Tag: not very good at this

When you have nothing to say

Mia1 Comment

Always been a problem for me. What do people really talk about? People I’ve met have never had anything in common with me. Why would I start a conversation with people I know I have nothing to say to. In school I never had any real friends. My best friend moved to another city with her family after 1st grade. Sure I had friends after that but they were never lasting. I had to repeat 4th grade and in 5th grade it turned to hell. I wasn’t bullied physical nor verbal. It was more like whispering behind my back and excluding me from the group. Especially this one girl, who probably started it all, but I think she was just jealous or something. People like that usually have low self-esteem. I guess that experience has had some effect on me. I don’t trust people the way I used to. I have come to the conclusion that those people who did it were just jealous because I could do some things better than them. What really is disappointing, is that I didn’t get any friends in other schools either. Sometimes it feels like I’m cursed. I’ve never had any luck when it comes to friendship. But I’ve got used to it. I actually prefer to be alone. I can do what I want and go where I want. But it has its downsides too.

I just don’t know how to start a conversation. I just can’t go up to a person and say something. My mother could always do that and she wasn’t even extrovert when she was a child. She always told me, I haven’t been around people so much. That’s probably true. But if I can’t even start a conversation with strangers, how am I suppose to get used to be around people. I’ve tried to be more extrovert but no matter how I try, it always feels unnatural. It just feels awkward. It’s like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. When meeting new people, I always feel tongue-tied. I just don’t know what to say. I rather just listen and give short answers if they ask something. At least I don’t blab nonsense. If only people would understand that I can be talkative too. It just depends what subject is. People just think quiet people stay quiet. I’m not quiet, I just don’t have anything to say.

C’mon C’mon let’s stick together

MiaLeave a comment

OK, you’re all busy. But whatever. I continue writing to myself then 😛 I’m having 2nd thoughts about this blog. It feels like a waste of time. But then again I got too much time on my hands so why not keep it. I’m just bored, bored, BORED. (I know how Sherlock feels sometimes)

Twitter and Facebook are crap. WordPress is crap. Tumblr is crap. My followers are crap. No offence. Leave if you want. I don’t care. This is MY blog and I write what I WANT. If you can’t take it, you don’t have to stay. You got my permission to leave without an explanation. That will just prove you were not worth having. I won’t lose my sleep over it. No point asking any questions as it seems no one replies them. But have it your way. Don’t bother commenting. It seems so difficult to people. Or maybe you think your life is more important than mine. Maybe it is. You’re busy, OK I got that. * rolls eyes * DO I HAVE TO SHOUT TO GET PEOPLE TO NOTICE MY WRITINGS. Hello, anybody there?! I’m asking you a question, you bastard. Didn’t your mother teach you anything? Answer me damn it! [/rant over] Sorry, my disappointment took it over a while. Don’t take it personal. It’s just me ranting 🙂

In the blog world, the main subject is about personal things. But I don’t want to be like everybody else. I refuse to follow that route. My subjects might not be as popular as, let’s say fashion but at least I’m saying something. It might feel like nobody cares what I write but there must be someone. Why would I have followers otherwise? I think I look at the stats too often. I shouldn’t take them so seriously. But somehow I guessed, the Zero to Hero challenge wouldn’t increase my blog’s traffic. It was just a while and now it’s back to square one. Maybe I should change the subject to something else or maybe I just have too many interests. Come to think of it, nah, I’ll just leave it as it is.