Follow your dreams so I went back to bed

follow your dreams
From Canva

Ever feel like you’re the only perspicacious one in this world and others are idiots? You don’t think you’re better than others though. Everyone makes stupid decisions sometimes. I have days I feel like an idiot. But I don’t make a habit of it like some people do. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed because you meet idiots all day anyway. Dreams you dream at night are much better than following your dreams in real life. In life, some don’t want you to become anything. No one should give in for idiots but yet you’re too afraid to take risks. I really admire people who do anything for their dreams no matter what others say. I wish I was like that but in this case, I’m an idiot.

I’m a dreamer and honestly, it’s upsetting me. My mother used to say I’m not firm enough. Especially when searching for a job. I don’t believe in my own abilities. Even now when I study graphic design, it feels like I haven’t improved much. I’m always in doubt if it’s my thing after all. Others seem to be much better at what they do and I’m just an amateur that no one wants to hire. Not even for free. At least I know what I’m not good at. You should concentrate on things you’re good at. Drawing is one I always sucked at. One of our school assignments for this month is drawing an Easter bunny. But it’s really hard.

bunny sketches
My sketches of bunnies that I did on the plane to Playa del Ingles.

None of these is good for an Easter bunny. I’ve done more but they all awful. It should be on a package of a bag of Easter candy/sweets. I looked for how to draw bunnies step by step on Pinterest but the ones I draw look nothing alike. I can’t draw a good bunny out of my head. They all look like crap in the picture. I won’t be saving my life with illustrations.

It’s mostly about your attitude of how you see things. I try to think positive even if it’s sometimes hard. Some things can bring you down so you think nothing will ever change. There is a lot of motivational quotes on Pinterest and online so reading those makes you feel better. The world is full of idiots but do not let them spoil your spirit. Don’t lose your perspicacious because the world is going mad.

Panicked lifestyle

cycling fast

Don’t panic they say and I do. My panic does show on the outside but on the inside. I might look calm but it’s just a disguise. This is not a lifestyle I want. I don’t like being panicked. I’ve been a busy bee in school and I have no time to do anything. What gives me great pain, is writing a personal vocational skills demonstration where I have to write about where I’ve used what I’ve learned in web design course. There’s no word for it in English so I won’t try to explain it. All I can say is, I hate it and I have to write it in Finnish. Client work is one thing and the other is writing a documentation about it. There are certain things you must have in that report and it’s giving me a rash. I don’t really care now if I fail. I’m probably having second thoughts about it all. My brain just can’t handle that much information. You think web design is easy and when you only are a student who has to write these reports, you think again. I can’t wait until this pain is gone. I have to wait until May 18 when it’s all over. Failed or passed.

This weekend I have to stay at the dorm and I don’t know what’s in store. The charger of my mobile is at home so I don’t know how long it will last. Luckily I have an old model and not of these smart phones that you need to charge everyday. I have to stay here until Tuesday but I don’t think my phone will last that long. Who would I call anyway? Besides it’s a nice weather outside and I have only been there a bit this week. So I need a big break before I have to get back to business. There’s a panicked lifestyle for you.