’re not deaf. Multitasking is a skill that some people can’t master. So I think one of the reasons I’m not hired is because I’m an introvert. There can be other reasons too though.
What is also searching for a needle in a haystack is what to do for a living. I looked for that for years. I wish I could have known much earlier but no can do. I know now but I lack job experience. Why do people say how important education is? You don’t get a job like that. You need job experience. It’s easier if you’re in your 20’s but if you change careers at 40 something you don’t get anything. If you do you need luck and lots of it. Some people get burnouts from too much working and some can’t even find a job. It doesn’t make any sense but that’s life. For me, work isn’t the most important thing. Earning your own money is nice but that doesn’t bring you happiness. Doing what makes you most comfortable is. I rather have that then trying to be something I’m not just because the society expects me to. It will never happen so you better accept it.